Maybe I should put this in the bragging thread, but I mentioned it here back in August so I have an update 
My son canāt eat gluten (not diagnosed celiac, but sensitive to it). He likes to get the egg bites at Starbucks because they are the only food there (that he likes) that doesnāt contain gluten.
At his school, you can use a swipe for a drink & sandwich at Starbucksā¦but that did not include egg bites even though they are cheaper than the allowed sandwiches. He spoke with the head of dining services the first week he was there to advocate for a change to allow the egg bites with a swipe. And today that change went into effect!
So, what are everyoneās thoughts on āperformance bonusesā for college students. On the one hand Iād prefer my kid to be internally motivated, however if it worksā¦
The reason I ask is because my son is already aiming to maintain a 3.5 gpa or higher so he can get into his restricted major of choice, but mostly as a joke I told him if keeps a 3.75 or higher, Iād pay for his lift tickets and ski rentals for a trip he was planning to take during winter break. He called two nights ago and told me to be prepared to pay upā¦ lol
To each their own in general ā whatever works.
Personally, I think the example you mentioned ā chipping in for something he was already planning to do and that you are probably happy to see him do seems fine. Iām less excited about straight cash for grades, particularly at the college level by which time they really should be self-motivated (as you noted your son was). While we didnāt pay cash rewards, we did do non-cash milestone rewards. For example, each HS grad got to pick a family vacation destination. And there are things I volunteer to pay for if I think itās beneficial for them to do it. I volunteered, for example, to pay for any of my kids to get subscriptions to the better ChatGPT version if it meant they would use it to learn how to become expert in writing good prompts for it ā because I think that will become a basic job skill soon (sadly, so far, none of my kids have accepted that offer).
My feeling was school was my Dās job. Good grades were expected. At that age, internal motivation was more than enough, not to mention high GPA led to more opportunities for internships and co-ops.
Thatās generally my thought as wellā¦ I was kind of surprised how much it actually seemed to work though. Although I canāt prove the counterfactual ā itās probable his grades would have been the same regardless b/c Iām pretty sure the differential in studying between is stated goal of 3.5 and the performance goal of 3.75 is probably not easily determined, so he was probably going to do the same anyway.
Also, it does bring up a point that Iām not sure how to deal with for adult children but not working. I also think they should treat college as a job, but I also think they should be responsible for most of their fun money ā however, I think for my kid to do well in school, he should be spending about 60 hours a week (given 16 credit hours)ā¦ that doesnāt leave a ton of time to get a job. How do experienced parents handle discretionary funds?
Like @momofboiler1 our feeling was school was our childrenās job. Good grades expected. Weāve never paid them money/gave rewards because of specific grades.
We just pony up the money. I mean, our kids know not to ask for, like, concert tickets and trips to the beach, but they will ask for $50 occasionally to get groceries or whatever. āWhateverā is a broad category, Iām sure!
They would rather have a job - they donāt like to beg for money. So S23 right now is working 10-15 hours a week and hasnāt asked for money since he got the job six weeks ago. But if he werenāt working, and when D19 wasnāt working, itās no issue to front $100 or $200 a month.
This discussion reminds me of the discussion for the parent group for S23ās college. With our older kids, it never even occurred to us to given them any spending money beyond paying for their tuition, room and meal plan and all their travel to/from school. And they didnāt ask and got by fine. That said, they were both at SLACās in small towns. S23 is in a major city. And the parents started asking how much āspending moneyā to provide their kids each month. A few of us said none, but the average response from dozens and dozens of responses was $300-400 a month! (One parent said they do $5K a month!, on top of paying for an apartment and food, but she was the outlier.) Many of the parents noted that going out to eat is one of the main social activities kids do together in the city and that food is super expensive. So if they didnāt provide any extra money, their kids would be excluded from social activities with friends and could end up feeling uncomfortable.
I raise all this now, because if parents are thinking of rewards for performance, I wonder how that intersects with already providing discretionary spending allowances? I also wonder how much of the above is a city versus suburb/rural school thing or just reflects the privilege of many of the parent/students at S23ās school?
We do provide some spending money, for the reason you mentionedā¦ social activities in an urban area are expensive, and we donāt want our kid to be left out. That said, S23 would rather earn his own spending money, and he got himself a job without our prompting.
Weāve never offered our kids any sort of rewards for academic performance and it would be strange to start doing that now that S23 is in college 
We didnāt do performance bonuses, but my kids always got āreport card prizes.ā When I was growing up, my brother always got prizes for report cards if he met some low (to me!) bar like not bringing home any Cs. Me? Iād get all As and met with a shrug and āThatās nice.ā While it didnāt upset me terribly - I knew why they did it. Today, he likely would be classified as ADHD and/or on the spectrum, I was still sort of like āHey!ā
Therefore my kids always got report card prizes! In the beginning, itās be something like Yugioh cards, but as they got older they got nicer. And as they got older - especially in college - it was more of a joke āI feel a report card prize coming on!ā And then the gift was along the line of what you listed above.
Mostly, it was just a nice little reward for them working hard and me letting them know I recognized their effort and was proud of them. But I didnāt want to tie it to a certain threshold. I wanted them to do their best, but I didnāt want them to stress about meeting a certain grade.
I should add about D19 - she was a BFA theater tech student, and she was in rehearsal of some kind literally six nights a week every year (except covid). No joke.
And when rehearsal ended, the dining halls werenāt open.
She meal prepped her last two years, and that was good, but she still needed her occasional lunch or Dunkin.
She had worked a virtual job for a lot of college - she split the rent with us for at least a year - but at the end, there was just too much school + rehearsal, and she couldnāt work.
We didnāt provide spending money. D worked in HS and had enough saved to get her through her freshman year until she started working again in the summer. She ended up earning a ton with her co-op and internships, but did work a couple of extra jobs during the school year - tutor, course grader, and in a lab.
The job situation has been another downside of the large urban university versus suburban SLAC.
The college of our oldest provided paid jobs to basically everyone who wanted one (and no job biased toward financial aid status). Even activities that at many colleges would be unpaid volunteer work, like being a editor for the school paper or crewing plays, was paid. Our middle kid had it a bit rougher, because her college reserved almost every campus job for people on financial aid work student, so she was limited to the least popular jobs ā dining or cold calling and asking for money. She was the editor-in-chief of the paper and worked countless hours stage managing but didnāt get a dime for either. But at least there was a job opportunity on campus. And the college was helpful in getting paid grants for summer research work.
With S23, there are far more students seeking work than opportunities provided on campus. So many have to compete for jobs unaffiliated with the college in the city and at places that are less flexible than college jobs typically are in terms of schedule and hours.
Is what it is ā a trade off of location, school size and school resources.
In true Helicopter mode, I tried to offer that to ābuyā access to grades, but was turned down 
Thatās why I had done K-12.
Of course, I was usually outsmarted: she hardly ever spent anything, but still kept cashing in. Was more like one more tax I was paying on auto-deposit.
Yup - my scheme failed because she was never money-motivated.
(But surprise tickets to a Broadway show, while we ājust happenedā to be in the city, would bring tears to her eyes.)
Literally my words, also. But, because of long 18 hour days in HS, I also didnāt want her to have to get a āsecond jobā just to have spending money.
I also felt that taking summer courses to become a state certified EMT and then volunteer many long/late hours/weekends/holidays, serving the town, I oughta be happy to ācoverā the lost income opportunities.
We donāt do grade prizes but I donāt see an issue with the sort mentioned above.
Our freshman worked all summer and saved up about $2500 but hasnāt worked during the school year yet. We also augment it with depositing $30 a week in his account. However, heās in an urban area where kids go off campus a lot and he pays for some of his expenses such as haircuts, new clothing items, personal items, etc.
We donāt do grade bonuses, but we do give spending money. I donāt want my son working as a freshman and heās such an introvert that we encourage him to socialize. If a little pocket money gets him out of the dorm, Iām happy with that. Heās getting the best grades he can, and I donāt think money would make any difference.
100% our kid.
So I set up an incentive plan:
- text me a picture of him doing fun stuff outside of his dorm and I add $ to his dining dollars (for outside of his meal plan), which he uses for favorite food (sushi, ramen, etc).
I tried to bribe him to attend his morning classes: pic of him in morning classes = more dining dollars, but I havenāt seen those pics yetā¦
Heās getting all Aās, not sure how when he doesnāt go to his 2 morning math classes.
No grade bonuses but I have been augmenting D23ās money. She worked over the summer and also had a large sum from her grad party in savings. Sheās told me that she only wants to spend her summer job money and is saving the grad party money towards a down payment on an apartment when she graduates. Sheās in Boston and I want her to stop being a miser and get out and enjoy it so I send her a $100 a month for fun money. Sheās a very responsible, thrifty kid.
She does not have a job but might get one next semester. The on campus jobs at her urban college are reserved for kids receiving financial aid/work study program but from what other kids have told her she could make more money working 1-2 shifts a week at one of the nearby eateries.
Also - so excited for her to come home Weds! Yay!
We never did anything for grades K-12. For D19 we had a set amount willing to spend on college for tuition, R&B. She used it and was going to be a little short. She ended up getting an extra $8.8K in scholarships while in college. That more than offset her shortage. We didnāt pay for fun stuff for her or sorority dues. But she had worked a lot in HS and saved up plenty of money. She also got frugal while living off campus with food shopping.
D23 got a full academic ride so her bonus is that she will be able to keep her 529 if she keeps her scholarship by attaining I think a 3.25. We did decide to give her $100 a month for fun stuff since she saved us quite a bit. Ironically she has become a little bit on the spendy side and she recently got a job to help recoup some funds.