Yeah, a tour with a sample dorm room doesn’t do justice to what you may end up getting.
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I’m right here with you.
Read my most recent posts. To sum up, we’re “making” our D21 go to the “loser school” (both direct quotes from DD) where she got a full tuition merit scholarship. And even though it is actually a solid LAC that’s highly ranked in her major and sport, she is still not happy or excited about it, even this late in the game. I thought she’d warm up to it once she started shopping for dorm stuff and picking classes, but nope. She’s remained pretty listless about the whole thing, which is very unlike her: she’s usually a very independent, enthusiastic go-getter. (Although while I know this apathy is partially genuine, I am 100% certain that is also in part a performance for an audience of one: me. She’s still mad at me for not letting her apply to the 80k/yr schools where her friends are going. So be it. She’ll thank me someday).
So while I know that she’ll likely love it there once she she’s there, she still doesn’t see it. And right now her pain, disappointment, and FOMO are real. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Now I’m just holding my breath for move-in day, when I hope this ‘petulant toddler’ spell will finally be broken. We’ll all have to report back this fall with updates!
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Thanks, I totally agree with your sentiments. I did take her to her school just the two of us for a few days. Booked a swanky hotel, nice meals out, a little shopping spree, explored local areas and wandered campus.
I was hoping that trip would sort of warm her up but I think the disappointment was still too overpowering for her. I actually think once she finds out who her roommates are and they get to learn a little bit about each before moving in, it may start to help her warm up to what lies ahead.
Deep down I know she’s going to be ok. I know she is going to make friends. I know things will get better.
Just since my original post, a few other friends have confided to me that their kids are struggling too. I am definitely going to remind her of the times she has overcome obstacles and that she will be able to continue to make her way.
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Ha! I like pickles but the name originates as a nickname I gave my daughter when I was pregnant with her and saw her on the sonogram for the first time. Now she’s off to college soon😭
Her high school was very rigorous so although I know it won’t be a walk in the park, she is definitely well prepared and I’m willing to bet her ego might be in for a few surprises.
She is actually very excited about an honors class she gets to take first semester. It’s as if it was created with her in mind. So a positive right there!
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I did not see your recent post but I will go look for it. Thanks for chiming in!. Sounds very very similar to my kid and my experience with her. She is definitely saving her saddest and most dramatic moments for me.
She says she understands that graduating college with zero debt is an incredible gift, but I don’t think she will really understand that until much later. I have zero regrets about sticking to our guns about budget, and it was something we made her aware of before applying to schools.
I definitely will be curious for fall updates from the class of 2021, they most certainly deserve to be happy.
Ok I just had to laugh and share. My daughter just informed me she’s going into the garage to work out. She’s never done that before 
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@Picklenut6 I’m so sorry your D is having a hard time! If it helps, my D got into her first choice school ED, but she is still very anxious about leaving and adjusting.
I think you’re right to give your D extra attention and TLC. Spending time together doing something unrelated to college helps my D. Talking about parents weekend, Thanksgiving and winter break helps too. It’s like she needs to remember that this isn’t a one-way ticket out of her life—it’s like she’s going out on an adventure, but will be back to base camp to reconnect.
As far as friends, no matter where your D is going, she will find her people. I tell my kids that for at least the first semester, they should make it the default to say yes to doing stuff with others. Reach out to anyone who looks nice, has similar interests, etc. Then, “love the ones you’re with” and keep an eye out the rare ones who will be close friends. I also tell D21 that it’s okay to check out/join a bunch of organizations, teams, clubs, and narrow it down later.
Hugs to you because it’s not easy when your kid is sad and worried. Your D is also grieving the loss of her top choice schools, while not yet being able to experience everything her college has to offer.
(I wrote this this morning but it didn’t post. Glad your D is able to share how she feels with friends, and working out is a great idea!)
Another brave faced secret worry train rider. Son didn’t get great dorm assignment and 4th choice first year seminar. He was processing that, only to learn that his assigned roommate never intended to live on campus. So now, moving clear across the country in 3 weeks and the only response from student housing was basically, “Sorry it’s difficult to plan, but we’ll get back to you.” We have no idea if he will get a roommate and once he does, if it will be someone who would’ve even matched with him (first years don’t get to select their roommates). Hard to make the best of it when you’ve just written a big check!
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Your son will be at Bates, no? I would not worry at all about roommate situation. I’m sure Bates does a terrific freshman orientation where he will meet a ton of kids. Our S19 at Bowdoin didn’t get any of the ten seminars he listed freshman year, got one he wasn’t interested in at all and it was fine. Didn’t love it but did meet some nice people and the prof was great even if the topic wasn’t his cup of tea. Bates and Bowdoin have a lot in common and I feel confident that you should not be worried at all about your son’s room or seminar.
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Thanks. I know it will probably all work out. We are in the throes of some last angsty weeks and it would be nice if things were proceeding a little more smoothly. S is fairly outgoing, so hoping that he can roll with it. I think they’re all some combination of nervous/excited and the proportions of excited vs nervous change daily, if not hourly.
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Brown sent an email telling the peeps to mask up now. They had approved no mask about a month or two ago for indoor dining. Not sure what the indoor dining situation will be in a few weeks. They did say convocation is students only. I guess in the past parents could attend (we aren’t staying pass the move-in weekend but will be there a couple of days after move-in day). I’m just hoping kids get some normal in-person experiences. I also hope this year the kids don’t have to deal with urgent move-out due to COVID because this momma bought a lot of dorm things! If anything let my child use that tempurpedic topper.
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D21 (and her mom!) definitely on the anxiety train over here. T minus two weeks until we leave. She’s excited about the school (with the full ride scholarship rather than the 80k price tag as noted above) but nervous about everything else, including being a plane ride away from home. For her doctor mom, I just wish we weren’t sending her into COVID central (FL) where the governor is doing everything possible to allow the virus to spread. At least she and all her roommates are vaccinated and she has no problem masking up in public places even if others are not. I did buy more kn95s to send her with…
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I am getting so worried that the fall will not be normal with all the cases now. 
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I’m so sorry to hear about the kids who aren’t excited about where they are headed this year. I hope they really are just getting all of their venting out on you and manage to find the silver lining once they get started!
We just got back from our trip to RI and MA. D19, DH and I flew up first to go meet friends for the Newport Folk Fest then D21 & S23 met us at my mom’s in MA a few days later. We had a nice but jam packed few days visiting with my family. Hadn’t seen my one brother in 19 months and the rest of the family in 2 years so that was special.
Now back to reality - S23 starts school next week 
and D21 leaves for Colorado a week from today! Yesterday we ordered the things we are shipping directly to the hotel now all we have left are a few things for her pre trip then little stuff like notebooks, pens, etc that we will get there.
Housing said roommates would be out yesterday but it turned out only some dorms were released. D21 is still waiting which is getting very frustrating - crazy that she doesn’t know with less than two weeks until she moves in!
D also got her last choice dorm but I think she really has made peace with it. While we were gone she got an email saying there was a chance to move to main campus if you were willing to live in a certain LLC. There were three options and one fit her pretty well but she said no, I was surprised but made me feel much better knowing she is not too upset about living in the off campus dorm.
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Thank you for your kind words. Yours combined with everyone else here sharing experiences and advice I do feel so much better!
She asked for a lunch date today, so I’m excited to get some more one on one time with her. I’m going to tell her to say yes to all the things until she finds her footing.
I am so grateful for this community. What a fabulous resource!!
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Just curious if your kid’s school is requiring the vaccine and masking for all students, faculty and staff. I think because of this requirement coupled with a mandatory negative test result prior to move in I don’t have too much anxiety for fall at the moment. I certainly understand why people are worried-it sucks.
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Like @Aguadecoco, I am anxious. I’m comfortable with the vaccine requirement and mandatory testing at my D’s school and with reports from parents about how administration handled things last year. I think I’m worried because we are getting ready for move-in in a few weeks and I’m remembering last year when so many kids had to move back home a few weeks later. I do think that is a remote possibility this year but it is on my mind. And if I’m honest with myself, some of this is due to my only child moving 7 hours away, I’ll miss her birthday for the first time ever, etc. etc. etc… stuff we are all going through to some extent.
I hope orientation trips/activities will move forward as planned. Just that they have a normal year in general.
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Awe, yeah missing her birthday and her being your only is definitely challenging-hugs to you. You are right we are all in it right now for one reason or another.
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Since my D’s 18th bday in May, she has gotten 4 new ear piercings, 2 of them cartilage, 2 of them lobes. I don’t have much opinion on the matter, it’s now entirely her decisions to make.
She will probably have a tattoo between the time I drop her off at college and parents’ weekend in late sept. The only reason she doesn’t already have one is that she works as a lifeguard and can’t stay out of the sun until school begins.
It is what it is.
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They are requiring vaccines, but they allow a religious exemption. Mask are required for the unvaccinated, and looks like they will conduct surveillance testing of the unvaccinated.
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