<p>My mom opened my college mail once (just random stuff) and I got very mad. I explained to my parents VERY seriously that I do not want them to open any of my college mail starting from then on. This is because I want to learn FIRST of my rejection/acceptance.</p>
<p>Today a letter came from collegeboard and my dad opened it. I told my dad that I requested previously for him not to open my mail and he basically brushed me off. He said, "dont kid around." He told me that all my mail is his mail and that he can open anything of mine that he wants to. I explained to him that I requested that they not open my mail because I want to hear notification first. And then he said, "it doesnt matter. I can hear first and then you can."</p>
<p>Im really fustrated because I am the one going to college, not HIM or my MOM! They're saying that because they are the ones paying for my college tuition, they can do whatever they want. Is this normal? Do you parents do this as well?</p>
<p>No, chocolate, I do not do this to my child. I admit that when college letters came last year I did hold one or two up to the light, but I didn't open them. I know this is frustrating for you. Perhaps having another adult (family member? teacher?) explain your position to your parents might help them understand how important this is to you.</p>
<p>i understand how you feel and how your parents feel... but i am on your side. your parents should respect your request. maybe you can have a heartfelt talk with your mom and have her explain things to your dad, since he seems not to be taking your request seriously... if that doesn't work, then keep trying, because it is important for your parents to recognize your emerging independence. if you don't get this right, then i predict that you will have a lot of "boundry" problems with your parents in the future (even after you get out of college!) good luck, and don't forget: they love you!</p>
<p>I feel tempted to, but I don't. It is his college process, not mine. More importantly, personal mail is just that; personal. I can't do better than quiltguru's advice. </p>
<p>I have heard parents say they might apply to extra colleges for their kids without telling them!! No way would I ever do that.</p>
<p>We have a deal with both of our kids. We are permitted to open ALL of their college mail. This is because the BILLS are also mailed to them...oh yes, here at our home. One kid goes to college 3000 miles away and seldom comes home. We need to see the bill...because WE pay that one. Because we can't tell the difference between a bill and a letter about flu shots, we open it all. Our kids are thrilled we are paying the bills...they do not object. So for next year when you are in college, you may want to reconsider your stance.
Now...having said that, we opened only ONE piece of college acceptance/rejection mail which came while DD was on a band trip out of town. She told us to open it so when she called, we could tell her what it said. All other mail was opened by HER....but to be honest, she really didn't care all that much. In fact, some of the mail sat for a couple of days and she would say" why didn't you open it?"</p>
<p>While I agree that your parents shouldn't open your mail, this may be one of those times when you're better off not fighting about it and just letting it go--esp. if your parents are planning on paying the bills! Then be glad you're going away to college next year.</p>
<p>Chocolate: your parents should respect your wishes. Stick to your guns.</p>
<p>I admit I do open DD's mail on occasion, but only when she's not there and it's from one of the colleges she's already been accepted to or from one she's expecting an acceptance from...hoping that it brings good news that I can share with her immediately (instead of waiting for her to get home and open it!)</p>
<p>Opening mail/or a package is ILLEGAL if it is not in your own name! (and it doesnt matter who's house it its)</p>
<p>Its a felony crime to do so.</p>
<p>Perhaps you should inform your parents of this fact, because simply stating this fact on the internet or to your friends means that anyone can turn them in.</p>
<p>Never! They don't have the right and they are crossing a dangerous boundary where your trust in them is at stake. I would only open mail that comes to the house with permission from my child and then only after asking. College mail usually has the office listed in the return address, so you know right away if it's regarding a tuition bill (which is my responsibility) or something else which is my child's. They wouldn't want you opening their mail.</p>
<p>Chocolateisgood: Pick your battles very carefully. We can all agree that your folks should not open your mail because it is yours and you have asked them not to do so. However, it is pretty clear that your dad is going to open it, and he believes that since you are dependent on them and their support, he has that privilege. You can get a mailing address somewhere else, but be prepared for what they may decide to do. Good luck.</p>
<p>We/ I,dread opening son's mail. Orthodontist, oral surgeon, letters were small compared to the twice yearly tuition letters and subsequent "you still owe" statements.</p>
<p>lorelie2702 is right. I wasn't clear. I don't agree with your parents but since they are paying the bills, they are going to do what they want to. Have you asked them why they don't respect your privacy? If you are comfortable doing that, you could try it and see if they will discuss their decision with you.</p>
<p>It's too late now if applications have been sent in, but I was going to suggest that you get your own p.o. box. Alternatively, you could ask your colleges to send all correspondence to you in care of your hs guidance office. I think a kid should be able to open his own decision letters, especially if he specifically makes that request. I doubt a kid under 18 will get very far pursuing the legal issue.</p>
<p>And the issue right now is decision letters. This is not the same thing as a dentist or doctor or insurance bill. Of course that is ok for the parent to open (and pay!) LOL. I remember accidentaly opening my son's first acceptance letter. It came quite early and it was a skinny envelope. I thought it was some type of routine correspondence - either an acknowlegement or a request for additional info so I opened it. I never would have done so had i know what it was.</p>
<p>My son would stop speaking to me if I opened his mail, and I do respect his wishes. However, I have become concerned that much of the correspondence from a school to which he has been accepted will now be arriving in the form of e-mail. HIS e-mail address, not mine. Son is not too good about passing on important information, so this worries me. At least with regular mail, I could bug him to let me see it after he was done, but now I won't even know what I am missing. I am considering asking the university to add me to their e-mail list. What do other people think of this? Will I look like an interfering parent? I try hard not to cross too many boundaries. (I admit to the "holding letter to the light ploy", though. Recently I discovered that shining a flashlight through the bottom sometimes helps, but really I generally can't read a thing. Kids, don't read this.)</p>
<p>PS Kids: It is not an insignificant matter that your parents are paying the bills. Please remember to start your conversations with "Thank you, thank you for paying for my college. I love you for it and will take care of you when you are old. Now, there is this one thing about opening my mail I would like to talk about...." Gratitude is always appreciated.</p>
<p>I think your parents are putting your relationship at risk. I'd hate to see that happen.
If your colleges will be notifying by snail mail, even though you have your home address on the forms, you can go to the local P.O. and see if they can put a hold on all mail addressed to you. You can pick it up there and reduce the temptation at home.</p>
<p>hey parents, thanks for the input, I appreciate it a lot.
I've decided to just deal with it and let my parents do whatever they want. If it wasnt for them I wouldn't be going to college without any financial worries anyway. As long as I am under their roof, I will have to abide to their rules.</p>