<p>^Very true, and well-said. Today while out running errands I narrowly avoided having to talk to an acquaintance who is the WORST bragger. This is the person who coyly tried to impress me with the fact her son was looking at UC-Berkeley and Stanford by sending me an email asking if I could recommend hotels in San Francisco–a city I had not visited in at least five years. She even slipped in how some benefactor with ties to Stanford was going to pay for her son to go there. (As if…)</p>
<p>Of course, when he didn’t get in the way she explained it was “It’s a great thing he didn’t get in–we wouldn’t be able to pay for it!” and now all the bragging is about how he is in the fantastic engineering program at our state flagship (where she works, incidentally) that is more highly ranked than certain other programs and how he knows such and such a person who “loves” him and how he is so involved and getting great internships, blah blah blah. Then she pretends not to know where my son goes to school, forgetting both the name of the college and the state. Which is then followed by how her son’s girlfriend (same one from high school) is a better artist than my son’s girlfriend from high school…it is painful.</p>
<p>TheGFG, I agree that this is a double standard, and I suspect it is related to regional differences (as was discussed ad nauseum in the Suzy Lee Weiss thread). Outside the northeast the impressive choice is often the state flagship (as momofthreeboys said), not some faraway private college or university–no matter how prestigious it may be. In Washington, Wisconsin, Alabama, Texas, Florida, and many other states, the flagship is <em>for most people</em> the greatest source of pride and bragging rights.</p>
<p>Good point, redpoint. I think that, just as someone pointed out upthread, parents compete from day one–whose kids talks first, walks first, hits the best ball in T-ball, etc. Parents also compare and compete–who threw the best birthday party or bar-mitzvah, who runs around to the most sports practices or violin lessons etc. So early on parents make favorable and unfavorable assessments of one another. If a kid is smart and academically advanced, some people will insinuate it’s because mom is pushing him too much or helping her too much. Or if a kid gets the lead in the school play, they’ll say it’s because his mom is President of the PTA, and so on. As a personal example, both my kids are good writers and have won essay contests. Some people told me they thought I must have written their essays for them. So I have to be honest that when they both got 800’s on the SAT verbal section, I felt vindicated but obviously I couldn’t brag about their scores. But if I needed some small proof they were smart enough to have done it on their own, now I had it.</p>
<p>So where I think I’ve fallen into the trap a bit is that as a mom of high-achieving kids, I’ve been the recipient of some judgment regarding my parenting methods, my philosophy on discipline, my level of involvement or un-involvement, and the like. I think to some degree, my kids’ college acceptances felt like an independent, outside validation that I couldn’t have been too bad of a parent or my kids too unworthy, despite the fact that you all (not CCers) made me feel that way with your criticisms.</p>
<p>This has been an interesting thread. Personally, I always think it’s sad that I would never ever volunteer my kids’ test scores or GPA, as I know that sharing academic success would generally be perceived as bragging, yet parents of students who are athletically talented don’t seem to be held to that same standard. For example, it seems to be acceptable to post that a child scored 4 goals in their varsity soccer game, but not acceptable to post that a kid got a 100% in AP Chem… Personally, I wouldn’t post either thing, but I’m definitely guilty of “liking” someone’s status abt soccer, but thinking it’s obnoxious when someone posts their child’s grades…</p>
<p>I’m totally getting a Wellesley bumper sticker and t-shirt, which is fine because no one knows what Wellesley is. I did FB post that my d decided to go there, and did not post her other admits, which would have just been bragging. Nonetheless, I admit to a quiet gloating that I recognize as unattractive. I feel like we both “did good” and while it is not the sole measure of my parenting or of my child’s success, I think it’s okay to give myself a little pat on the back. My kid is awesome, and I’ve been a pretty okay parent. Hallelujah!</p>
<p>I do my best. But we used to be better friends when our kids were much younger–so it would seem rude to just say hi and not stop to chat. The total avoidance this morning worked out better. She didn’t even see me. :)</p>
<p>We must be Facebook friends! Hail yeah, I was bragging when my son got into UM… and I am one of the least competitive moms I know. I’ve just never rolled that way.</p>
<p>But I am so excited about this! I ran right out and bought a shirt and a car sticker and a few other things. I hope my FB friends are cool with my enthusiasm. We happen to live near Ann Arbor, so Wolverine spirit is already strong amongst my FB crowd.</p>
<p>Part of the reason why I’m so excited/relieved that my son was accepted is because he’s been homeschooled all his years. I can’t help but feel that my son’s acceptance (anywhere) is proof that our experiment wasn’t a dismal failure. :)</p>
<p>It’s not just some parents who use acceptances to brag. Check out the level of detail in this brochure from a fancy private school in California about where every single student in the senior class was accepted.</p>
<p>Sometimes it is all about the history of the person doing the posting. I love to hear good news from friend afar (and close for that matter) when they are small snapshots into their lives. But we all have those friends who post every single day about how marvelous their children are, how proud they are to be their parent, how they are so beyond blessed…on and on and on. It can get to the point where other parents literally start to make fun of them and the eye rolling gets to an all time high.</p>
<p>On my bragging note, my youngest was born with an Apgar of 1 and then 3. And she actually survived. (14 weeks of high intensity tutoring) Some call her an overachiever, I call her a fighter. It is all in the eye of the beholder.</p>
<p>My jaw just dropped, eclpts. This is foul. The poor kids who are on the bottom! And what does it say about the place if the average GPA is a 4.0!</p>
<p>Yes, that brochure is crazy. If I am reading it right, they list every student by GPA and then where he or she is going? Like we then can’t figure out who is who and what their stats are??</p>
<p>My goodness, Collegeshopping! That had to be a scary time for you. I thought my son’s 3 then 8 was worrisome. I’m so happy to hear that your daughter is doing well!</p>
<p>I think if you got to Harvard you wear a Harvard Shirt. I do not see that as bragging, I see that as school pride. You have to be proud of the school you go to. Brag again has more to do to making others feel bad; It has a mean undertone.</p>
<p>I’m surprised the school in the link above gives that much detail, but it’s an interesting list of schools. Most interesting to me is I didn’t see anyone at the Claremont Colleges and you would think one of those kids might have chosen one of those colleges.</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with the kids posting where they are accepted. Nor is it a problem when the parents post where the kid has chosen to attend - in fact I think that’s great, and the appropriate comment is, “Yay! Congratulations!” regardless of whether it’s MIT or local regional state commuter college. That’s news about your family’s future - that’s why you will be driving to college town at least twice a year and cheering for the Tigers or whoever.</p>
<p>But for a parent to post each acceptance as they are received, before the kid decides where to go? Or worse, the parents who post SAT scores? No, I’m sorry. It’s the kid’s accomplishment, not yours. If you want to tell the relatives - great! There’s an invention called a phone, and another thing called e-mail. Use them. My MIL texts us every time one of our nieces or nephews gets an acceptance, and we love hearing it! But my neighbors only post on their own FB page when the kid decides where to attend. It’s their kids’ business where they were accepted or rejected and no one else’s.</p>
<p>Did you see the part in the article where the woman notes how people tend to list off the colleges they’re going to look at, but somehow always mention the reaches and don’t mention the safeties? I’m willing to bet a lot of those people posting their kids’ acceptances are doing the same thing.</p>
<p>It goes back to being able to separate our lives from our kids’.</p>
<p>BTW, I wear apparel from my kids’ schools and have their stickers on my car. But I don’t wear clothes or put stickers up from every school they got into, only the ones they are ATTENDING. I actually love seeing college stickers on cars, especially stickers that aren’t local. (Once I saw a car that had stickers from the arch-rivals of both my kids’ colleges - I joked, “Wow that family has made some really bad choice!” Of course they are fine schools, we just have an athletic rivalry with them.)</p>
<p>(I have no idea what my son’s APGAR was, but I’m right there with the other poster who had a preemie. After 2 weeks in the neo-natal intensive care unit, I was thrilled when my son was actually on the chart for height and weight!)</p>
<p>Eclpts, thanks for posting that link. I had no idea any schools would actually post the gpas/sats of the entire class, separated by quartile no less! Are all the parents there on board with this? Amazing</p>
<p>(BTW, I couldn’t help but notice that my DD’s SAT scores were higher than the Harvard enrollee <em>modest cough</em>)</p>
<p>I don’t mind the bragging most of the time. I do think its a mistake for a parent to think their child’s acceptance to a prestigious school makes them a good parent. I know it’s just my opinion, but I know people who’s kids are in great schools that I think are lousy parents. Some stressed out messed up kids there. I’m more proud of kind acts and level headed decision making than I am of college choice. So much of that surrounds income level. But we all have times when we brag. Just don’t hurt others feelings with your bragging.</p>
<p>Was out shopping and thought of this thread. The lady in the dressing room next to mine was talking to her friend about her kids. She used wonderful adjectives to describe each of them and placed the adverb “very” in front of every adjective. “My S is very cerebral, very talented, very giving…” She kept going like that for 5 minutes!</p>