D has a weekly coffee date with my mom who has Dementia. Just the two of them every week. Touches my heart.
@BingeWatcher Thatās lovely <3 I love seeing those grandchild-grandparent relationships. When I first asked S21 if he had any thoughts about where he wanted to go to college, his 1st choice was UC Davis because itās near his grandparents (we live in VA so OOS at UCD is not happening). Heās really close with my dad and golfing together has become their thing whenever we visit. Dad has two local grandsons too but neither of them took to golf.
My son can be hard to read ā he doesnāt talk much about what heās thinking or what he likes (at least with us, heās very social w/ friends) ā so I love when I can get a glimpse at whatās important to him. Weāre churchgoers and he comes with me every month to participate in our churchās community assistance program. He complained at first but now doesnāt object. I saw that it had become important to him because he now wears the programās t-shirt to school regularly, displaying āHands and Feet of Jesusā to a school community and a friend group that are, for the most part, not church goers. I love that heās feeling confident enough in his faith to do that.
I havenāt posted on here in a while because I was focused on D19 but now that she is done I get to start thinking about D21 again. 
She is not ready to think about college yet but I guess it is time for me to at least start thinking about testing schedules and things like that. I donāt have any firm plans but Iām hoping she will take practice ACT and SAT tests right after school ends then she can focus on which she likes best over the summer. I have no idea how she will prep, with a class or on her own but she is pretty self motivated so probably on her own.
I like the idea of trying to keep just the two threads and keeping this one more positive to all types of kids. Iām not sure yet but guessing D21 will end up with great grades and lower test scores. No matter how she ends up I do not think she will pursue schools at a reach level, she already knows she does not want to be overly stressed in college and needs to find a place that is a good fit and she doesnāt feel like it is hard for her to keep up.
She just got back form a 4 day school trip to a journalism conference/competition. She had so much fun and said it was like a mix of camp and college. She got to meet new people and hang out with some she wouldnāt normally hang out with at school which was like summer camp. They also got a lot of freedom to wander around on their own and all hung out on breaks at the Wawa next door plus all of the classes they took were things that she would choose to study which she said felt like what she imagines it to be like at college.
Love the idea of sharing non academic things about the kids. D is just an all around sweetheart (except to her brother haha!) and is friendly to everyone. She loves to volunteer and started a club at school with D19 that focuses just on being kind to others. She is the the definition of the āperson who would take her shirt of her back for youā and I love her compassion.
My D21 had a great week at the plate for her JV fast pitch softball team. 8 for 10 with 2 walks as well. Happy for her as this has been a tough year as she was shut down with a shoulder injury for about 3 months and it cost her a spot on the varsity as the back up catcher. But after lots of PT and shoulder strengthening excises she was able to catch for the first time on Saturday.
Her summer softball travel team will be going to Northern Virginia, Columbus Ohio, New Jersey and Northern Kentucky so I said on each of these trips we should pick a school in the area and look even if it is not a school you think you might interested in just to get a flavor of what different schools are like (big, small, rural, urban, private, public etc)_ We are also going out west for vacation to San Diego and Seattle so we are going to look at University of San Diego and University of Washington. Again just to get a flavor of what is out there.
Weāre on a trip right now to start that āget a flavor of whatās our there.ā. S21 isnāt thrilled to be doing it but we otherwise didnāt have spring break plans so I decided a few days visiting VA colleges would be a good use of the time. JMU tour is up first this afternoon.
Wow! Thanks everyone for chiming in! I was away with D19 for admitted students weekend and missed a lot 
.
For anyone who didnāt see it, I posted back on page 68 about the possibility of starting a thread for parents of 2021s who are not looking to prioritize the kinds of things needed to be eligible for ivies or Top-20ās/30ās.
I hope it was clear from the post that I in no way want anyone to feel censored in what they can post about their very accomplished kids! Itās my own failing that the (rather big) gap between my D21ās stats and rigor and those of many kids on CC makes me worry.
I donāt want to create judgement or division and I agree with many of you that if we did have a second thread, everyone would be welcome to participate. Iām just looking for a way for me to focus less on the ideal applicant, and more on who my daughter is and how to help her find what she needs to grow and thrive.
So, I actually have looked for a 3.0-3.4 thread for 2021 parents, but I couldnāt find one (other years yes, but not ours). Could someone let me know if there is one?
@JESmom Enjoy! I loved taking those college tours with my older daughter. Maybe have your child propose some ideas for fun activities to alternate with the campus visits to generate some more enthusiasm?
@mamaedefamilia We spent the weekend at Massanutten resort so he at least had some fun then. JMU was good ā S actually smiled some, volunteered his prospective major and asked a question on his own initiative. Afterward he thought it was āgoodā, āliked itā and thought it was better than W&M, which we toured after a weekend event in Feb. Note to self - no more weekend tours, nobody was out and about and the campus felt dead. Now on to VA Tech.
@3SailAway I asked for help getting a Class of 2021 3.0-3.4 thread started on this sub forum - Turquoise52 got one started this morning for those who are interested (myself included). For anyone interested, kids donāt necessarily need to fall within that GPA range, but the discussion on the similar 2019 page was geared for kids whose stats put them in search of mid-range schools or schools where there less than tippy top stats would still make them eligible for merit.
Lots to catch up on, busy weekend of posts and D21 had a dance competition this weekend so no time to read. I think I am caught up.
I love the idea of a thread for non competitive schools, D has good grades but I donāt think they are good enough for a school with a 10% or lower acceptance rate, but she is an only so out first experience with applying to colleges. I also wanted her to take the SATs in June for a baseline but she is pushing back, she agreed to study over the summer, using Kahn and self prep and taking them in August and seeing where she lands and then we will plan for improving and retakes and what not. She also needs to make a realistic list of possible schools.
She is doing NSLC at Georgetown University this summer and is very excited for that, I am really hoping it pushes her to get her head 100% in the game for college prep. Next year she is taking 2 APs and 2 dual college classes and an honors and a few electives. We talk greatly about the fact that we have no doubt she will get into a great school and will succeed, she is hoping for top 10% of her class and I think if she stays focused she can do it. She gets lazy at times and nobody can change that but her.
As for a non academic success, she has a part time job this year, she student teaches 2 hours a week at the studio with K through 1st graders, seeing those kids look up to her as she once did to her teachers warms my heart. She is very dedicated to them and goes to competitions even when she doesnāt have to dance to make sure their hair and makeup is done and supports them.
Re: summer programs:
Does local summer marching band camp get any recognition at all in college admissions? I mean, I wouldnāt expect band camp to carry any Wow factor at all, but would it explain/excuse a lack of other major commitments? Our high school doesnāt break for summer until mid-June, and our schoolās competitive marching band camp starts in earnest in the last week of Julyā¦9-4 or 9-8PM five days per week until school starts. Fun, but truly exhausting, out in the August sun. That leaves barely over a month of summer. Adding in a family vacation and lots of summer homework for honors and AP classes (not to mention any SAT test prep) that leaves very little down-time. Lots of the possible programs of interest D and I have looked into conflict with band camp dates anyway.
My kid does need down time after an exhausting school year. I think the constant activity isnāt healthy for a lot of people. Donāt we all need time to unwind, watch clouds and stars, swim in local lakes, walk the dog, read whatever we want and have unscheduled time with friends and family? What happened to summer? I think a lot of creative thought happens during such down-time.
My daughterās starting to get stressed during the school year to a point thatās worrying me. Iām afraid to add to that stress in the summer. Any thoughts? I imagine T20 colleges may expect almost every week of oneās life to be accounted for and Iām not too concerned about thoseā¦but what about T-50s and 100s?
@inthegarden I worry a lot about the stress too. My D21 is a committed, diligent student and athlete, but between school and sport, she has almost no free time. I worry that she has no other ECās or jobs for her resume, but honestly itās going to have to be enough. Our summer is only 8 weeks long. I donāt think itās ever worth putting more in your schedule just to pad an application. I donāt know how some kids manage to do so much, but kudos to them for their effort and energy. We will probably be looking at different colleges anyway. Since we are not targeting top-tier, I think we will just make sure we are finding schools that will appreciate a student like her. It takes a lot of digging to do that.
Thanks, @Acersaccarum. Last summer D took summerschool PE for five weeks to fulfill her HS requirement for that. It was greatā¦most of her best friends (mixed boys and girls) did it, and I liked that she was being physically active in a fun way from 9-3. But then she had her summer homework to do almost every night. We took a ten-day trip when it was over, and band camp started. Though she loved every single thing she did (well, maybe not the homework) she started school already tired. Now sheās depleted from it all, and regularly cranky.
Today sheās was supposed to do a tennis match, a two-hour ballet class, chem homework and study for a history test tomorrow that will count as 10% of her grade. The tennis and ballet are truly recreational, nothing pre-professional (but you still want to respect the teachers/coaches etc.) In the past I was more of a stickler for following through with all commitments no matter what, but Iāve had an extremely tired, stressed kid on my hands (who then seems to blame me when sheās tired). In the past two years Iāve tried to get her to cut down on activities to a healthy balance but she canāt seem to pick and choose. Doesnāt want to cut anything, but hasnāt the time to excel in any one thing. Invariably there will be unforeseen scheduling conflicts and then teachers and coaches arenāt happy.
Today at tennis she asked if Iād stay a few minutes while she found out if she was on the roster to compete, and go home early if not. She found someone who could substitute for her, then (while I was still sitting in the car) texted me back and forth for an HOUR stressing over whether she should leave early or not, go to ballet or not, etc. In the past I might tell her what to do or not do but Iāve been trying get her to own her own independent decisions. I truly didnāt know how much study time she needed for this test (the final for AP World Historyā¦why the heck is it scheduled for mid-April???) This time I wanted her to make the decision herself and email the ballet teacher herself (instead of expecting me to do it) she were not going to go etc. I was totally open with whatever option she chose but the indecision (not to mention waste of her precious time) was driving me nuts. In the end she left (not having played at all and had a terrible meltdown in the car and at home. Iām at witās end. I thought I was being entirely patient (how many parents would sit in a car for an hour while she agonized over this!) and somehow Iām to blame for her being distraught. No tennis, no ballet (which would be OK if she were at peace with it) and sheās tearfully trying to study and Iām feeling in tied in knots. How do these kids do it who have 15 ECs and state/National awards? How do their parents manage? Even taking the emotion, and otherās expectations, and the need for sleep out of the picture, how can all these things be scheduled in the course of a week?
@inthegarden it all depends on the kidā¦Some thrive the busier they are. My d21 is s serious student who does 3 seasons of varsity running, but she doesnāt care if she makes regional meets, let alone states and I support her 100% and she knows it. She needs a bit of time to be social, relax, etc. She also has other commitments to honor as far as clubs go etc. We wonāt do anything serious this summer, she has a part-time job she chose, sheāll self study for ACT/SAT, AP etc and do her best sloth impression in between. Iām her mental health coach and tell her when to let something go, relax, slow down, etc
Thanks, @VikkiG5. You seem to have found a nice balance. I was trying to be a mental health coach todayā¦I was kind of trying to give her free reign to just go home and study if she wanted, but I thought being outside in a beautiful afternoon on the courts with her friends would be a good stress reliever if she wanted that, and didnāt want her to feel she SHOULD go inside and be a study grind from 3-10 PM, either. And WAS texting that she kind of wanted to be outside. So I texted back to please just enjoy being outside playing, not to worry about the test for now. But the agonized back and forth, āshould I go homeā and āI donāt want the ballet teacher mad at meā and on and on prevented her from enjoying a thing! I suppose that is when I should have taken the reigns but then I didnāt want to take the blame if it were the wrong decision her HER! ARGGH. Finally, I was so stressed by HER stress and indecision that I guess she picked up on my intensity and thought I was mad at her (which I was not, really, just feeling guilty myself for having raised my child to feel so angst-ridden. And just a tad exasperated, I admit. Iām only human 
Then she called my husband, distraught, and he came home from work early! NOt a great outcome. Iām thinking she may be PMS-ing, which is often the case when her emotions run high. Next year I may have to put my foot down about signing up for multiple activities (just when sheās almost an adult and should be making those decisions) just because I canāt take itā¦
Thanks for letting me vent a bit!
@inthegarden Sounds like you both just had a ālearning experienceā. Sometimes we donāt see the value of those until later! I have a habit with my kids where if we canāt come to a resolution after 3-4 texts, we need to talk face to face. It helps short-circuit the emotional responses. My D blames me for a lot too, but Iāve learned to let it roll. She doesnāt really mean it, so it eventually gets dropped.
Learning how to make decisions is a very hard process for many kids, but you are on the right track to get her started on that now. Sheāll need the skill when it comes time to pick a college!
@inthegarden Iām sorry you had this situation. My D has a lot of meltdowns also and I usually get blamed and daddy is always the hero, drives me insane.
D is self over scheduled also, at the dance studio 7 days a week, class secretary at school, school dance team for 2 seasons a year and then homework and social life. She doesnāt sleep much even if she has nothing to do, she just somehow doesnāt need a lot of sleep on a daily basis, certainly doesnāt take after me. During school breaks she sleeps a lot and catches up. Her summer program is only a week long, the rest of the summer will being social, summer work, and self SAT prep.
@inthegarden Iām so sorry that happened. And our D21 sounds very similar to your D. Sheās so jam packed with EC with ballet being the biggest time suck at 25-30 hours a week. The director is someone sheās known since she was three and heās a strict Russian teacher who sheās respected until about a year ago. Long story short, heās always somewhat shamed the girls but he also has a warm and funny side to him that makes him endearing. Lately, heās had physical problems and the break up of a marriage and heās been downright mean for the last nine months or so. Girls crying every night. D21 has had it. She loves to dance and there really isnāt anywhere else she could go short of my taking her into the city every day which she doesnāt want to do. For her own mental health, sheās ready to quit. It doesnāt help that her best friends in the company are seniors and leaving. Iāve tried to talk to the board at the ballet company about the director and theyāve supposedly talked to him a number of times now but itās not getting any better. D21 dreads going now. Ballet has been a HUGE part of her life for years and years. If she quits, then sheās already danced her last Nutcracker. She was supposed to be Princess Clara this year and dance along side a dancer from ABT who will be Sugar Plum. Iāve asked if she just wants to stay through December but that means six weeks of summer intensive at her current school and sheās really against that. It takes the whole summer since itās seven hours a day, five days a week.
But, like you @inthegarden, I worry about her stress level and leaving ballet would take a lot of stress off her shoulders. Sheās going to try out for poms in May and, if she makes it, will tell her ballet director that sheās leaving.Just last year, I would have been worried that this would hurt her college apps but itās not worth her being so miserable for two more years. If she can do poms and have time for more activities at school then sheās being true to herself. I know sheās not a quitter and has solid reasons for leaving. Iād rather see her more relaxed and happy and have more time for her friends. If colleges care that she left ballet after sophomore year, then whatever.
@inthegarden my D21 has similar struggles. Wants to get straight As, but really needs some mental health time. Thanks for sharing your experience - it has helped me. D21 is doing 5 weeks of internship this summer with our local zoo (40 hours/week). We are so used to having her entire summer scheduled (both parents work full time) that weāve been scrambling to try to find something for her to do the other 5 weeks, an SAT prep class, art classes, volunteer work, etc. I am feeling more comfortable about allowing her to do her best āsloth impressionā instead, with an hour or two of SAT prep or online driversā ed expected daily.
Of course once I start feeling OK with that, then I panic that she wonāt look busy enough for her college apps, and will spend the entire day watching YouTubeā¦ Ugh!
@homerdog D21 was in a similar spot with her sport. Loved it, still loves it, but she wasnāt willing to compromise her grades. She was so stressed out - getting home at 10pm from practice and crying because it wasnāt fun anymore. Leaving was tough, but sheās been much happier.
Interviewed for a part-time retail job Monday. Sheās really excited - I hope she gets it! Hopefully will hear today.
Last night was a mental breakdown because of her honors English teacher. God forgive me, I canāt stand that woman! As the wife of a teacher, I have no patience for no grades posted since 3/11, 6 grades total for an honors English class!!! Grades for 3rd marking period are due today (marking period ended 4/5/19, the Friday before spring break). 34.5% of the grade is her āPortfolioā - which for 3rd marking period is only one 30 minute timed write that D got a 65 on!!! Her other 5 grades are in the 90ās but leaves the overall average as a C+.
If thatās not bad enough, last night (since the grades are due today), the teacher apparently decided to finally update grades. Put in 2 0ās for assignments D got over 90ās on. I had an email from the teacher saying she doesnāt know why D didnāt do the items since she was in class those days. Teacher handed them back without recording the grade and since she waited until the last minute, just put 0ās in! 3rd marking period average showing as a D+!!! D21 was in hysterics!!! Thankfully, she has everything saved and was bringing the graded items back to the teacher today.
And teacher says the Portfolio will remain only 1 grade for the marking period because she hasnāt had time to grade the other essay that should be in that category - an essay that was due March 25!!! Arghhhhh!!!