<p>I'm gong to start this thread off with a bit of background info. During the first two years of high school the comments I received on my report cards were usually along the lines of; "loweryoureyelids has a great mind, yet he seems fulfilled by just earning Bs". However in the early part of Junior year I found Macalester college and fell in love. I knew my grades at the time weren't up to their standards, so I worked my ass off to be able to earn that acceptance. My grades all rose to As, I did decently enough on my SATs, and over the next 3 semesters was able to able to earn that acceptance ED1.</p>
<p>About halfway through my first quarter of Senior year my mom decided I couldn't go to concerts (the local music scene is a big thing part of my life, and I usually go to a 3/4 shows every month) until all of my applications were turned in. So instead of going to a show on Friday or Saturday night (the only days I am able to go to shows anyway, I have a lot of rules regarding concerts it seems) I would just hang out with friends. No work would be done, it was as much of a "waste of time" as going to to a concert would be by her standard. But luckily by the middle of December I had earned that right back with the acceptance to Mac and was in the clear to go to shows. </p>
<p>But recently, she has decided to revoke those rights, once again. Because I am going to receive 2 Bs this quarter's report card, I can no longer go to shows. This is defiantly not the first time I have received Bs, so I asked her why she had taken these rights away. She told me, because you did so much better when you weren't going to shows. However, I haven't gone to a show since those rights were earned back. And even if I had, my grades in Junior year were perfect when I was seeing 3-4, sometimes even more shows, a month. </p>
<p>So I asked her, "do you think not letting me go to shows was the reason I got into college?" To that she flatly responded, "You would still be filling out applications if I hadn't bared you from going to shows. I got you into college". </p>
<p>Now excuse me, but what the **** is that? I filled out my own apps, I traveled to and set up interviews by myself, I filled out every form with only her signature left to sign, etc, etc. I don't know why I've decided to put this in parents, but does anyone have experiences like this?</p>
<p>I’ve never had a kid get B’s to be defiant, but as a parent I’ve had similar experiences. In fact, as a child growing up I had similar experiences. I think it’s called growing up. Your parents want the best for you. I am guessing they have cooked, cleaned, spent money and time as you grew up in many ways to support you. They still are trying to guide you as best they know how toward becoming a happy successful adult. You disagree with rules and giudelines they set up to help you achieve that goal. Welcome to near-adulthood. It is a natural maturing. Expect more of it.
When you are an adult(over 18, AND paying your own way) then you make your own decisions. Then you decide what is best for you.
If when you have children you’ll decide for them too, what is best for them until they are paying their own way.</p>
<p>Younghoss, I can’t speak for the OP but I don’t think his point is that he’s upset with his mom’s rules (though, obviously, he doesn’t like them). Rather, I think he is saying that he’s upset that his mom is using her implementation of these rules to explain his acceptance to Macalester (andthus taking credit for his acceptance) when in reality it was his own hardwork and initiative that got him in.</p>
<p>Personally I don’t think the mother should prohibit concerts based on the Bs.</p>
<p>The OP has the college acceptance in hand, and will have to make his/her own way at Macalester in a few months – better to establish self motivation and learn how to pace oneself now.</p>
<p>I completely agree this is what OP is saying: he is saying that he’s upset that his mom is using her implementation of these rules to explain his acceptance to Macalester (andthus taking credit for his acceptance) when in reality it was his own hardwork and initiative that got him in.</p>
<p>I don’t have all the info of his homelife to know if Op has told us the whole truth, without any bias. So while i clearly understand Op’s position, I don’t know enough to agree or disagree with it. I could only respond to what looked like an “I’m growing up” position. Clearly, unless this child has grown up in a cave, his parents had many many influences on Op, well before the concert issue. The Op, a youngster, sees only this one incident to determine who should get credit for student’s acceptance. As adults, many of us, I suspect, see that much much more went into the acceptance.</p>
<p>“I got you into college” is a thunder stealing comment of the 10th degree.</p>
<p>The kid has been accepted to college. B’s are not going to get acceptance revoked. It is true that the grades were the best when self-motivated to get them AND was seeing concerts all the time.</p>
<p>We have this with my son sometimes. He is a great kid. And if he is getting solid grades, mostly A’s, than it’s hard to complain with his method of how he’s doing the work. He has found an excellent balance in sports, friends and schools. Through the years we have learned that he’s pretty much getting a B+ in math regardless of what he does.</p>
<p>In this case, second semester of senior year, I thnk the mother is exacting her authority because she can and is running out of time. I think she is being unfair and is probably just lamenting her child’s leaving. If the kid lives in Boston, Macalaster is far away. I think she should chill, but don’t think it’s gonna happen without a VERY CALM AND LOGICAL argument given by the OP. Try to see things alittle from her point of view. And maybe spend some time with the woman. As I say to my son… every once in awhile throw me a bone.</p>
<p>If you read the Parents’ Forum for awhile, you will see that parents are always bragging about what great things they did to make their kids successful. Everyone (I think) pretty much understands without saying it that maybe all the stuff these parents did actually helped, and maybe it was just an annoying irrelevance. Everyone (I think) pretty much understands that the children make themselves successful (or not) on their own, and there’s not all that much parents can do to affect the course one direction or another. But parents, especially parents whose children are about to leave home, are often desperate for some involvement in their child’s life, especially if they feel the child is pulling away. So you get situations like this.</p>
<p>It will end soon, no matter what. In the meantime, why don’t you try to have a rational, calm conversation about it, in which you are sensitive to your mother’s emotional needs rather than being contemptuous or mocking of them?</p>
<p>You know you were chosen on your merits, as do the admissions committees who read your application and decided they wanted to admit you. They didn’t admit your mom, or your mom’s rules. I understand her wanting to pat herself on her back for the results of her tough-love approach (especially since I’ll bet it wasn’t easy to stick to her guns in the face of your irritation). However, we all know who really got you into college–yourself.</p>
<p>That said, you’re still living in her house and you need to abide by her rules. She might have other reason why she doesn’t want you to attend so many concerts, and the thing about academic success is, for whatever reason, the sole one she has chosen to share with you.</p>
<p>You might consider negotiating with her–you’ll go to fewer shows, but can still go to some as long as you keep your grades up or do X or Y. You’d be surprised how well a calm, reasonable discussion can work, especially if what has come before was conflict, argument, eye rolling or the like. I don’t know if that’s how you received her latest edict, of course.</p>
<p>Someone once explained to me a situation involving her mother, and (a) said she thought her mother was wrong in her assessment and rules, and (b) asked me to discuss it with her mother, whom I knew, as neutral whose opinions her mother would respect and follow. Out of a desire for self-preservation, I told her she was wrong on both accounts. There is truism that many of us follow: Mothers are never wrong, just ask the fathers and they will attest to that fact.</p>
<p>Loweryoureyelids, your mother is jealous. In addition, she’s p*ssed that you’re leaving home and going on to be an adult, so she’s come up with a way of saying “You’re still the child and I’m still the mom.” In effect, she tried to take you down several notches to make herself feel better.</p>
<p>Parents are human too. What you choose to do with that information is up to you, but I’m pretty sure that’s where she’s coming from.</p>
<p>There are several threads in the Parents Forum about issues that arise over the summer before Freshman year – kids not talking to parents, parents trying to apply arbitrary rules, etc. I think you and your mom have just started earlier than most.</p>
<p>And congratulations on your acceptance! You should feel very proud of yourself.</p>
<p>LoYoEy - I have an opinion on your Mom’s behavior, but it’s irrelevant here. What’s relevant is that you’re growing up, and behavior that used to seem ordinary to you is starting to appear otherwise. Unfortunately you’ll encounter a lot of unfairness in your adult life. At least your Mom cares for your well-being. Most authority figures who apply rules randomly to your disfavor won’t.</p>
<p>PS, If all this is lost on you, try reminding yourself that you’ll be a thousand miles west in a just few months. Good luck at Macalester!</p>
<p>While Mom should not have taken credit for your acceptance, bear with her rules. You will soon be making or breaking it on your own. And “making it” at college will be something that you can claim credit for all on your own (except for whatever finanacial support your parents are giving you) Doing well at school, is the next step in your life as an independent, dependable person. While you don’t like the rules, it is what it is. Make the best of it and move on (this will happen soon) and all of this will not seem at all important in a year or two.</p>
<p>IMO, her point is if she hadn’t pushed you to get your admissions in, you wouldn’t have been accepted at Macalester or anywhere else. It doesn’t sound like it’s not so much the shows but the teenage attitude that she’s making rulings over. You’ve proven you can make A’s if you apply yourself but are just sliding by with B’s (per your own statement about the report cards). Give your mom some credit for the last 18 year of raising a kid with enough on the ball for any school of higher learning to give him a second glance because there are many, many kids out there who’s parents can’t care less what they do during or after high school.</p>
<p>To the Op - I had two experiences in my parents that seem somewhat similar.</p>
<p>First - Between a scholarship, loans, and work I managed to pay for 2/3rds of my undergraduate education. In would infuriate me when I heard my parents taking about how they put me through college. After I had purposely paid as much as I could lessening their burden I hated the words “we put 3togo through college”. A simlpe modification to “we helped put 3togo through college” would have caused a totally different reaction. To me this was more than symantics … they were taking credit for something I worked very hard for, was payign a steep price for, and was very proud of!</p>
<p>Second - when I was a senior I finally got around to having a decent social life. My parents started putting restrictions on my personal life in the interest of my cross country/track career. These restrictions involved not being able to go out on Friday and Saturday night (if I had a meet the next day). To me these rules were quite unfair. I’m sure my parents thought my staying home helped me run better but by then I knew that going out for a couple hours early in the evening actually helped me relax and I did better at meets the next day (where’s the other thread on kids knowing themselves better than parents sometimes). I tried to follow the advice given and just hang in there and live with their rules until I left for college … and then I fell in love and then the benefits of trying to change the restrictions was worth the conflict … so conflict it was.</p>
<p>Of course all this eventually passed and did not have any long-term effect on my relationship with my parents. They are good parents … not perfect parents … just as a I am a good son … but not a perfect one.</p>
<p>Why don’t you and your mom go to a concert together to celebrate your acceptance to Mac and all the hard work you both did to get you there? As a mom, I know I would love to do something like that. It might even get her to relax her stance on future concerts.</p>
<p>Did you express your interest in live music in your Macalester application? In my experience of helping my two children conduct their college searches, I heard repeatedly from admissions officers that they look for “well-rounded” applicants with interests “outside the classroom.” (One of my son’s college essays was actually about his favorite indie music radio station.) You may be able to convince your mother that your music interests actually helped you gain admission to one of the best LACs in the country!</p>
<p>P.S. I don’t know what kind of music you listen to, but remind your mom that both Bob Mould (formerly of Husker Du) and Will Sheff (currently of Okkervil River) both attended Macalester. I assure you both were performing or listening to music on weekends during their senior year!</p>