Parents vs. Happiness

<p>I really need advice on what I should do. This has been two of the most stressful weeks ever of my life. Tears and arguements consistently with voices on the outside tearing me in opposite directions. Here are the schools that I have been accepted to.</p>

<p>Northeastern (6 year pharmacy program + full ride ell scholar)
BU (medeiros scholar full tuition - 4 years)
Princeton (20k financial aid - 30k to pay to go)
NYU Stern (all loans)
Brown (all loans)
BC Honors (don't know yet)</p>

<p>Waitlisted: Harvard, Columbia</p>

<p>My parents are really pushing me to go to Northeastern. They are strict, traditional, Asian parents who just want to do what is safe for my future. They understand that Princeton is very good, but Northeastern is just sooo safe! They think that I am too young to let this opportunity slip. ("God has given it to you") I cannot convince them to let me do anything outside of the medical field. I love them very much, and don't want to let them down. I am an only child.</p>

<p>However, all of my teachers/friends/most of family tell me to attend Princeton. "Go to the school you like and do the major you like." I honestly do not hate pharmacy and applied there as a safety. However, with these opportunities, I feel wary about sacrificing my ambitions and happiness in the future. The financial stability of pharmacy is really tempting. My heart tells me to go to business, but I cannot convince my parents that it is a good field. They believe it is unstable with little money and more struggle.</p>

<p>I am so confused and really need help... I know what road will lead to my happiness. But I feel I am walking directly in the opposite direction. I love my parents so much and do not want to disappoint them... but it is my life...</p>

<p>Can your guidance counselor or school resource help? If you met with them first would they meet with you and your parents together to talk things through? This is very tough going solo.</p>

<p>I know as a child of Asian parents you are supposed to obey them. It is very hard for American kids to put themselves into that mindset. I don't think I can fully get into that mindset myself. </p>

<p>However, there are some universal truths about the parent-child relationship as one goes off to college: parents think they know what is right for you for one, when often they don't, and the second is that it doesn't surprise me at all that you list yourself as living in MA and Northeastern is in MA. They may really be sad about losing you as you leave the nest. The argument for NE may simply be an argument for wanting you to be close.</p>

<p>The final thing is that they will ultimately respect you more if you stand up for yourself. This seems to be a universal truth about parents. My Dad railed against me when I went to live in Asia after college, but a couple of years later he was bragging about how I speak Chinese, etc.</p>

<p>I would look at things rationally and not emotionally, though, in coming up with a response for them:</p>

<p>1) They are going to miss you. Tell them you promise to come home at least once a month from Princeton to see them (if you can afford that). Maybe every two months.</p>

<p>2) Pharmacy as a field. How safe is it? Do your homework. I thought the field of pharmacy had been collapsing for several years now mostly because of the change in the shape of the field. I could be wrong, but get the facts. You can debate these facts with them. It seems that if you want to go to work in the field of pharmacy these days, you end up working for a pharmaceutical or biotech firm, at best. Have you thought about studying pre-med or biology in school? If so, there's an easy answer right there: you can end up in the medical field coming from Princeton. No need to go to Northeastern. If you want to study something more liberal artsy, this argument breaks down. But what would help is if you have as clear a plan as possible in mind and and are able to present it to them cohesively. I want to study x and to law school or some such thing. Back it up with well-thought-out reasoning. Since you said you want to go into business, get a recruiting list for graduating undergrads from Princeton. Show your parents what they do and how much they start out at salary-wise. That should be very persuasive. Put a presentation together for them on it.</p>

<p>3) Money. Ultimately, they hold the keys to this it sounds like. Because if they don't help, you can't go to Princeton (though maybe you could go loan-funded to Brown) it sounds like. Let them know, if they accept it, that you'd offer to pay them back after you graduate. This is complicated; maybe you've got siblings that will need their financial help too. They also have to think of them. It may be the only fair thing for you to do ultimately for you to go to NE; you haven't shared your situation financially. One thing you could do to demonstrate how much you realize what a sacrifice they'd be making is to tell them you are contacting Princeton to ask for more money. Get some coaching from folks on the best way to approach Princeton for this, and then do it.</p>

<p>Get over this idea that you'll be disappointing your parents if you go to Princeton. That idea is laughable. The parents of about 99% of the people on this board would be proud as punch to have kids go to Princeton. They may fear your giving up a so-called (investigate this!) stable field to chance the unknown. They may feel financially strained to the breaking point to send you there (and in this case you may need to pass up Princeton). But disappointed they will not be, no matter what they tell you!</p>

<p>God gave you a good shot at going to Princeton too -- and the other places -- if you want to look at it like that. This is not persuasive to me.</p>

<p>When you've gone through the rational reasons and shot them down, all they'll be left with is the emotional ones. As I said, try to manage those too: 1) I'll come home. 2) I have a good plan to ensure my security. 3) I'll pay back your loans to me over time.</p>

<p>I am not going to tell you to go to Princeton for sure because it's not clear without knowing your parents' financial situation what would be the best thing to do. However, I can tell you if you go to NE and get a pharmacy degree and it turns out to be something you don't really like, that could end up feeding enough unhappiness to last a lifetime -- and your parents surely don't want this, especially since they'll have the blame for it. It's your life: live it.</p>

<p>You can go to Northeastern for free and get your pharmacy degree and then you can get an MBA! Business schools will look very favorably at an applicant from a six year pharmacy program and you won't have any undergraduate debt so paying for an MBA wouldn't be an additional burden. You would have LOTS of interesting employment possibilities with Pharm and MBA degrees.</p>

<p>Guess I was wrong about the field, but still you can argue that you just won't be happy doing it if you think that would be the case:</p>

<p>[url=<a href="http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos079.htm%5DPharmacists%5B/url"&gt;http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos079.htm]Pharmacists[/url&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/p>

<p>I am an only child, so my parents are REALLY overprotective/suffocative. I haev also done my fair share of research on pharmacy. I know that I will be able to succeed in it, but I think I will not be passioned in it.</p>

<p>I am terrified about becoming one of those people who dread work. However, I think if I graduated from NEU, I would most likely apply to NYU to get an MBA.</p>

<p>My parents make only about 70K from their wages but their adjusted gross income with stock investment is about 130K. However, the stock money never gets touched and is very unstable.</p>

<p>^^^</p>

<p>Wow, that puts you in a tough position. This is a kind of "asset poor" position in a way. It sounds like they are not tapping even the "earnings" of their stock but just letting it compound. And with the market the way it's been, they may feel really put upon.</p>

<p>Is Princeton suggesting the 30K per year would be loans? 120K is a lot of debt to take on for undergrad, a whole lot. But when I hear you talk about not having passion and being terrified about dreading work, I would say it's worth it anyway. </p>

<p>I would let others weigh in here about whether it's worth it or not. As I said, I think it is.</p>

<p>I think the issue is that over time surviving is not enough for reaching ultimate happiness. Thriving involves not just meeting your needs and surviving, but also reaching for your dreams. That's what Princeton and then business represents.</p>

<p>How can you turn down Princeton for Northeastern?</p>

<p>Northeastern????? The 96th ranked school in the nation?</p>

<p>Over PRINCETON????? The #1 ranked school in the nation? WHAT???</p>

<p>Am I reading this right??? This isn't a joke, right?</p>

<p>And your parents WANT you to go to Northeastern? And they're typical Asians?</p>

<p>wow......just wow</p>

<p>Why would you even think twice about this - GO TO PRINCETON</p>

<p>^ My parents are the immigrant type that struggled really hard in underpaid jobs when they came to America. They don't want to see me go through that.</p>

<p>And Northeastern = no debt.</p>

<p>If I don't go to NEU, I risk a lot. If I do go to NEU, I risk my happiness.</p>

<p>How much of the 120k (4 years of Princeton) can your parents pay?</p>

<p>They have to pay some of that at least</p>

<p>So your parents will be "happy" knowing you turned down the best university in the world?</p>

<p>Go to Princeton over Northeastern because U.S. News and World Report ranks it higher? I don't think so. Go to the school that you think you'd enjoy more. Also, think about your future plans--for example, what if you want to go on to graduate school? You'd be even more in debt. Your major could very well change. Throughout high school, I thought that there was no way I could major in anything else other than mathematics. Now I'm rethinking it now that I'm learning more about the other majors. Your interests might change in college; you don't need to declare your major right away. But since you're interested in pharmacy and business, you want to go to a school that's good in those fields. </p>

<p>Don't go to a school that people say is the best school in the world. Gosh, how would they know? They hear other people saying it's the best school in the world and then they think so as well. Go to the school that's best for you.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I know as a child of Asian parents you are supposed to obey them. It is very hard for American kids to put themselves into that mindset. I don't think I can fully get into that mindset myself.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I'd add that it's hard for American kids to understand what you said about the struggles of your parents -- or that your parents don't want to see you put yourself into massive debt for your future. I wouldn't necessarily listen to those who just say, "Oh my god, you have to go to Princeton!" But I would listen to yourself when you say you have no passion for going to pharmacy school.</p>

<p>Also, dchow08 says a lot of sensible stuff, though it seems that he/she misunderstands your desire for pharmacy.</p>

<p>I would go to Princeton first and then apply to pharmacy school later IF that is what you choose. Trust me, the opportunity and education you will get at Princeton will far outweigh anything you will gain at Northeastern. Princeton will give you a world class education and a liberal arts curriculum to expand your horizons. Besides, you want the best an education can offer, and Northeastern doesn't have all the tools. It's decent, but by no means an exceptional pharmacy school.
If you have any questions about pharmacy school, let me know.</p>

<p>
[quote]
How can you turn down Princeton for Northeastern?

[/quote]

Because it's your parents' money that you want to spend, and they don't want to spend it. Guess what? It's your choice where to go, but it's their choice whether to pay for it.</p>

<p>^ However, in pharmacy, are you really looking for the best education? I think the coop program at Northeastern is one of the best tools for getting a person a secure job afterwards.</p>

<p>However, Princeton is such a dream school with a great reputation. >.<</p>

<p>BU offers a full ride.</p>

<p>Northeastern offers a full ride.</p>

<p>Choose between these two. Princeton is too expensive for you and your family!</p>

<p>It doesn't matter if it is a "dream" school that managed to admit you. They didn't shell out for the free ride. Nuts to them! You are such a "dream" student for Northeastern and BU that they will pay your whole way! THEY REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT YOU!!</p>

<p>If you aren't sure about pharmancy, take the full ride to BU and don't look back.</p>

<p>Wishing you and your parents all the best.</p>

<p>I believe pharmacists are in short supply right now and our population is aging so the need may be greater in the future. Have you visited NE yet? I would never want my kids to have that kind of debt for undergrad. With over thirty five hundred colleges in this country, I still am not convinced the difference between the number one and one hundred is that vast. If you do well at a school like NE you will have many opportunities. You will make decent money in this profession and may be able to work and get your MBA with little or no debt. Millions of students graduate from college each year with a very small percentage coming out of the top twenty schools. Are all the millions who don't have those "top" degrees unsuccessful? I am not Asian, but do understand your parents fear. I have no affiliation with NE except one of our kids was interested so we visited and did lots of research.</p>

<p>You go into debt if you have to</p>

<p>This is PRINCETON we're talking about</p>

<p>If you turn down this opportunity, you will regret it for the rest of your life</p>

<p>Well think of it this way - you sacrifice going to Northeastern for possibly going to one of the better pharmacy schools in the nation in the future. Each pharmacy school is different in its educational focus, as some are more clinically based due to the construction of the curriculum. The weakness of the co-op program is that it's oddly structured in its placement of the pharmacy education and may not necessarily prepare you the way a traditional 4 year program would. Remember that not every pharmacist sits behind the counter at CVS. A lot of pharmacy students upon graduation seek out clinical specialties/residencies, and going to a more established school with experience often helps in that respect. More importantly, however, is that pharmacy might not even be what you want to do. I think you should take the opportunities at Princeton to explore what you want to do with your life, should it be a professional career. You owe yourself at least that much. You have your entire life to work, but if your parents have the capacity to give you this luxury, it's worth any dollar amount. School only comes once.</p>