<p>Add my parental vote for mail addressed to you being for you to open and share only if you choose, especially if you are 18. Your parents need to read the book about letting go. Before you go off to college you will need to figure out some protocols for you and your parents to abide by regarding mail, your room et al. Maybe you can get your dad to change by pointing out that being first to see your mail is like getting to open your own presents; your parents did it for you when you were a baby but have had to be patient and wait for you to open them for many years now. At this gift giving season it may the easiest time to get your message across. Good luck. PS- all parents WANT to open their children's mail, it takes discipline not to- "YES" in big red letters on the envelope was hard to miss last year...</p>
<p>Wis...if every college put YES on the envelope (with a return address, of course) parents wouldn't NEED to open the mail :)</p>
<p>In my family we have a running joke. Like most of you seniors out there I have been deluged with mail and email from colleges since the PSAT practice I took in my sophmore year. I never really openned any of it. I felt it was too early and too muchmail. I used to throw it all in a storage box under my bed. But the volume of mail threatened to take over my room. It finally took a Satuday morning where we sorted it all out, and I kept stuff from about 10 colleges. Everything else I threw out and continue to throw out It wasn't until September 2006 (my senior year) that I read any of it. It still comes in droves. My parents are fine. If I don't pick up my mail in the kitchen, every few days it gets recycled. My parents only save the mail from the colleges I am applying to, which I generally read. We cannot wait until the junk stops coming.</p>
<p>I am eager to open any mail now, as my applications are all complete. I am waiting to hear from my EA school any day now.</p>
<p>I wish, wish, wish I could convince any of my kids to open or care about any of the mail they get. If I didn't open it, it wouldn't get opened. My eldest even went as far as forwarding to me every email he got his first year or so of college, so he wouldn't have to remember to tell me about the important things. I got everything - junk, friends, teachers, etc. (He doesn't do that anymore!) But he got his internship because I saw the opportunity listed in one of his emails from the college, and sent it back to him! My kids learned early on that having me informed about things generally worked to their benefit.</p>
<p>I don't do this to my daughter and she makes fun of me. She received her first acceptance in a small envelope that came as she was leaving for work one day and tossed it to me to open, thinking they were requesting more information, and when I opened it I started to bawl and she knew. Didn't bother her that I learned first, and she actually asked that whomever opens the mail (she leaves for school before 7am and often doesn't return home till after 11 pm) text her if anything comes. The difference is that it is her choice and by her request. I would never open my kids' mail (unless its return address was a penitentiary!). Your parents' actions are unacceptable.</p>
<p>I agree...it is unacceptable for your parents to open your mail, if you have explicitly asked them to not do so. And when it comes to a college decision letter (as opposed to unsolicited junk mail), it is even more important that they honor your request. The application, tests, grades and essays that went into the application are all yours, not theirs, and you deserve to know the outcome first. Personally, I think you should stick to your guns on this one. But of course, it is your decision (and that is the point).</p>
<p>hey choc, your last post showed a lot more maturity and sensitivity that your parents are exhibiting. Its always wise to let go of things which will not change. </p>
<p>I hope you have a good relationship with your parents in other areas of your life. If not, then going away to college will give you some respite from the frustration.</p>
<p>My S never cared if I opened his college mail. I would open junk mail (college info), but test scores, acceptance letters, etc. I would always let him have the first look. </p>
<p>I disagree with what your parents are doing and I understand that you want to see these things first, but is it really worth fighting with them about it? Do you have anything to hide from your parents? You're going to show them your scores anyway, right? You'll be out of their house soon and they won't have any opportunity to open your mail again for the rest of your life. I would just bear with them for a few months. They may feel like they have a "right"--you're their child, they paid for the tests, application fees, whatever, they're going to pay for college, too. If it makes them happy to see these things first, just let them. It won't hurt you. Frustrating, yes, but if you're under 18, living in their house, eating their food, etc. there's probably not much you can do about it.</p>
<p>chocolateisgood, I agree with originaloog. I admire you for your decision...you are being more reasonable than your parents. And yes going away will give you some needed independence.</p>
<p>Perhaps you can convince them to make an exclusion for what appears to be an obvious acceptance/rejection letter, or at least to leave it for you to read without them telling you the contents first.</p>
<p>Type in college return address on envelope. Type in your name on address. Fill with hundreds of bits of confetti (or pine needles or tiny beads or down feathers). Repeat until you have at least a dozen, all looking somewhat different, each from a different school. Mail two a day. </p>
<p>Do NOT offer to help clean up the resulting messes.</p>
<p>My d has about 20 mails from various credit card companies sitting on her desk waiting for her to come home. I have this unreasonable fear that she may actually accept one of those when she opens them. It has been tempting to just throw them away. Lol.</p>
<p>Wosrse yet is that her college bill is also addressed to her. Since I called the college to find out the payment due day, that envelop also sits on her desk waiting for her return. It will be a pleasure when she brings that letter to me. </p>
<p>I am sorry that you parents would not have the chance to see your joy when you inform them yourself on your various college acceptances. As a parent I think they are missing out on a real pleasure.</p>
<p>Aren't most colleges e-mailing acceptance/rejection news nowadays anyway??</p>
<p>Another parent "guilty" of holding envelopes to the light (this was last year).</p>
<p>But now that D is away at college, I will call her when she gets mail and ask if she wants me to open it. Then it gets filed for when she's home.</p>
<p>Consider giving your folks permission to hold the envelopes up to the light. Seriously. </p>
<p>I know I was a nervous nelly waiting along with my D. But I would not ever have opened the mail. That's like opening someone's birthday gifts.</p>
<p>Chocolate:</p>
<p>I completely understood why my kids would want to open their own college-related mail - especially admissions/rejections. I respected that and made sure to save the mail for them so they could open it themselves.</p>
<p>When it comes to bills though, I'll open those since I pay them but it's pretty obvious what they are and it doesn't happen until after they're already there.</p>
<p>Choco,</p>
<p>I think just letting it go is a good strategy for now. Pick your battles. Some advice given while "feel good" in nature, would just turn this into a war. Do you really want that? </p>
<p>As long as they aren't throwing away mail before you can see it, well... let it go. I did and didn't open mail for my kids. The college acceptance letters I left for them, the bills (the bills, the bills) I opened and paid. My S had no problem with this, my D fussed a little but not as hard as she usually did on other things. </p>
<p>I can't blame your parents and I can't support them either in this case. It is just one of those parenting quirks.</p>
<p>I don't think it would hurt for a kid to see the bills too. Welcome to the real world and writing five figure checks. They might think about it before blowing off class or taking another bong hit. (yes that only applies to 90% of students none of whom have parents here ;-) )</p>
<p>Take comfort in the fact that soon you will have your own address!!!</p>
<p>Hey get it sent to another address so that you can look at it!</p>
<p>This thread is over 4 years old. Why would you join CC and make your first post on a thread that you’ve dredged up from the dead?</p>
<p>Obviously parent is looking at her mail?</p>
<p>RE OP: Maybe there will an update from the OP who will complain that his parents are opening his results from grad school apps! :)</p>