<p>Hey I could really use you guys opinions on this.</p>
<p>I plan on transferring from a school where I have a full academic scholarship, but where I'm absolutely miserable, to a school where I'll have to pay full tuition, but where I know I'll be happy.</p>
<p>Before even applying for transfer my parents assured me the they would be able to pay for my new school comfortably, so I thought everything was cool. But now I'm home for the summer and now they just decided to tell me that I need to start applying for all of these scholarships because money is tight.</p>
<p>I don't have a problem applying but almost all of the deadlines have passed! So it is very unlikely that I'll get any money for the upcoming year.</p>
<p>I have subtlety hinted to my parents that I would stay at my current school if it would make the financial situation any better but my dad said absolutely not. He told me that he promised he would send me to the school I love so I'm going.</p>
<p>Should I assume my parents know what they're doing and just go to my dream school? Or should I bite the bullet and tell them I want to go anymore and stay where I have a scholarship and put up with being miserable for another year?
Your opinions/advice would be very appreciated. I just feel so confused and guilty :(</p>
<p>My advice would be to sit down with your parents and have a serious talk with them about their financial situation. You’re all adults and this is not just an investment in your future but also a potential draining of their pockets. They may not want to tell you but you need to know exactly how much they will have to pay for this school, how much financial aid, if any, you will recieve and how much, if any, they have saved up. Consider other options like going to your dream school but living off campus/commuting. Also call the school and see if they could provide any assistance. Then you need to seriously ask them if this transfer would be a financial burden. </p>
<p>If they are willing to pay and you can have a clear conscious with this amount, then by all means go to your dream school. But if you can’t be happy with how much your parents will have to pay, then perhaps you should consider staying one more year at your old school so it won’t be too much of a burden.</p>
<p>How can you be sure this new school will make you happier?
If you really want to go to the new school have you considered working?</p>
<p>It’s a tough call, if your parents said “money is tight” you should make
your decision based on that assumption. I doubt they would have said that if it really wasn’t the case.</p>
<p>I just found out the the money that I was counting on for my first year at my new school, which was in a college savings account my parents opened for me from I was a baby, is no longer there. And I found out from a close friend, who is also my parents’s accountant that my mother spent it on a vacation to Asia, and that one of the reasons why money is so tight is because my mother helped put our family in debt. </p>
<p>My dad is saying that he has no problem taking out a loan, which he says shouldn’t be hard to pay off because the family will be back on its feet soon.</p>
<p>But I feel so hurt and angry! My mom spent money that was supposed to be for my education on a vacation! And I cant help but feel like this is her fault but I still feel guilty. </p>
<p>Should I still take my father up on his offer. He seems to support me going no matter what, but my mom has been subtly hinting that I shouldn’t go.</p>
<p>And btw, I am working this summer but the money I save will only be enough for like books and other incidentals and won’t really help with tuition. And I’m an international student so no financial aid for me. And also my parents are respected, successful well-known business owners in my country and everyone assumes we’re wealthy even though we’re actually in debt.</p>
<p>Whatever the reason (and if that’s what your mother was really doing with your college money, that’s a really awful reason), taking a loan is always a risk. See, what sometimes happens with people who try to finance expensive educations exclusively with loans is that, if they plan on exceeding the Stafford maximum, they run the risk of failing to qualify each year. Remember, each year your credit takes a battering and the loan that you took out sophomore year might not exist for you junior year or senior year. You need to have a serious talk with your father; if his plan is based on something that’s possible, then you can go, but if he’s not sure.</p>
<p>I would not go to the new school unless I paid for it in full myself. It sounds selfish and a bit odd that your mom spent your college fund on a vacation (no offense). But that doesn’t justify putting your parents in financial debt to cover a college transfer that isn’t necessary for you to get a good education.</p>
<p>If your parents place themselves in a hole trying to give you the best they can, you’re going to regret it and feel guilty for a long time. Especially since you had reasonable alternatives.</p>
<p>All other things being equal (though they seldom are), whatever your parents can afford to pay from current income, they could choose to pay from future income (paying off loans) until, e.g., they retire. They might want to do this to enable you to attend your preferred school, and have faith that future income will be sufficient. Let them sacrifice if they want to; you may all be unhappy if you refuse.</p>
<p>One thing that you learn as you get older is that the more you rely on others, the more disappointments you will have. Money is clearly an issue in your family and it sounds like there’s already a lot of stress on your parents. I would stick it out for another year and, if your parents’ business improves a lot, then ask them about full-pay transfers. This might give you more time to apply for merit scholarships. This only works if you’re currently a freshman as most universities require you to spend at least two years at their institution.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about your situation. Must’ve been some luxurious vacation your mom had. Ritz-Carlton suites, first class airfare and dining at 3-star michelin rated restaurants the entire time?</p>
<p>You all give really good points, thanks. Hopefully I can get my dad to sit down and have a serious conversation with me. Both my parents philosophy is that money business is their business and I shouldn’t worry my pretty little head about it, ugh.<br>
And I wish that I could take out the loan for myself, but I want to pay for med school myself so I’ll need to take out a loan for that.</p>
<p>And as for my mom’s vacation it was to the olympics in china and the reason it was so expensive was because she took the whole family (all 7 of them). Unfortunately I didn’t get to go because of some exams I had to sit.</p>
<p>And I’ll have to do some serious soul searching this summer. But I’d think I’d rather actually sit out a year and work than go back to the school, I was seriously miserable there. Hopefully I can get my parents to see things my way.</p>
<p>OP, I can sympathize with your situation. My parents neglected to mention that they weren’t helping me pay for college at all until April my senior year when I was asking for the deposit to my chosen school, having done tours and the whole nine yards. It sucks to think something is set and realize your parents spend their money on something else-- my parents go to Florida for a month every summer in a beachfront condo, and tell me they “can’t afford” to send me to college. It blows. But the fact of the matter, and I am addressing this less to you than the others in this thread insulting your mother, is that it is NOT our parents responsibility to pay for our college. They are not obligated to do anything for us after we turn 18. It sure is nice of them if they do, and I’d like to think a good parent goes above and beyond that minimum when they can, but they certainly are not obligated to put their lives and their wants on hold for your whims once you are an adult. That sucks for us because we kind of get screwed for school, but that’s simply the way it is and there are solutions to the problems that arise from these issues. </p>
<p>For starters, you are already at a school-- I would not have gotten to go at all had I not found a way to do it that worked for everyone. What you need to do is sit down with your dad, like you said, and figure out what is livable for both of you. I would not take a tone that bashes your mother for taking that trip-- tht was a trip of a lifetime for your family, and it’s not as if you had to drop out of school to accommodate their wishes to go-- again, my parents didn’t care if I got to go to college at all, you are AT a school and just want to move to a better one. You should go to that better school if you are able, but don’t make the mistake of thinking you were entitled. Your mom may have inconvenienced you by taking that trip but I don’t think she did anything that wasn’t within her right. If you can find a way that works for both of you to go to the school, that is wonderful-- go for it and enjoy. But if not, remember that you are still going to get an education, and that is a privilege, a GIFT, and unfortunately not a right in this country. I would be upset too if I had to go to a school that made me miserable-- I did for two years, and it’s okay to be upset. Just try to keep the bigger picture in mind and keep your eye on the ball, so to speak. Don’t sabotage yourself because you’re disappointed.</p>
<p>The OPs situation is different because the parents said that they would support him in the expensive option but their ability to do so is in question. Parents that promise and then reneg or hope that their kids won’t take the option don’t want to break bad news to their kids. That isn’t really the fault of the kid but it does teach the lesson that people are fallible. Even parents.</p>
<p>The legal obligation may be until 18 but the moral obligation is lifelong.</p>
<p>“but they certainly are not obligated to put their lives and their wants on hold for your whims once you are an adult”</p>
<p>I admit that it is not a parent’s responsibility to pay for college and I accept that. MY problem is that my mother spent money that was specifically set aside for my college education. Money that my parents told me would me there for me when I need it. My parents also told me that they never intended for me to stay at my current school for longer than a year and that finances were ok for when I transfer.<br>
Had I KNOWN that the money was no longer there, I would have stayed home and go to my country’s college. I would have also had ample time to pursue scholarships (of which deadlines have passed at this time).
I don’t feel cheated that my parents are having difficulty paying, I feel cheated that I was informed of this earlier so that I could have helped them as best as I can without making myself or them unhappy.</p>
<p>My parents did the same thing to me. I know that it sucks. Had I KNOWN my parents had no intention of helping me with college at all after all, I would have done a lot of things differently, too. It feels like having the floor pulled right out from under you, right? I am just telling you that your best bet is going to be avoiding displays of anger about it in front of your parents, because the fact that they set that money aside for you at all was more than they had to do. I know they screwed you and you have a right to be upset about it, but in terms of making the most out of the present situation you have nothing to gain from going off on your mom about it. And, if worst comes to worst and you can’t transfer, the best thing you can do for yourself is realize that you are still going to get an education and a degree, and even if it doesn’t feel like it now, that is all you really need. You’ll be okay if that is all you walk away with from these four years. It sucks, but you’ll be okay. Just hang in there and try to maintain a positive attitude, if you want your parents to be in an agreeable mood when you discuss this with them you want to present an air of maturity about the situation or they’ll just shut you down right off the bat.</p>