<p>I feel like I've worked hard through high school. I've kept on top of classes (Early Bird every semester as well), worked up to leadership positions and dedicated a lot of time to extra-curriculars I enjoy, held part-time jobs, kept a good group of friends, etc... I was admitted into my top choice school which, while over 1000 miles away, has all the opportunities I want to try to study East Asian Languages and Cultures while continuing music and writing as extras. I have never been more excited to go anywhere or do anything in my life. </p>
<p>My parents weren't thrilled with my school choice because of distance and cost. However, we're receiving finaid and I'll be doing work study. I'm working two jobs and a paid writing internship this summer so they don't have to pay for books, food, or any other living costs during the academic year. I also agreed to pay them back in full once I graduate (since I could have gone to an in-state uni with scholarships or to a community college for free, they don't think I can really justify going to a private lac unless I intend to pay for it). As it stands, the cost of my school and my older sister's (she's at an out of state art school where she failed half her classes out of laziness, has no job, and uses upward of $600 per month of their money with no intention of paying them back) are comparable without bringing them into an uncomfortably tight financial situation.</p>
<p>The thing is, they talk about my college like it's going to make them live in poverty and that it's the worst investment they've ever been "forced" to make. So, they've been cracking down on me these past few weeks so that I have to be home at 9:00 or leave graduation parties for my friends after half an hour even in the middle of the afternoon. When I was writing an email to work the other day, my dad took the modem and didn't let me use the computer for several days because my sister's been staying up late and getting up at 2:00 in the afternoon and he's annoyed with it. I missed my schedule and a day of work since I couldn't check it online. Also, every time I get home from work they start telling me to do all of these random chores and other things. Sometimes I'm just too tired, or since there's no point in doing the activities I refuse to do them right then. That's when my parents start telling me how ungrateful I am about their huge sacrifices and how they can still withdraw me from Smith next year. </p>
<p>Now, I know the summer before college can be sort of weird, especially since I'm the youngest and my parents will have an empty nest next year and everything. I'm just wondering if any of you could offer some insight about their behavior or on how I can help the situation since I've seen some good advice in other threads. I'm just really frustrated because they seem to only care about money-- my dad didn't even know what I wanted to study the other day when he was talking to someone, and I've been telling him about it ever since I decided to apply to colleges. I don't want to fight all summer just because I'm going off to college!</p>
<p>Sorry this is such a long post! I figure it's better to deal with this summer earlier rather than later.</p>
<p>Your parents might not be dealing with this in the best way, but I think there are several things going on here. </p>
<ol>
<li> Your sister has messed up a bit. Now their baby is off to school far away and maybe she (you) will mess up also. Right or wrong, perhaps in their minds the only way to prevent that is to come down harder on you in multiple ways--curfews and mentions of money and sacrifice. Did they do that with your sister? Your sister is ungrateful and perhaps some of their anger and fear about that situation is being transferred to you. It sounds like you have told them your plans for money, etc., but it is sometimes good to see it in black and white. Maybe share a little spread sheet with them showing them your expected income this summer, the costs of your living expenses, etc. and how you plan to pay for them. It could go a long way in showing them you are not your sister. </li>
<li> As you have recognized they will soon have an empty nest. I think some of this is related to that. Again, it's their last real chance to "parent" you in someways. I don't know what you can do about that other than to promise to email or call once a week while away.</li>
</ol>
<p>Is it possible that they feel as if you're taking their support for granted?</p>
<p>You made a decision they don't like. I'm betting that your choice of majors isn't one your dad respects much. (My parents would have been thrilled with East Asian Languages and Cultures. They did not take what I wanted to study seriously at all.) You going to Smith means they're spending a bunch of money. You may not ever pay them back, even though right now you say you will.</p>
<p>They feel as if they'll never see you. They're hardly ever seeing you now! (Yes, I know. It's because you're working 3 jobs. But if they're not thinking this through carefully it may seem to them as if you're just out having fun all the time.) When you're home you're just sitting there playing on the internet! (Yes, I know.) You're never doing those chores, and sometimes when they ask you to just do your share around the house you refuse to do it.</p>
<p>Can you afford to take some of your earnings and take your parents out to an inexpensive restaurant some night, just to thank them for all the support that they've given you over the years and for their willingness to help you with your dreams? Could you tell them how, even though Smith is perfect for you and you are willing to work hard to make it happen, you regret that you're working all the time this summer and spending so little time with them? And could you then show some interest in the things that matter to them, like how things are going at work and what they're planning to do with all the extra time they don't have to spend keeping you in line?</p>
<p>They're looking at the end of a very important chapter of their lives just the way that you're looking at the end of a very important chapter of yours. But you're probably looking forward to the next chapter an awful lot more than they are. It might help if you could try to keep in mind that your relationship with them is going to be changing enormously, and that they would probably like some reassurance that they will still be important people in your life even if the relationship changes. You might want to think about some new ways to include them in your life, because some of the old ways -- like them bugging you about chores -- are going to be falling away.</p>
<p>And even if I'm wrong about this being a big part of the problem, I can tell you that it's something I wish I had done before leaving my parents' home, so maybe it will be something that works out well for you.</p>
<p>Ditto all the above. So a simple thing to do-tonight when things at home are quiet go up to you dad and kiss him on the cheek and say "thank you" "I am going to miss you so much". Just try it. Tomorrow go up to your mother and ask her what you can do to help with X chore and ask what kind of sheets she thinks you will need at college and are there any old ones you can take or will she go shopping with you.It sounds stupid but your parents love you and are upset and as a parent I can say while this will not "fix" things you will build the tiniest of bridges to improve your situation. Don't overthink it.</p>
<p>Wonderful advice - and if you do the "help me shop" thing, be sure to mention "with the money I got for graduation, not your money". That would make most parents see you as a mature individual instead of a kid trying to get more stuff.
Maybe also just ask for advice (you don't have to follow it, just listen) about life with a room-mate, laundry, eating right, etc. Stuff that they will never know if you followed or not but might like to talk about. Ask them to show you how to bank online, etc. Avoid talk about classes and majors if that's a problem, try to turn it to other subjects.</p>