Check out University of Delaware
College of Charleston, Elon, Clemson
How about URI?
University of Delaware is the quintessential college town and historic campus. Nice weather most of the year, too. Close to DE and NJ beach, Philly, Baltimore, DC and NYC all easily accessed from campus via train or bus. It has it all. We are in state and canât find a better option. Every kid we know there loves it.
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University of Delaware has great Hospitality program. Itâs centrally located, safe, and great area.
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Narrowing the list to LACs is such a big step. I know there seem to be a million â and so many within driving distance of VA! â but it really helped us narrow D21s list. Location is probably the next hurdle. As you know, adding Northeast or Midwest opens her up to many more! Most of the schools on D21âs list were a flight from home, but she ended up in the Midwest, within driving distance (though not a quick drive!), and it has been nice for many unexpected reasons. Of course plenty of kids travel much farther and happily make it work. We just didnât realize how much of a bonus it would be to have that flexibility.
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Yes, there are so many! So far sheâs visited and liked Juniata and Washington College. Kind of meh visit to UMW but weâre going back for a session where she learn more about the specific programs of interest.
Planning visits to Dickinson, Allegheny, SUNY ESF, Mt Holyoke, SMCM, W&M, UNC Asheville.
There were some midwest schools I encouraged her to look at but she knocked them out of consideration. Already pushing distance a bit, in her opinion, in looking as far as Mt Holoyoke but sheâs open to considering it.
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I loved UDel. My S21 applied there. But D23 is very anti-big schools. Her search is so different than our first one who only wanted the big state schools! Heâs now at VT.
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Wow! Thatâs a lot but an interesting mix and should help your kiddo see a range of options.
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Anyoneâs 23 kid considering a gap year/semester? If so, what are they considering doing? Talked a bit with my S23 tonight and he is very worried about finances. As his grades and suspension further decrease his potential ability to get some reduced/free tuition through my workâs tuition remission program, he said he wouldnât mind possibly working for a year to save up some money to help.
I looked into Outward Bound as well. Anyone have any input/experience with more formal gap year programs?
I am sorry you and your son are dealing with your current stresses. I donât have first hand information about gap year/gap year programs but I know Ron Lieber wrote a book about gap years that might be helpful Taking Time Off (he also wrote the newer book The Price You Pay For College, excellent read). It may be very helpful to read both books to get a better handle on goals and perspective.
I would also suggest that what right now seems like a huge stumbling block (grades and suspension) may look very different a month or two from now. This is all so new and raw, and I hope your son isnât imagining a catastrophe from what ultimately is a very recoverable situation.
I do know that there are exchange programs offered to give students basically a 13th year abroad. One such one is a US/German exchange where students live with a host family in Germany for a year and either do an additional year of high school or do a full year internship with a German company. All the while learning German. I donât know if something like that would even interest your son, but those programs definitely exist.
I continue to hope you are taking care of yourself, I feel a little silly quoting something from Oprah, but you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping someone else with theirs. Sending you and S23 lots of supportive and encouragement!
ETA: Here is an update on some of the people featured in the Gap year bookâŠfrom NYTimes so not sure if there is a paywall
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Thanks. S23 has always been the more mature one. While he has made some recent stupid teen decisions, much of his anxiety and stress about finances has been there for a long time. His dad and I divorced over a decade ago and the kids were stuck in the middle of custody battles for most of that time. Exâs new wife has involved the police more than once. Sheâs sadly very manipulative and abusive to the kids and now that my son is on her âbad sideâ heâs finding more literal damage to his belongings and missing things as punishment. My son knows that although his dad makes quite a bit of money (more than double that I do) and has his MBA, his dad also feels very strongly that kids need to support themselves after graduation and will likely not give much financial support for college. All his dads money goes into the hobby farm they live on.
Kid went with this dad into work a few weeks ago and dad is pushing for him to go into machining like he did and work his way up. Kid owes quite a bit of money in citations for his stupid teen mistakes and he is reminded of it constantly with his dad.
So Im just trying to look into options that may allow my kid to hit the pause button if he needs to while he figures out what HE wants to do, not what his dad or I want him to do.
Also donât have any first-hand experience with gap years; maybe the Peace Corps is an option? Generally speaking, though, I would think the best thing to do for a year before college if youâre trying to save up money would be to find a local job and work work work. As we discussed a while ago upthread, you donât get a full year really if you are delaying applying, as the application cycle starts again only a few months after graduation.
FWIW, my stepdaughter had little help in formulating a life-after-high-school plan; she applied to community college after graduating, attended with zero enthusiasm for about six weeks, dropped out, went to beauty school and dropped out of that (yes, a real âBeauty School Dropoutâ), then worked a series of retail jobs where she eventually matured into managerial positions, and is now, eight years later, back in college as an adult student, getting straight As and working on a psych degree. A traditional College Confidential path is not the be-all and end-all.
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Thatâs a neat site. Very helpful, thanks for sharing.
I read the pages for UNC and Duke, which I know pretty well, and the information is spot on.
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Ugh. Your poor kiddo. Iâm sure youâve made the connection as well, but Iâm wondering whether his toxic stepmom and less-than-supportive dad are more closely linked to your sonâs recent struggles than he has seen/acknowledged. Hope heâs seeing a really good therapist to help him unpack all that.
Re: gap years: I hear ya. Iâve looked into it a little bit for S23 as well, and have come away with the conclusion that itâs really tough to find anything that isnât the cost of another year of college. For example, thatâs about what Outward Bound costs. The 18/19 year olds who arenât mature enough for college also arenât mature enough to be sent out into the world with no structure or supervision, and those things are pricey.
One of the few options that I know of that doesnât cost $$$ is are Rotary scholarships, although I know theyâre really competitive, plus IDK if theyâre on hold since COVID since I think theyâre mostly international posts.
Another option (which one of D21âs friends is doing this year) is working on an organic farm as an intern, if your son would any interest in anything like that. At least heâd be supervised there. And he wouldnât make any $, but at least it wouldnât cost an arm and a leg.
Another good idea Iâve heard of is working at a national park, which could be really fun and also would have built-in some structure and supervision.
I know @Gatormama below suggested the Peace Corps, but they only accept college grads or older adults with significant life experience.
Anyone else know of any worthwhile but cost-neutral (or at least inexpensive) gap year options? Please let us know!
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It is a great time to get a job and save money. My '20 S is working this year after a year at his ED school that was tough because of mental health and covid issues like everyone else. Since he is living with us, he has very few expenses and is saving a lot. He already got a raise and an end of year bonus. The job is tolerable but not super interesting. I am sure he is getting some time to think about what kind of a job would be more interesting to him. Meanwhile the schedule is good for his mental health issues.
I also love the idea of Outward Bound and thought of it for my S, but he wasnât in a good place for it this year. It has been great for other family members.
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He has been working since he was 15. Technically he has 2 jobs at the moment. So this isnât a kid who is totally lazy. He isnât drawn to any trades in particular and when you ask him right now about what he wants to do in the future, he simply says âI have to make money.â
To give an example of what has been happening. Kid messes up (thus the suspension). His dad and I decide he canât use his gaming computer until he gets caught up with schoolwork. Kid comes back to my house after a weekend at his dads and realizes his $100 gaming mouse doesnât work. He shows it to me, there is literally superglue over the sensor. Just the sensor. Of course my ex denies doing anything (and he likely didnât). But this is similar to issues in the past with my oldest and other family members who note that somehow odd things happen when stepmom is mad at them. My son is sadly so used to this he simply says âdoesnât surprise me, stepmom would do anything to make sure you (mom) didnt let me play at your house.â (Last court case a few years ago the court took away placement time from my ex citing him and his new wife were unable to remove their negative feelings towards me when dealing with the children).
Thanks for letting me vent. Iâm keeping my mind open and hoping my son finds a good option for him that allows him to grow as a person. I just fear that if he just works or enters a trade that he will be forced to live at home and remain a target. I think thats why I not so secretly keep wanting him to go away to college, to be removed from the insanity here. My oldest moved 3 hrs away and while hes taking time off of tech school to work, he is still maturing and doing so much better than he was here at home.
The mom guilt that I canât totally protect them is very real.
Unfortunately seems like community college may not be a good option if you would like to get him away from the toxic step Mom although that would save money and allow him to knock out general courses plus give him time to think about a possible future major.
What did you think of Swarthmore?
Just popping back in here. I think I am caught up on your updates and college visit plans-wow, impressive stuff! And I love the honesty of the struggles and set-backs too. My D19 really struggled with anxiety and test-taking in her junior year (and some poor decisions) so I can totally relate. She bounced back senior year and is happy and doing well now, so keep the faith-it will all work out! My S23 is very different (daughter was very artsy and a free spirit, son is more academic and focused.)
For background, my son has a 4.0 unweighted GPA (with advanced and AP classes) 1450 SAT (will probably retake to try to bump up) might qualify for National Hispanic Merit Scholar (as per PSAT) is a Level 10 gymnast, honor band member (percussion) has many volunteer hours and has some leadership roles in gymnastics and band. He plans to study Psychology with double major or minor in Spanish (end goal of PhD in clinical psych.) We are from the Buffalo, NY area.
So we have visited about 20 colleges (starting in sophomore year) and we have a pretty good checklist of what S23 wants:
-Small or medium college (open to big schools with small class sizes or honors programs/colleges)
-Not interested in big party school/Greek life (but would make exception for good scholarship if there was honors program/housing with more serious students)
-Good study abroad program (preferably full Spanish immersion and full year option)
-Good research opportunities for udergrad
-Urban or suburban setting (does NOT want to be âin the middle of nowhere.â)
-Traditional campus preferred (rather than buildings throughout a city)
-known for generous merit or has some rare big scholarships (like @ BC or Emory) he could apply for, knowing the odds might be tough for success but thinking it is worth the try if he really likes the school
-collaborative vibe vs. overly competitive vibe
-bonus if they have positive reviews on housing and food
-would consider doing band or gymnastics/sports if offered at a club level without a big commitment
He was able to eliminate several colleges, but these colleges remain on the list (*really likes):
SUNY Buffalo State College*
Daemen Buffalo
LeMoyne* (Syracuse)
Rollins* (Orlando)
St. John Fisher (Rochester)
Clark (Worchester)
UMASS Boston
Northeastern*
Boston College*
We are visiting Atlanta for our winter break in February so scheduled tours of:
Oglethorpe
Emory (both Oxford and Atlanta campus)
My son has a gymnastics regional meet near NYC during our Spring break so plan to visit:
Fordham (both campuses)
CUNY Hunter (he plans to apply to Macaulay honors so this would be his choice of school)
Other schools he may apply to (but may not be able to visit ahead of applying):
Alabama (only because of the generous merit they offer if he gets National Hispanic Recognition Scholar)
Wilkes Honors College (Florida)-part of FAU
New College Florida
Nova Southeastern (Florida)
He would like to apply to 10-12 total schools in the Fall (Early Action if offered) so we will see where things shake out.
I love reading all these updates and campus reviews-keep them coming! Good luck at this stage of the game-itâs starting to get real!
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