I think a distinction ought be made between “decor” and functional stuff. Like, don’t need 3 mini-fridges or 3 coffee machines.
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D24 will apply to Dartmouth if she doesn’t get into Williams ED. I view Dartmouth as more similar to Williams (and Bowdoin) than most other Ivies within the greater college spectrum. Still, she might have considered applying to Brown, Yale, or Cornell had their respective NPCs been more promising.
While I agree that it’s unlikely that an applicant would have a good reason to apply to all 8 Ivies, I want to push back a little on the idea that kids can’t have diverse college lists. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being interested in very different colleges–e.g., large urban vs. small LAC. For instance, I went to UCLA and had a fabulous experience, but I think I could have also been happy at Bowdoin, which is in many ways the polar opposite of UCLA. If I were a high school student in California today, I’d probably apply to both.
In this regard, I mostly agree with the idea of “fit,” but I think it is sometimes overstated where there are financial concerns. For example, there’s a very real chance my D24 will end up at our large public flagship. (Indeed, for many high school kids, it’s really the only option regardless of any consideration of fit.) While my D24 really likes fancy-pants small LACs and colleges like Williams, Dartmouth, and Bowdoin, it’s important that she remain open to our public flagship, which is drastically different from those schools. So while her list is primarily comprised of faraway LACs, I don’t want her to believe that her local flagship will necessarily be a bad fit. It’s a tricky balance. (Thankfully, she seems cool with it.)
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So it has changed a lot: many used to have separate ED admitted days as recently as December 2019/Jan2020 and now dont—they have the admit days after RD but the ED kids are invited too. This was the case for Penn and Duke’s admitted student days last yr: D23 got in RD and went and met lots of ED admits as well as all the RD ones still debating! Her friends got in ED to Chicago and UVa and W&M and they all went to admitted days that happened for RD—there weren’t any for ED. The vast majority of the ED kids had seen the school , they just were revisiting for fun and to meet people/get swag. We were lucky to tour every school that made the application list; the revisit plans were set up to make the final decision, as I do think seeing the campus on an admitted day can be very helpful as you can often meet professors/students and also have fun. Definitely better than the covid online admitted programming.
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Exactly, even the boys! For fun I follow a group on facebook with the dorm decorating. It is amazing. Their dorm rooms look better than my bedroom 
I agree with this. Although S24 prefers urban (or very large town) adjacent schools with distinct campuses, he also has a couple of more rural schools on his list - they appeal to the other side of him (outdoors - near skiing). Each school on his list appeals to some aspect of his personality/interests although a few seem like outliers to the casual observer.
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I completely agree with this. I do think even diverse lists will tend to include only some Ivies and not others. Like, I think a lot of people do what your D24 is doing in terms of applying to Dartmouth along with New England LACs. And then maybe other people will apply to Columbia and NYU. And other people Princeton and UVA. And others Cornell and Purdue. And so on. There are many different plausible ways of forming college preferences that can lead to diversity on one dimension even if there is commonality on some other dimension.
So if a lot of Ivies legit score highly by your particular criteria, cool. But still, as you suggest, if I hear a kid is applying to like 7 or 8 of them . . . not impossible that makes sense, but I’d usually be pretty interested to hear the explanation.
By the way, I also agree with your other point that many people need to learn to love their best in-state option for financial reasons, and that is usually doable because most states are trying to provide really good options! I really feel like if you did well enough in high school to get admitted to an affordable “flagship” public, then you have already won the college admissions game. Anything else you choose instead might, for you, be winning even more. But that alone is a great reward for your efforts.
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I always raise my eyebrows when a kid applies to all 8 Ivies or all T20 schools - I think it is often with the mistaken impression that applying to more increases your chance of acceptance.
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I have a lot of sympathy for your son. I hope that he is able to find some joy about this over the winter holiday. I imagine it might be harder with a sister who has more certainty.
I have known many perfectly bright and successful young people for whom NOT going straight to college was the right decision, including a nephew for whom working for two years was just the thing to allow him a break from the high school grind and then he approached college with enthusiasm, a clear sense of purpose, and ultimately great success. I also have two “near nieces” that both chose to do a gap year before going on to excellent schools - they both just weren’t “feeling it” their senior year.
I have also known many perfectly bright and successful young people who dropped out of their first run at college. In almost every case I think it was because they weren’t sure why they were going, other than momentum. The national statistics on how many people graduate from college in four years is abysmally low - I think in part because sometimes people think they have to go on.
My father, who was a lifetime high-school educator, told me all of my life that he felt the majority of young men he worked with were not truly ready for college until they were at least 20.
For people I know well, I am a big proponent of the “You don’t have to go right to college” speech? Said in full understanding that I don’t know a thing about your child or situation!
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Submitted UC Application yesterday and submitted CSU(For Cal Polys and SJSU) a few weeks back.
Son wants to stay in CA only, so didnt apply OOS.
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I think you are right about that. The other contributing factor I sometimes see is such kids are sometimes coming out of families with high ambitions for their kids but not necessarily a lot of direct personal experience with these sorts of colleges.
I know this can sound a little condescending sometimes, but I also think it is true–if you go to one of these colleges, or know a lot of people who do, it is pretty demythifying. They truly are just colleges. Some turn out to be good colleges for some people, some turn out to be not so good colleges for some people, and your life is neither going to be made nor unmade based on whether you end up at a college in or outside these sorts of largely meaningless lines in the sand.
None of which would be a big deal, if families were never putting undue financial, psychological, and so on stress on themselves in an effort to get over those lines. Partially that is a bad idea because it will probably not work most of the time (it mathematically can’t, in fact). But even if it does work, it likely will not have been worth it.
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Bruin alum here also! Totally agree with this sentiment. Fit can come in so many ways.UCLA was undergrad but very tiny college for grad school and both made me extremely happy for different reasons.
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While I generally agree, I also am pretty sure that going to a top 5 or 10 or 20 college can make some difference, in particular for people giving you the benefit of the doubt that they might not give other people.
I am pretty sure that part of the reason I was able to get into a couple of fairly competitive Econ PhD programs without an undergraduate degree in economics or math or anything technical, was because I went to MIT for my undergraduate degree. My husband (who is a successful & excellent engineer, but was an average or below student at MIT) has had multiple potential employers throughout his career tell him that they weren’t really looking to hire someone, but they couldn’t turn down the chance to possibly get someone from MIT. Would we have had those opportunities if we had attended our state flagships, or other excellent but outside the top tier colleges? I doubt it.
It is challenging as a parent, because I know my child can get as good an education at any many schools. But I have also experienced firsthand the benefits of going to a top school. I don’t fault anyone for going for the name if they have a shot at it.
My kids—white, upper-middle-class young men with good, but not blow-the-top-off stats, and nothing particular that makes them stand out—really don’t have a chance at those elite schools. But if they had the personality to push for it, I would certainly support them trying for any or all of the top schools. Just like people are always saying that students without financial flexibility can find their place & make the best of the situation at whichever low-cost school they might end up attending, I think kids who apply to all of the top 20 schools and get in to at least one of them can make it work & find their tribe and place wherever they landed.
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This is good insight. Many of my friends attended an Ivy+ school (I attended a SLAC) and they put their shoes on one at a time just like everybody else. As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, while reasonably successful, none are nearly as successful as my husband who attended a regional state school that is never mentioned here. It puts things in perspective.
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It wouldn’t occur to D24 to coordinate dorm room decor with a roommate. She’s just going to go with whatever bedspread/comforter & wall decorations she wants. For stuff like a fridge & microwave? Those items she’ll coordinate w/the roommate on.
I’ve started buying a couple of things here and there and setting them aside in a big plastic bin for move-in next August. Stuff like:
- a shower caddy that I got on sale for $10
- an LED alarm clock that has a USB port in it to charge stuff with.
- an electric kettle/water heater thingy - didn’t buy this new, we had it in our kitchen and aren’t using it. But it’s something she could use.
- 1 plastic plate, bowl, & cup
- a clear plastic pencil & pen holder
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I love this description of her “inner obstacle course”. I think I am looking at something similar with my D27. Very different from my D24 and I am already thinking of the different approach we will need to take.
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… or with anything at all 
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Do they know what Decor means 
If I mention decor for dorm to my S24 he will look to see if I have gone crazy
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I wish I could post the pics from the boys dorms that I mentioned before. They are like red/white/blue plaid and very preppy. Now it may have been the Moms that coordinated everything but it still was pretty impressive.
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Decor means a clean room to my son.
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With D20 and D23, they weren’t given their roommate assignment until mid July (their schools match 1st years roommates together). If they had waited to coordinate with their roommate they would have had less than 3 weeks to figure everything out before move-in.
Dorm room necessities selection is pretty limited at that point. Also, your roommate may or may not be terribly communicative. It’s a crapshoot. D20 and D23 both have had good experiences with their roommates but know others who didn’t.
The only thing both D20 and D23 coordinated with their roommates was the rental of the room micro/fridge combo and some last minute non necessary decor/room questions (to rug or not rug, what cleaning supplies each roommate would bring etc). Everything else they had already decided.
I would definitely lean on the side of starting to get your dorm stuff (when it works for for you) with what you want/like while realizing your roommate is entitled to their own ‘vision’ on what their side of the room will look like.
Both D20 and D23 had well planned, cohesive designs for their dorm rooms. They chose color palettes and spent a lot of time/effort making sure the finished product would look and feel the way they wanted.
Girls on D23’s floor (and all first time visitors to her dorm room) see her side of the room and say, “OMG, it is like Pinterest threw up in here!” I’m told this is a compliment of the highest order. Her roommate has a completely different, much less curated ‘look’. Both girls are very neat and clean which helps tremendously in their getting along so well as roommates. As well as having good understanding of how to live with other people.
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