100% this! It really feels like so much of the control (not sure that’s the word I want, but “power” which is the other word I was thinking sounded like too much) is in the hands of the college when the student & student’s family are the ones paying. It just doesn’t seem like a fair playing field and it’s exhausting.
It definitely feels majorly amped up from when my 18 & 19 were going through this process. We got lucky that 23 end up with a full-ride, Stamps Scholarship and she committed and we are done. But up until we found out last week, we were still in that mode. I feel for everyone still in it, I am sending everyone strength to get through this next month… and then the following month of decisions to be made.
It’s just one more way colleges hang a “No poor kids, please (and p.s., certainly no first-gen kids whose parents don’t know how to play the game)” sign on the gateway to the process of applying with an eye toward getting into selective institutions and/or chasing merit aid.
There are a solid number of families where paying the one housing deposit is a big enough stretch, no way they’re going to be able to put down multiple and lose chunks of some of them, if they even know it would be helpful.
(And @Skitcher, I think power is very precisely the word, not overstating it at all.)
I am such a planner that this time of waiting and waiting is painful. I jut want to know where we need to visit next month! This week my son should have at least two decisions from good options in state, so hopefully he’ll know if he can in fact stay in California for college. Next week and the following will be all of his reaches, so we’ll see. I just want to have a plan, any plan, at this point.
We are waiting to hear from our state flagship any day now. We have a trip to New England booked in early April to revisit her other two top schools. There is a chance if she gets into flagship (unlikely) that she will decide to go there and we’ll cancel the April trip. There are two potential dark horses still too. It’s tough figuring out what is best for her. She is fragile and is not a kid who will just bloom wherever she is planted.
I for one have no problem with wishing this time away. End of senior year can’t come soon enough for our family!!!
Coming into round two of the college process this Summer I was getting anxiety from my experience 4 years ago. I was dreading the whole process. I remember the constant hurry up and wait flow we were in. Of course the kids were different and I wasn’t quite ready for that either. D19’s decision went all the way until the second week of April. I was exhausted.
I honestly feel sorry for kids whose parents either don’t know about the process or they are not really willing to participate. It is hard enough when parents are guiding the process and watching for deadlines to think about a kid going at this by him/herself is nuts.
I feel bad for students and even parents who end up paying more for college than they had to in the long run. And when I say pay more that usually means loans that will last forever.
I really wish the whole process could be redone and definitely the cost come down. College should never have turned into the business it is now. Especially when talking about public schools. There have been many politicians that have reduced the funds earmarked for colleges at every turn. The burden has shifted to the student and the parents.
All that being said if a student is inclined they can make the cost of college be lower if they work at it. There are many ways to save of cost. A lot times you might have to give up on something else, but you can do it.
I wish everyone well over the coming weeks with all the decisions coming out.
I think power is probably the correct word, but I think it properly belongs to the institutions especially the private schools. Higher education is a big business and they need to be free to run it how they see fit. Applicants are asking to join and free not to apply when we don’t like the process they follow. I do have a different view when it comes to state funded institutions and applicants from instate who are taxpayers. I believe instate applicants should get some preferences. Unfortunately, many state schools rely on large percentage of out of state tuition and the higher prices people are willing to pay to attend.
I don’t disagree that it’s frustrating and even maddening at some points.
It is so so hard, esp for the fragile ones. I feel you. The best thing to remember is that a year from now, it will matter so much less and 10 years from now, it will matter not at all.
I wish we could make them believe it.
I have been lurking & reading the B student threads since D23 was in elementary school! I’m an older mom and some of my friends were all 10 years ahead of me, going through the process. When I realized the costs I sort of freaked out and started reading, reading, reading about the whole process and how to pay for it. I’m a research nerd anyway. This site has been very valuable to me. I do agree that sometimes it’s all a little much, but I really do appreciate all of the different voices and experiences.
Since I’ve now outed myself as a long time lurker, I wanted to chime in upthread when someone posted about how different the posts are now from 5 or so years ago. Posters here, in my opinion, used to be much more status obsessed. It feels like a lot of parents and students have become disenchanted with the game in the last five years. D23 didn’t apply to any schools that accepted less than 50% of applicants. I think the pandemic really shook people up - paying 40k plus for kids to study online at home seemed to bring up a lot of questions. And also - universities have changed it up with test optional and other policies. So it does feel like the goal posts are changing for everyone - what parents consider a quality “worth it” education, what schools want in new students, what is reasonable or exorbitant in tuition. Lots of change!
I AM SO EXCITED!
i mentioned months ago about how our midwest state is getting aggressive in combating brain drain to top STEM kids with a state-sponsored scholarship (8K/yr) in addition to anything the state schools give.
Last week our D23 was offered a co-hort engineering program (fullride first year; full-tuition/fees the next three, guaranteed Kiewit Internship, study abroad, co-hort trips etc.). We thought the extra State-sponsored scholarships had passed her by; but today - she got one! We’ll let her keep most of it ( savings, ira, potential grad school?) as we’ve promised R&B already. ** again, merit seeking family - with a kiddo who will be staying in state for at least another 4 years!!! (unlike our older 3!) turning cartwheels!
This was me, too. I didn’t get an account and post until kid was a senior. This time last year I was where you guys are now, and it was a long month…but then “it” all happens at once. Hang in there!
There should be power on both sides. However, the process is so murky at most institutions (thus removing power from applicants through lack of information), and the process is so fragmented and byzantine (in ways that tilt power strongly toward the institutions), that the imbalance is pretty horrible.
A market cannot be rational if there isn’t a free and full flow of information, for starters. Lift the veil on application and aid processes and standards! If colleges do that then yeah, maybe then we can talk about making sure that the colleges have power over those parts of the process where it rightfully belongs to them.
Absolutely well stated and rationale thoughts,
but we’ll probably just have to agree to disagree. My view is an applicant, especially at private institutions doesn’t have a claim to power to apply. It’s the organizations right to construct a process that best suits their needs to construct the incoming class that they want to admit. If we as applicants and parents don’t feel we have enough information to make good decisions, or we believe we are not being treated properly, then we don’t apply and just go somewhere else. If they want to keep the process secretive I’m not bothered because they are in competition for students and that process to me is proprietary information.
I certainly don’t like how every school handles the process, but in the grand scheme of things I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal. College applications are just another life hurdle to jump.
Isn’t it just awful? Our entire household is just totally OVER IT. My daughter is off the charts smart - graduating at 16, perfect GPA and scores, involved in so much meaningful stuff - and for what? To maybe get in and maybe get rejected? To maybe get merit and maybe not? It’s all a game, and one we are all tired of playing.
!!!