<p>This is a very old thread…I would love an update from the OP. How did it all work out for your son?</p>
<p>I aqlways complained that my son was lazy until he had a near break down at the end of freshman year. Turns out he was struggling with ADHD that interfered with his ability to organize and carry out his life. With medication and some therapy, sophomore year is an entirely different scene than ever before (starting in middle school).</p>
<p>three words–get a job</p>
<p>man, why do so many kids have ADHD now?</p>
<p>This is an old thread, but it reminded me of something S2 said yesterday. He has a paper due Dec 23 - he could come home earlier and email it, but said he didn’t want to do that because at home he falls into his lazy habits, and there are too many distractions, while he’s gotten used to working hard at school.</p>
<p>I know its old now, but I still want to add this:</p>
<p>What on earth was ‘lazy’ about West Sidee? He was smart, he did what he needed to do to get into a lot of great schools, and he managed to have a social life and the other joys of being a teenager. What part of that is lazy? It was merely strategic. </p>
<p>Life is about balance. It is not just about how many hours of the day you can fill with “work”. I actually believe social lives are <em>extremely</em> important throughout our life. As are many other facets of life that do not fit into the category of ‘work’. I fail to see what West Sidee did wrong or what others can learn from his experience.</p>
<p>My smart but “lazy” son never did one bit more work than he needed to do to get where he wanted to be–which was MIT. He didn’t do that much work there either, preferring his campus job to classes. After he graduated, he tried working for a company for a while, and then started his own business at 22 (two years ago) so he could set his own hours and sleep late and take long vacations. And, you know what?, that’s working. He makes an excellent living and is a joy to be around. He travels a lot, thinks a lot, plays a lot. (And, oh yeah, his business now employs five people, all of who are willing to work harder than he does. Very cool.)</p>
<p>I say, ask the “lazy” kid what his priorities are. Can he figure out a way to be “lazy” the rest of his life?</p>
<p>^^I’d say your kid got a little lucky to get to where he is with his work habits. Or atleast it is a good thing he’s smart.</p>
<p>Work smarter not harder</p>
<p>MLDWoody: he made his own luck through sheer determination. Classic example of working smarter, not harder, which is the exact point I was trying to make, thank you for the concise statement.</p>
<p>*What if he is in the 8th grade, and his grades don’t support the idea that there will be a “big merit scholarship” in the future? *</p>
<p>I’m big on positive reinforcement and negative consequences for bad behavior. If your son is getting all he wants, when he wants, then he has no incentive to do better. If he know that use of the car, spending money, having friends over, etc, are linked to good behavior at home and best performance at school (to the child’s ability), then you’ll get better results.</p>
<p>While I support the idea of “loving the kid you have,” that really only works if your child is doing his best, even if the the best just isn’t that great. If you have a child who could be doing a LOT better, it’s not unreasonable to expect him to do better (even if not top, top). That’s just responsible parenting. </p>
<p>We don’t say…well, my kid doesn’t brush his teeth very often or he refuses to do any chores around the house, but I’m just going to love the kid I have and not expect more…right???</p>
<p>We need to expand their comfort zones, encourage them to do their best, help them grow up. We don’t need a generation of kids who are under-achievers, lazy, and have never had their comfort-zones challenged. That would be a disaster.</p>
<p>I agree with the work smarter, not harder. S has had many wonderful people in his life that are willing to work around his needs to sleep in. They recognize his strengths and he does work “smarter not harder” as well. So far, he has been able to get jobs that work around his needs and schedule. Will see how well this continues now that he has graduated and is going to entering the full-time work world (he has held jobs during the school year and over summers).</p>
<p>Maybe he’ll follow the lead of dmd77’s S and start his own firm after a short while. Time will tell. So far, we’ve been amazed at how flexible his employers have been–they REALLY want him because he is good at thinking “outside the box,” and grasping concepts quickly and completely.</p>
<p>Yulcie had some great distinctions in her answer!
I was always considered lazy as a young-un, but it was a combination of my ADHD and just finding a whole bunch of the world frankly boring and insufferable. Some people with ADHD have as a feature the inability to DIRECT their attention, it is really an issue of executive function, their attention wanders off from the task at hand and it doesn’t get done, and they hyperfocus on a different task, usually one more enjoyable or providing immediate reward. It is not a simple matter of telling them to do it differently, it is not always within conscious control.</p>
<p>Another kind of lazy we refer to in our house as “mathematician’s lazy.” It is the kind where you feel compelled to seek out the most “elegant solution” to any problem. How can I get ready for work with the least number of stairs climbed? How can dinner be managed with the least number of trips to the kitchen sink? What can I say so that younger brother will be forced into the position of taking out the trash rather than me without anyone thinking I am shirking responsibility? Which is more efficient, to carry 4 cups to the table and the coffee pot and milk container, or to pour out the 4 cups and coffee and cream in the kitchen and carry them separately, and what shape cups work best with each system? It looks like physical laziness (and makes one fat, as I can attest!) but it takes a lot of mental effort, and other solutions to a problem just seem kind of stupid in comparison. It’s the way if some people are driving, they need to figure out which lane to be in to never get stuck behind the drivers who are turning, and they memorize their route to know when to change lanes strategically, and when their spouses drive they just stay in the same lane and don’t mind waiting and waiting… (grrr!)</p>
<p>Also, procrastination is often taken for laziness, as is a refusal to do busy work or to practice when no practice is necessary. Procrastination may have other negatives, but it is not the same as laziness, nor is anxiety or depression.</p>
<p>So the “laziest” students can turn out to be really creative thinkers, and can often get their tasks done really quickly. The test is whether given their style and day to day choices, overall the work gets done to everyone’s satisfaction and without excessive grief on anyone’s part… and if not, it’s generally easier to adjust from the baseline than to change a “lazy” person into a “not-lazy” person.</p>