This sounds like my kid. He is so over the whole process. I truly don’t know how he will decide and I fear he will just take the easy choice, whatever that may be.
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My S22 is very ambivalent about college and hates talking about it. Other than our state flagship (accepted) he hasn’t heard back yet and won’t until March. Honestly, I don’t think he wants to think about it. He, too, has no favorites and I have no idea how he is going to pick a school. He is just hoping he doesn’t hate college - he hasn’t enjoyed HS all that much (finds a lot of course work boring/irrelevant) despite being a very good student.
My son doesn’t stress about much (part of the reason I’m on this thread haha), so it is unusual to see him shut down over this. I hope your S will love college more than high school. A lot of kids do. Mine I think may be the opposite, he loves high school and is way too comfortable there.
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Part of his issue is he was deferred at the school that his GF will be transferring to, and he has several (arguably great) in-state options that are significantly less expensive.
He is so done with college presentations, which he equates to selling cat food.
Then add in senioritis.
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There it is…the girlfriend 
It is interesting. Too many presentations. I argued this on a thread months ago that…they’re all the same. Here’s our stats. We have so many clubs, even a quidditch club. You can go abroad. We have many types of dorms. The tours are great but the info sessions death, especially if you do too many. Anything you hear is on line and you likely know anyway.
But I was shellacked. People said going to info sessions is very helpful, so important, etc etc.
So there’s a range of opinion on that subject.
Both my kids agreed with your son. For my daughter, due to covid, we self toured. 11 schools in 4 days. With campuses mainly empty, it wasn’t ideal. But the concept was.
We did one info session/tour at Elon bcuz they were doing private. We were only allowed to drive through Wale Forest, Richmond and High Point. But the other 8 we walked, stopped kids or adults (hoping they were profs), ate in the towns etc.
There are many ways to skin the cat for sure.
The HS bf/gf thing though…that’s a tough one to overcome.
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He just told me that last night – “all of the presentations are the same. I’ve done those already! That’s why I went running around to them all before I applied. I am not going to see them again!”
He is So.Done
And yes, he has been with the GF for two years. The GF is not bringing her car to college. So “Transportation” is weighted heavily on the college list. (Plus freshmen parking policies.)
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It’s nice to hear from some parents of sons, because it can be quite different (and I know this is a gender generalization, and is of course not absolute)…the level they communicate with us about their thoughts or decision process. And it still works out…they just aren’t sharing it all with us, or have a different, internal decision process that is just as valid, for them.
An example…my son (2019) refused to tell me what his preference or top choices or order was, or he refused to even order it for himself, until he had all acceptances in hand. Then he agreed to revisit his top 2 to make the final decision and “just knew” at the end of the second one (at which he is completely happy). I think a lot is going on under the surface that they just don’t verbalize or communicate, and that’s OK. It’s also easy to forget on this board, that so many students each year make the decision with zero visits, no pro/con list, etc etc. I think I might just make sure they are aware of decision dates and that the offer for visits or decision help is there, and then try to trust their (baffling, internal, silent LOL) process.
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My S21 used to say in a sing-song voice after every session: “And if you don’t like one of our 500 clubs you can always start your own!” And then he said, “Just once, I’d love to hear a school say, look-we’ve got 500 clubs, so if one of them doesn’t fit you already, maybe this isn’t the place for you.”
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What I would do in that situation is just wait for the decision from GF’s school. If he gets in great, go visit if he wants to. If he doesn’t get in, wait a few weeks for that to settle and then offer to revisit some of the other schools, but it doesn’t have to be an admitted students day. It was super helpful to us to do the visits and see the kinds of students that were at the school and D22 could see if she could imagine herself there. I’m sure he is still hoping to get into GF’s school and won’t be able to see past that until that decision is released.
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@1822mom Please make up the names. We’ll all be waiting…
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My son has a hard time making decisions. We went to at least 5 admitted student events and it was helpful to him. 2 were first visits and one of those was where he ended up. Pre-covid he was able to do an overnight in a dorm after the admissions stuff.
Some were overwhelming or poorly run. 2 had “major fairs” where you could talk to students/profs in different majors. At others he got to meet future classmates and test his comfort level. Some had parent presentations. I learned about financial aid. A few he wasn’t interested in but I learned things that I could share with other parents or that were helpful to my younger child.
Anything specific to their major or department is worthwhile, imo. School-wide rah rah sessions not so much.
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My S is interested in continuing with music, possibly as a major. So that is a huge factor in his decision. He needs to click with the lesson instructor, music department needs to still be accessible if he switches majors, and he probably should have some musical peers. Doesn’t need to be tons and tons, but enough to keep him inspired.
I do wonder how those admitted student days are… I’ve never been to one, but I am curious if it just comes down to who can throw the best party?
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A well run party is important, but what I noticed was what info they presented, what student interactions were like, etc.
I went to:
Rutgers honors college - tour of facilities, highlights of honors offerings, the opportunity to speak one on one with someone about SAS vs engineering (different merit programs, can’t switch and keep money)
Rutgers SAS - this must have been part of honors but they dug into choosing a major and registration.
Rutgers engineering - general presentation where at least 5 parents asked if they could get more money (no), different disciplines had tables out, a few profs gave talks on their research. Really interesting. Great engagements.
Rowan engineering (this could have been open house day) - presentation, tours of facilities, poster presentations of research, clubs with their student reps to talk about fun stuff. I love Rowan engineering so much. Kids seemed happy every time we visited.
Lafayette (husband went) -? Didn’t make the cut.
Northeastern (husband went) - I’m not sure but it was a lot of kids! Tons!
Vassar - general presentation, tours, fin aid meeting, department/majors fair. What I remember is that I was late for the financial aid talk and they had a student bring me there. I asked him why he chose Vassar and he said it was the excellent aid, which is one of the reasons my son chose it after everything.
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My son does not want to be a music major but wants to continue playing in an ensemble in college. He has already met with and sat in on a rehearsal for the ensembles of interest at his top group of schools. Based on these visits, he has definite opinions about his good music schools and not-so-good music schools.
I suppose if we hadn’t already done those I could use it to try to sell him on visiting a school for accepted students day.
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What was wrong with Lafayette? Also, would this not be a reach school for our kids?
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Sorry @1dadinNC I did say these were for my older kid and I think yes, reaches except for Rutgers and Rowan. Lafayette I just remember neither my son nor my husband were impressed and when it’s your big show off day, you want to impress people. We were there for 2 other visits (engineering and general) and liked the school enough for it to be in the running. The price was a little high for our income (I think 35k with an efc near 15), which was definitely a factor in the final decision
My daughter has not done any admitted visits but scheduled a couple. I think a second trip lets you notice more, good or bad.
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I am thinking that post was not about kids with a 3.0 to 3.4 GPA. My S got into Rutgers but not their Honors College with a 4.0 uw/4.7w GPA and engineering programs are usually for high stats kids.
@Mom270 my kids are different, but that was our experience with admitted visits so far. I know this is the 3.0-3.4 thread. I have one of those, kind of. My D got into Rutgers engineering and SAS with a 3.5 last year, as well as Rowan business. She took a year off and is going through the process again, but never did second visits.
S got into Knox yesterday with a nice music scholarship. They have an articulation with Rush University for nursing. I think this could be a good school for him.
As an aside, his high school cannot get their $hit together and send out mid-year grades. I am extremely disappointed with them, that was our whole reason for waiting to apply RD.
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Congrats on Knox. That was a contender for us early on, but dropped when she decided to stay closer to home.
Sorry about the high school woes.
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