My kid is enjoying chemistry this year as well. Hes begging me to let him drop precalc (hugely due to the teacher). There are no switches this year with covid. Its making it hard for him to be motivated.
D23 is 16 today! Hard to believe. She was initially disappointed that she couldnāt celebrate her birthday as she wanted ā a day trip with her 2 BFFs (their parents nixed it because would have involved some indoor activities). So, instead we had them come over to hang out on our screened porch, sitting six feet apart or wearing masks when they wanted to be closer. They carved pumpkins and watched movies (moved the big TV out to the porch for the evening), had individual pizzas and cupcakes so no sharing of food. Hot cider and cozy blankets. They had a great time and DD was so happy with her āpartyā. One of the girlsā parents have been super conservative about even outdoor socializing so it was a big win that they let her come and the girls loved getting to be together.
@JESmom that sounds like a lovely cozy celebration - this situation certainly is helping us all to appreciate things we once took for granted.
I havenāt posted in a while, so Iāll reintroduce myself/my kid. I have greatly appreciated reading the accounts from others whose teens have executive functioning issues.
My D23 has always been homeschooled (she takes classes through online establishments and at a community college), and she is advanced in the areas of math and science, but she has trouble remembering due dates and she pushes back at any kind of busywork. I am learning ways to help her with her issuesā¦it requires me to stay on top of her due dates more than I ever even would have thought of doing with her older D21 sister. I made the mistake of backing off of my checking up for a couple of weeks only to find that D23 missed a test because she forgot to check her courseās website. She also started one test at 11:55pm when it was due at 11:59. Arg. These issues didnāt start until 8th grade. She never had problems before then (and she has had structured classes with others since 5th grade), so maybe this kind of thing comes on with pubertyā¦?
She is dual-enrolled in college courses because she took regular bio, chem, and physics during middle school through various online state resources. She does excellent work very quickly when she actually remembers to check the due dates. Her issues come close to wrecking her grades often. In 8th grade, her English grade dropped an entire letter because she didnāt turn in the final research paper. She DID the paper, and it was excellent. She just didnāt turn it in. Her work is never too difficult for her - when she needs to catch up with something, she can do it very, very quickly and she can do it well. Itās a planning/organizing issue.
So I (usually) stay on top of her now every single day, and at times it gets frustrating to me because she doesnāt like the fact that I check in on her every day. But if I donātā¦well then she misses a test (thankfully the professor took pity on her because of her age and gave her a one-time-only extension). She does make checklists of what she is supposed to do each week (though somehow that test never made it to her checklist), and we are working on things together, and we are both trying to be patient with the situation. She feels horrible when she misses a deadline; this is not due to apathy or laziness. It is helpful to read othersā accounts of what has worked for their 23s. It is important for me to find a system that works for her so she can work without me checking in on her so much.
I wish I could be of help in that, Janie. My D19 had issues like you describe and the only thing that worked - as much as it really has - was maturity. I remember sitting with her three days before her ninth-grade biology final (she had a D in the class) and watching her cry and struggle because she had just let it all slide while assuring us everything was fine (no online way to check anything back then).
Sheās still disorganized and messy and I have no idea how she does it, but sheās got a 3.6 in college so there is light at the end of the tunnel 
I need to ask yāall about graduating high school a year early. Over the last few weeks, S23 has become laser-focused on doing this. He realized that his GF will be graduated, all his friends are upperclassmen and will also be gone, and he only will have one required course in senior year - English - the rest would all be padding.
His college counselor told him that the pros of sticking around would be to burnish his credentials for college apps, and take a bunch more APs for college credit. Which I agree with.
He says heād be saving us a yearās worth of boarding school tuition. Which is nothing to sneeze at.
However, I think his college list - mostly a bunch of selective schools at this point (Princeton, Richmond, F&M, Pitt, etc.) ā works against this idea. Our #1 priority is merit, and I think this plan would have him at a disadvantage in terms of merit aid. Not to mention, he just took the PSAT last week but Iām 100% certain he checked 2023 as his graduation year, which means it wouldnāt count for NMF, even if he somehow managed to pull off an awesome score with zero prep.
I see some older CC threads mainly saying what I instinctively think: if $$ isnāt an object, if selectivity isnāt the goal, then go for it.
But I canāt find anything substantive to bear this out.
Anyone got any ideas?
@Gatormama, thanks for your words about the executive functioning issues. I appreciate them.
As for graduating a year early, what I have read concurs with what you have heard. D23, as disorganized as she can be, could graduate this year if she wanted to go to our local state school. She has all basic high school graduation requirements already met. Those arenāt enough for more selective schools though, so for right now she plans on going through the traditional four years but just taking more and more difficult classes at the CC. For her, she needs the time to work out her executive functioning issues more before she goes to a traditional undergrad school anyway.
I donāt think, again, just from what Iāve read, that admissions officers at tippy top schools are impressed with the fact that someone graduated a year or two early in and of itself. Itās what they have done with the time they spent in high school. So if those extra semesters mean classes with more rigor and more time to deeply develop extracurriculars, then itās best to do the four years as long as classes can be taken that meet the studentās intellectual abilities.
Janie, EXACTLY. Can you be my sonās college counselor? 
Iām gonna cut and paste my questions into a separate thread in the big CC world, just to solicit some more opinions that hopefully will trigger caution in my sonās outlook.
So D23ās new āsemesterā (since theyāre doing blocks, basically, 3 classes covering an entire semesterās worth of material per quarter) began Monday, and sheās taking English, precalc, and German. Precalc is an IB class (though sheās emphatically not planning on going into the IB program), as is Germanāshe and two of the other students who had come through the districtās Kā8 German immersion program and so were in German III as 9th graders got bumped directly into IB German for 10th gradeāso it promises to be a somewhat intense quarter.
The district here has a āmiddle collegeā program, which is a very structured dual enrollment programāstudents can transfer for 11th and 12th grades (or just 12th) to what is technically a separate high school, but they take college classes at the local university in various subjects while taking high school classes at the school immediately next to the university. (They have to place into at least one of first-year composition sequence or college algebra to qualifyāI suspect my daughter could easily enough get into the latter.) D23 is considering it, because it would let her, for just one example, fulfill her high-school American government requirement with a college poli sci course that would transfer and hopefully fulfill a gen-ed requirement wherever she went. Bonus: Tuition and books for classes that fulfill high school requirements are covered by the school district. It would alsoāthough weād be on the hook for tuition and books, but sheād get a partial tuition waiver through meālet her do things like take music theory courses, which she desperately wants (arguably needs) but arenāt available through the high schools here.
Weird thing, though: Precisely zero of the courses taken as part of the middle college program, whether high-school- or college-level, get a GPA weighting boost. Strokes me as weird, but whatevsāI kind of feel like GPA weighting is a little bit of a scam anyway. The crucial thing for D23 isnāt the grades or whatever, itās that it would hopefully give her a chance to knock out several gen-eds before heading off to college as well as take some college-level introductory music theory and ear training courses, and thus maybe give her room to comfortably get a business or entrepreneurship minor.
If your sons reasons for graduating early were academic oriented than I would say of course. However, it seems purely social and those are not good reasons. Does he plan on going to the same college as his girlfriend? Could he even get into where his friends are going? Do those colleges help him meet his long term goals?
I agree with the counselor in that losing a year of high school does not make him a better candidate for any of those colleges on his list and would likely decrease his chances of getting in, especially in fall with deferrals due to the pandemic, etc. With the uncertainty of how colleges will be moving forward next fall, I dont think now is the time to jump into college a year early.
@2plustrio I agree, not good reasons. He is obviously basing this on social but trying to come up with acceptable reasons that donāt sound so trivial. So heās talked about wasting his time, saving us money, etc. (He has no plan to go anywhere where friends/GF are. Sheās going to Georgetown; he hates D.C.)
You make great points re: pandemic, and thatās something that might resonate with him. Thanks for that.
@dfbdfb - well, so many schools throw out the GPA and recalculate these daysā¦ I wouldnāt worry about that, youāre right.
So Iām clear - Iāve never actually asked this - when you take DE classes while still in HS, even if you get a full year of credit, that in no way affects your freshman status for purposes of college merit aid, right?
@JanieWalker
There are several books on helping with EF skills and I did find some helpful. In the end I had to be realistic with my childs limitations and maturity and set his college plan accordingly knowing I could not be with him nor really help him once he started college. I had to pick only one or two subjects to help him with as far as reminders and let the rest of the chips fall where they did. It was much cheaper for him to fail in high school than it is to fail in college.
Thanks, @2plustrio. We have learned that anything high stress makes her even more absent-minded, so we know the college she attends has to not feel like a pressure cooker. She also never has an issue with turning things in on time If the topic is something she absolutely loves and adores (she falls into the subject and has a hard time coming back to earth). So hopefully she can be accepted into an open curriculum school or a school with few or very flexible Gen Ed requirements.
@dfbdfb that program sounds as if it could be a great match for your D23! Weighting schemes can be so weird sometimes. Itās great that you are able to say whatevs and support her in following her desire for the music theory courses. I had issues like these back in high school (a different time, to be sure) as our weighting scheme was messed upā¦I took the things that were authentically my interest, suffered a few spots in ranking as a result, suffered not at all in happiness, fulfillment, eventual college choice and experience. But I get that these calls can be tough in some situations, and my D23 has faced some of these decisions as well.
It affects merit aid at no colleges I am aware of. There may be some out there that limit it to X credits or whatever, but I havenāt run into any of them. (My D17 had 3 DE credits, and my D19 had 18 DE credits.)
However, taking college classes after high school graduation might. Also, in some cases it is possible to earn a high school diploma and an AA degree simultaneously, and earning a college degree of any type may actually affect eligibility for merit aid at some (though not most) colleges, even if it was earned entirely via DE credit.
Havenāt posted here in awhile, have been busy with S21 and his college appsā¦happy to say that heās pretty much done with all his applications and will be submitting the last one here shortlyā¦now we just wait!
Soā¦Iām now shifting all my energies to S23 twins, Thing 1 & Thing 2 lol. Both of my things are higher stats then their elder brother, which is good because weāre going to be chasing merit aid like mad with these two!!!
Grades wise they are both strongā¦pretty sure both are squarely in top 10%, but wonāt know for sure until the end of this semester when class rank is released. The goal is to keep them both within top 5% of their class. They both start KD (a local SAT/ACT prep program) in January. We didnāt do this with S21, but with the twins I will as they both have the potential to score high on SAT/ACT.
S21 had a very robust resume with lots of volunteer/leadership/extra curriculars, but Covid has pretty much severed everything for the twins. Other than marching band (itās been a very abbreviated season) and Thing 1 working at McDonaldās 2 days a week, there is not much going on. Iām thinking that they are going to have to have high test scores to catch the bulk of hefty merit aid awards. I have fully prepared them for the possibility of going out of state, if thatās where the money is.
With S21ās FAFSA, despite a big drop in income in 2019 (husband changed careers and took a huge pay cut to follow his dreams) our EFC still came out to $30,000 because of our real estate assetts/holdings/rental income. When we start the twinsā FAFSA, weāll have 3 in college fulltime so Iām hoping to see a break somewhere lol.
Iām starting the college search with for these two now but theyāre not being very cooperativeā¦everything is met with an āI donāt knowāā¦what type of school experience do you wantā¦big or smallā¦what majors are you consideringā¦where do you see yourselfā¦I Donāt know!!!
Thing 2 is a little easier to work with, heās thinking he wants a smaller, Hogwarts type college experience so private, LACās is what weāll most likely be targeting. I need to start researching merit aid at LACāsā¦any pointers would be great. Weāre in Texas, and their are two schools that are on the CTCL list here Southwestern University and Austin College. Trinity University in San Antonio could also be a contenderā¦the huge reach will be Rice. I can totally see Thing 2 thereā¦heās a very sweet, quirky, slightly socially awkward kid that has an immense knowledge database on everything under the sun lol. He is fiercely loyal, always willing to lend a hand where needed. Weāll have to seriously crunch numbers and figure out if the Rice Investment will work for our family (the website shows full tuition for families making $65k-$130k, which we fall into, but I donāt know how our rental properties will affect that). If we can qualify for the financial aid, Iād let him ED there. If worse comes to worse, and despite merit aid and the federal subsidized loans, if there is still a shortfall, weāre prepared to sell one of our rental properties to cover shortfalls for the twins.
Thing 1 is going to be the thorn in my side. The kid is so hard to read, and doesnāt have an opinion on anything! The only bone heāll throw my way is āI donāt want to share a room with anyone and I want my own bathroomāā¦ummm okayā¦stay at home then lol.
So thatās thatā¦if anyone has any tips on schools strong in engineering (for Thing 1) and Finance/Political Science/Chemistry/Physics/Public Policy (all areas of interest for Thing 2 lolā¦I told yāall heās quirky!) that meet full need, send them my way please!!!
@Momof3B congrats on S21 being at the end of the application process. My S21 is getting there as well. Maybe check out College of Wooster for Thing 2? Itās a CTCL. They have good merit aid, and it has the potential to be a good fit in terms of campus culture from what you describe for Thing 2. The student body is on the larger side for the small LACs (I think right around 2000?), and the academics are strong - they have a reputation for interesting and accessible professors and an excellent senior year research project. It sounds as if heād be a contender for their top merit aid (which I believe is $38,000 a year at this point). We visited for S21 and liked it a lot.
For a LAC that meets full need, maybe Denison? (from what you describe, I think heād also get merit there). Carleton or Grinnell ?
Thanks for the recommendationsā¦weāll start looking into those. I should have also added that for out of state, we will need something that has easy access to an airport and direct flights to DFW airport. Husband is a FO with United Airlines, so thatās what we would be using for travel.
Iām really really hoping travel letās up soon so that we can actually start planning some visits!
Maybe Macalester fits the flight/airport criteria ? They meet full need, as far I know. Many small LACs are not the easiest locations to get toā¦but Macalester is one of the less common urban variety so closer to an airport, plus I think the academics would fit several of the majors your son has a potential interest in.
@Momof3B If easy access is a requirement take Grinnell off the list. My second son graduated Grinnell in 2019 and itās not easy to get to from anywhere, maybe Chicago. However, it is a special place with very limited requirements so easy to double major and I think itās the only top 20 LAC that still gives merit and meets need.
I agree that Macalester and Dension (I think about an hour from Columbus) are worth looking into.
For Thing 1 maybe UCF or Alabama if he is a NMF, lots of scholarship money and both have very nice honors housing. Engineering is hard anywhere that is ABET certified.