We have seen so many SEC schools between my 3 kids - we have actually seen so many schools.
I don’t know how helpful our impressions are to others. Fit and feel can be so personal. Places that looked perfect on paper for our oldest fell off the list completely after visiting when students were on campus (not the vibe at all that they needed/wanted in a school). Schools that our oldest loved, didn’t fit well with our middle or our youngest. We are big proponents of “fit” and blooming where you are planted. For our family “fit” and “finances” are top on the list. We figured that outcomes were much more dependent on our child than on the name of a school.We also believe that they would have a lot of wiggle room if they landed just a “good” not a “dream” career path if they had no debt. We feel that kids who are happy and adjusted to the school will build stronger relationships, join organizations, take more academic risks, and have the opportunity to shine. We know that other families have different ideas of the perfect school.
I do have one that fell in love with Alabama, attended, and had the college dream experience: amazing friendships, great school spirit, top academics, outstanding paid internships,multiple job offer in field at top companies, and no debt. Alabama was the real deal. #3 would be a perfect fit for Alabama -it has everything she is looking for - she won’t even consider it b/c of sibling. We all loved Auburn and would have been happy had any chosen to attend (although their costs have risen and merit scholarships decreased so not so sure that it is a value anymore). We loved UGA and #2 would have attended with a top scholarship if reach didn’t happen. Clemson and UNC fell off of #2 list. The first 2 didn’t consider any Florida schools but many of their friends did. Our youngest sees these older friends loving life and so Florida schools landed on her list. Fit is personal.
Kentucky, Mississippi, and WVU all didn’t make the cut for various reasons. However we have friends and family who have kids at all 3 who are thriving. We never looked at $$$ schools like Tulane or Vanderbilt, even for our child who had the application to compete for top scholarships. There are many, many more that were not quite right for various reasons.
Once you know the size and general “feel” of a school that your child loves, I suggest visiting similar schools if possible.
Class of 22 parent here. Not the same boat but kid is now at a huge state school (out of state) and it’s the best fit, even though there were times it seemed she was headed toward a much closer and quite small LAC as an athlete (and with merit $) and where she’d have likely been more highly ranked compared to classmates in terms of high school grades.
Her social life at the large school is a way better fit. Her relationship to her sport is so much happier than if she’d been competing for her college. Academically there is probably less hand-holding, though at one point during results season, when she was thinking of going to McGill (famously not a handholding place) she said “maybe it’s time to go cold turkey on advising/counseling; cut the cord and be an adult”.
She’s also taking parental advice to go to office hours, get to know TAs, etc., which is perhaps advantageous (from a work ethic perspective) when compared to having the academic support be readily supplied to everyone.
What’s your bigger worry with the state school not working out: social or academic?
I think you are doing a fantastic job by letting your kid lead her experience. She does have a good option in Pitt which she is accepted at, so you can have some rest in that fact. This is one of the first big choices/changes in their lives. Letting her figure it out… with gentle guidance as you can… is a good way to deal with things in my view. Yes, she might realize later that listening to your advice would have helped, but hey… she learned a valuable lesson. As long as she/you can afford the option she ends up with, it works.
D23 and I had a discussion about school size last night, in the context of going to attend the last home volleyball game of the season for the college where she takes DE classes. (The game, which was perhaps the closest, most evenly balanced straight-sets victory one could imagine, set a D2 regular-season volleyball attendance record, which was kind of cool.)
D23 is gravitating more and more to the idea of bigger is better, just because—even if it’s a largely commuter college, as most of her list is—a larger student body means it’s more likely that something is going on on any given day. She likes the idea of being able to spur-of-the-moment go to events because hey, it’s a free evening so why not go see a volleyball game or a reading by student authors or an experimental theater show or whatever else.
(Which means that those of you thinking she should go to Middle Tennessee or North Texas, those odds just went up.)
The idea of large classes doesn’t bother her. In fact, she would kind of prefer a large college with large classes—one immediate turnoff for her was when colleges would say things like “Here you’re a name, never just a number” in their promotional materials.
She also told me that she plans to finish up her essay for Towson’s honors program (deadline 15 November, submitted simultaneously with the general application) this Tuesday, and then she’ll turn to the essay for Middle Tennessee’s really good scholarship (deadline 1 December).
I hear ya - both my kids went/are going to different tiny private schools - graduating class of about 75 kids for each. While they have been well-served by close attention and nurturing, they are both gravitating to the big schools, for the sheer novelty, if nothing else.
I went to a big high school, then a small LAC, and then a huge grad school, and I’m like them - I much preferred the big school for the variety of opportunities and also the student energy.
That said, you need to be comfortable and self-confident in finding your own way, or you can easily get lost in anonymity.
My older daughter was not good at this, and it was touch and go at first on whether she could step up and advocate for herself in a big school where she was just a number, but she managed to take a deep breath and do it.
She’s light years ahead of that scared freshman now, and I’m not sure she would’ve had the growth if she’d stayed at a small, nurturing LAC where everyone took care of her, if that makes sense.
@dfbdfb the nice thing about Towson is that while it is big, it is not huge, and the campus is somewhat compact compared to large public schools. For example, the academic buildings are all in one area. I toured Towson five years ago with S19, not having been to campus since my own college years 30+ years ago when visiting a friend. I was pleasantly surprised how much I liked it compared to say, UMD. During our tour, our guide was constantly being said hello to by friends passing by which kinda surprised me. During our tour at Univ of DE, a much more sprawling campus, I asked our tour guide if she ran into friends much in passing (she was a commuter) and she said not really as the campus was just so big, she mostly saw friends when specifically planning to meet up with them.
That said, I see the positive and negative to both large and small schools. By some coincidence, my older three all ended up at medium size schools with about 6-7000 undergrads. It seems D23 will probably end up at a medium sized school as well.
My son goes to a small private high school. He absolutely hated that small LACs we visited. He wants a big research university. He wants to be anonymous and not have everyone up in his business like his current high school. I hope he’s more likely to find his people at a bigger school.
Are you me? Yes! Similar boat here. We think 23 will do better at a small school yet they think they want a huge school. That said, 23 has been amenable to applying to two SLACs carefully chosen for their unique offerings.
One SLAC would be such a good fit, I think, and the decision will be challenging.
It does! We visited a small SLAC and the student guide said, “I wouldn’t know what to do at those big schools” as though the big schools could never be figured out.
This guide attended a very tiny private in Manhattan.
Her comment just made me think, “I want my kid to be able to figure out a big school because the world is big.”
23 crossed that school off the list. Said it felt like a boarding school.
My worries are many, but reading these replies has helped me feel better. I know I need to have more confidence in her ability to succeed, and I think I do a pretty good job (when not posting on boards) of not sharing that concern with her. She’s super resilient. But her decision making isn’t always based on what might be best for her. Then again, whose was at 17? Thanks for all the kind replies talking me down. Sometimes it’s hard to let go.
My son is visiting a small college of 2200 this weekend. He toured Lawrence and didnt comment on size but noticed more dated buildings and such.
We shall see.
The US higher-education system has some issues, but I’d argue that on balance it has more strengths—and one of them is that the kids who need smaller surroundings, they can easily get that, while the kids who need something bigger can easily get that too.
Just a quick chime in- my child wants a big school and I feel that he would do better at a smaller school. He won’t have it.
I had a GC tell me that I should only apply to small schools because I would get eaten alive at a big school. I ended up going to USC and having the time of my life and a great education. I think you can make a big school feel small but you can’t make a small school feel big. The opportunities at a bigger school are not going to be found at a small school - 500 clubs, different majors.
We have 2 kids, a D21 who is thriving at a small LAC and applied only all schools with <3,000 students. She couldn’t be happier! She loves the close-knit community for now and will most likely move to a big city after graduation.
While I’d love for D23 to have smaller classes and a bit more hand holding after a bumpy HS experience, she is looking for a completely different environment—a large, public school with tons of school spirit and Greek life. We figure that she’s more likely to succeed if she’s in a place that she’s excited about and has what she is looking for in a college. For her that includes stadiums full of people!
Haven’t updated in a while. Pretty sure my son will go to Texas Tech. I worry about this decision because it’s a large school, and I had hoped he would choose a smaller school. But I do think that Tech will have the resources he needs to be successful. He is also going to apply to the honors college - not sure what his chances are but I am encouraging him to do so.
This is spot on! D23 has learned that a big school can feel smaller through Honors College, clubs, activities, etc. She just has to find her community, which she is good at. She prefers a medium sized school, but has several exceptions on her list (both small & big). UW-Madison is one of the large ones (our state school) and Carleton is the small one (legacy).
She has a 33 ACT superscore, UW 4.0 GPA, 6 APs, varsity sport, lots of ECs, strong essays and LORs. She’s applied to 6 schools so far (ED & EA). Her ED is a long shot so we keep adding RD schools to widen her net. She’s applying undecided, but is leaning toward history/political science. Bracing ourselves for a rollercoaster ride.
Yes! Similar boat here. We think 23 will do better at a small school yet they think they want a huge school. That said, 23 has been amenable to applying to two SLACs carefully chosen for their unique offerings.