My son is thinking of adding Brandeis and/or University of Rochester to his college list. They both seem great for psychology and research. Both aren’t known for generous merit so definitely financial reaches and maybe academic reaches too (4.0 unweighted GPA and 1450 SAT.) My son doesn’t want a party school, but does want to join clubs and have fun. Wants a school with rigor, but more of a collaborative than competitive vibe. Any insight on either school?
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I think you should definitely understand the Common App and monitor the status of how your child is progressing with it. Far too important to be a “teaching moment”. If they mess up, procrastinate, naively assume LORs, transcripts, etc will get done without hiccups, they will suffer the consequences if anything goes wrong. Any parent on CC is obviously more involved than 95% of the general population. I wouldn’t choose the Common App to be the area to stay hands off
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think you should definitely understand the Common App and monitor the status of how your child is progressing with it. Far too important to be a “teaching moment”. If they mess up, procrastinate, naively assume LORs, transcripts, etc will get done without hiccups, they will suffer the consequences if anything goes wrong. Any parent on CC is obviously more involved than 95% of the general population. I wouldn’t choose the Common App to be the area to stay hands off
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You are there to answer questions. Im being proactive and trying to find answers to areas of the app that might not be as clear based on my kids school.
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She goes to boarding school where the college counselor has 25 kids and it is their job.
I am not using it as a teaching moment. She has taken charge of this. She is 18, spent last year at boarding school handling all of her school related issues without me looking over her shoulder. I wouldn’t even know how to get on the common app to see what she is doing? Do I ask her for her login information? I can’t even talk to her doctor any more without her permission. I just think there is way too much hand holding. But I guess it really depends on each individual kid and how proactive, responsible and organized they are.
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My son is 17 and had a rough year with his mental health. He has a guidance counselor brand new to the school who likely has about 300 plus kids on her schedule.
Is he proactive about college apps? Nope. Is he “organized” about college apps? Nope. Will he be responsible and successful in the future? Very likely yes.
If I had a kid who repeated a grade in high school at a well known boarding school who I knew had a college counselor with a low student roster, I wouldn’t be looking at the Common App either. So I don’t think you are wrong in what you are doing. Just like I don’t think that what I am doing is too much hand holding and instead is just meeting my kid where he is at right now.
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If this were true for my kid, I’d have very little involvement with the app process, like you.
Instead, my kid goes to a large public school in a town where people have been known to move, in order to attend a good school. There are kids (not many, just a handful) that get accepted to ivies or other fancy colleges from his school every year.
Each counselor has 400-500 students. I think he’s had 3 different counselors while he’s been there. I’m not sure he’s ever met his current counselor.
He’s super responsible and we haven’t helped him with his schoolwork or organizing since elementary school. We are helping a lot with the app process because it’s not necessarily easy without guidance (professional or parental). He’s not getting much on the professional end, so that leaves us.
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My son goes to a public where the GC has 300 kids, so that’s another reason I am asking. I think my approach with her is fine while I feel like with him it will be different.
Although luckily his GC is also his tennis coach and I used to work there.
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Our D23’s Guidance counselor has 500+ kids and his main goal is to get as many to graduate HS as possible. He doesn’t claim to know anything about schools outside our state - he doesn’t have time to. I’m just hoping he sends out his rec letter and her transcripts by the E/A deadlines.
So D23 either has to do all the research herself with a steep learning curve, hire a college counselor (we interviewed one and it didn’t go well) or she needs me to help her and I love this stuff anyway. And honestly I have the extra time on hand and she does not at the moment.
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I’m also justifying our approach because the rest of those 400-500 kids on the guidance counselor’s load don’t have parents who are capable (or possibly willing) to help them with the app process.
Obviously a parent can help fill out a form. But as a prof, I’m pretty amazed at how the average parent doesn’t really know how to navigate the college search and selection process. I’d likely be just as uninformed as the rest of them if it weren’t for my profession. There are other kids that NEED that guidance counselor’s help, including QuestBridge students.
My kid will be able to walk into his meeting with his counselor in a few weeks and will have everything mostly done. That is so far from the norm at his school. Even his most scholastic friends haven’t decided on their college lists, let alone started their apps. He’s going to finish most of his app on Saturday – certainly not because of the overworked and underpaid counselor!
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Well, I think that’s your answer right there:
She goes to boarding school where the college counselor has 25 kids and it is their job
… I just think there is way too much hand holding. But I guess it really depends on each individual kid and how proactive, responsible and organized they are.
Attending a private boarding school is a level of privilege that only a tiny percentage of 12th graders experience, and that situation - she’s in a private school with a college counselor who only has 25 kids to attend to, and 40 hours a week every week, all throughout the school year…that’s a substantial lift.
That paid individual, working with those kids all year on their college applications - that situation was arranged by your family.
She is having her hand held.
Your daughter is very lucky and that’s a wonderful level of attention and guidance that she’s receiving.
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I think the college counselors also teach, but that is beside the point.
I wasn’t asking anyone to justify anything, more just curious how involved parents are and I guess that varies by school, kid, and parent. She has that level of privilege because of her work in applying before Jr. year, with essays, interviews, letters of recommendation, transcripts etc. I did help with that, but that was two years ago. She got more financial aid to that BS than we could ever imagine so her privilege is mostly thanks to generous donors at her school.
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I do agree that maybe some parents coddle and overstep in their teens lives.
My general thoughts are if it is something they have never done before and/or will have potential long term consequences, I will “hand hold” or in my terms, teach them, educate them, guide them, and support them through the process.
I refuse to micromanage my kids. But I will help them with college admission applications, drivers license applications, taxes, stuff like that. I dont think my sons school has had many in depth discussions about college admissions. We have been to a couple info sessions at the school district through the years and I can tell you they are very surface level and not at all in depth about anything. Our public school does not push college only as post graduation options. Tech school and apprenticeships are highly discussed as well.
Im a 50 year old woman who works at a college and I myself still have questions about all this stuff. I can see how it can be overwhelming for some kids who don’t have real resources besides us parents. Add in quirks like Tuition Exchange and other financials, it gets more complex. I know my kid will likely come to me with questions and I want to be able to give him an educated answer.
As they say, you often don’t know what it is you don’t know if a process is complex and new.
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Sounds like my son’s school. There are >50% free lunch kids and the goal is to graduate as many of these kids as possible. The administration openly told parents at the beginning of the school year that rising seniors get one 15 min session with the counselor. It is what it is.
And to the question how much is enough? This is how I look at it. Even for a regular public uni in NC, I will end up paying between $80-100K per kid. I want to know that there is some effort on my kid’s part to spend it well with my advise as needed.
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My twins first day of school was yesterday. Thing 1 came home and went straight up to his room and fell asleep…when I went to go wake him up for dinner he had a fever…100.9. I immediately gave him an at home Covid test and he’s positive. He’s in quarantine until Monday. He’s been sleeping and feverish all day. I’m working from home. He was supposed to submit another college app this week. He’s already written the essay and prompts, filled out everything in the Common App…so yes, I logged in and submitted it for him and paid the app fee. I also logged into his ACT dashboard to send his test scores. It took me all of 5 minutes. I don’t see that as coddling or doing the work for him. All 3 of my kids are pretty self sufficient and responsible, I don’t do their laundry and chores, they all have jobs and don’t get allowances from us, but I do stay involved in their college application processes and make sure their deadlines are being met on time. For my eldest, who is now a sophomore in college, I only have access to the EBill portion of his college portal to pay his tuition, I’ve never asked to see grades or anything else because he tells me himself what I need to know. Every family has a system that works for them.
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Frustration: College applications that ask for the number of semesters/years rather than HS credits taken in various subjects.
Further more specific frustration: UCDenver’s Common App questions ask for courses taken in HS, and for English courses the choices are a dropdown menu consisting of, in its entirety, “English” and “Other English”. Like, what?
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On the college apps? You bet I’m helicoptering, hovering, coddling, coaxing, begging, demanding, bargaining, yelling, issuing ultimatums, holding his hand, suggesting, editing, and then sitting right there with him and watching while he fills stuff out, yes I am.
And he also goes to a boarding school where the college counselor has maybe 25 kids. But most are applying ED to top-50 schools and aren’t that worried about the cost.
If I didn’t do what I’m doing, he’d be applying to – (checks list of suggested schools from counselor):
Boston College, Boston University, Drexel, Fordham, GW, American, Syracuse, George Mason, College of Charleston and Gettysburg.
Not one of which we can afford, most of which require the CSS, and most of which do not permit scholarship-stacking.
I know the counselors aren’t supposed to focus on finances, and I’m sanguine about that – but if I didn’t know what I was doing, and if I weren’t taking control of the process, we would be in a world of hurt come May 1.
I don’t mean to come off snippy; I apologize if it sounds that way. Every family’s journey is different. I appreciate the privilege I’ve got to be able to shepherd the whole thing - I am lucky enough to have a WFH office job and tons of research time, and my kid is lucky enough to be on scholarship at a place way above our social strata.
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I think this depends on your child. It can get overwhelming reading all these posts, but each family knows what works best for them.
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out of curiosity - is anyone here on the F B group “paying for college?” it is NUTS. i got sucked into a bit ago (just found it) -now i’m hanging out HERE. so much calmer. but boy, there are so many people who have no idea whatsoever about financial aid; need aid, merit aid; scholarships, gov’t aid, loans etc. I feel for those kids - and the parents as well.
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I don’t like FB but found CC while doing a Google search and not leaving anytime soon.
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