<p>I am admitted to both UCLA and UC Berkeley and after visiting both schools I realized that I loved being at UCLA. I felt like I fit there. What also attracts me to UCLA is that there is greater balance between both academics and a social life. However my parents strongly want me to (and I feel like they are forcing me to) go to Berkeley. They sent me this email:</p>
<p>"We are very proud of you that you have Been accepted by all the UC schools. UC Berkley is the best public University in the world and it is located in the center of leading edge technology development and various industries. Although as parent, we are not obligated to pay for your college education, we will pay for your college if you choose to go to Cal. I know it is your choice to choose where to go. Likewise, it is our choice whether or not we will pay for your college education. We want to make it very clear that we will only pay for your education if you go to Cal.</p>
<p>Mom & Dad"</p>
<p>and now I don't know what to do!!! The deadline to SIR is approaching fast and I am just terribly sad and confused. Any help would be appreciated.</p>
<p>Wow! That is hard to believe! They did not allude to this before ? They wrote a letter ( which IS something I would do)?</p>
<p>When you say you “don’t know what to do”; what do you see as your choices?</p>
<p>In any case, I would encourage you not to let this take away from the fact that all the UC’s are a great and hard to achieve opportunity these days. You will be fine!</p>
<p>Are you sure that they won’t pay for UCLA. What if they are trying to strong-arm you into going to Cal, but will pay for UCLA if you do not relent in your pursuit to go there? Perhaps if you continue to try to go to UCLA and tell your parents that you are going there whether or not they will pay for it, they will relent. Its seems like a half hearted threat.</p>
<p>You asked what you should do. I think the answer is unfortunately all too clear:</p>
<ol>
<li>Go to Berkeley.</li>
<li>Try to make the best experience you can out of it. Resentment is not a healthy way to live. If you go in with your chin up, you may be pleasantly surprised.</li>
</ol>
<p>I am presuming that you are going to live on campus at either option. On shorter breaks, stay on campus and take the ferry over to the city, or visit with friends on weekends. I think Berkeley has a spring break volunteer activity, so consider that. When the time comes, should also take advantage of any summer internships related to your major from the school career office. These are actually healthy things to do even if you didn’t have frustration with your parents. </p>
<p>wow! I’m sorry. Going to UCLA or most other schools without your parents’ financial support is not possible unless there are circumstances you haven’t mentioned. At least, they would have to be willing to take out the loans necessary to pay for the difference between Cost of Attendance and whatever you’ve saved, whatever you can earn, and whatever federal loans the school will offer you (you by yourself can only take on $5500 in debt). If your parents are saying they won’t do anything to help you, you either go to Cal or you take a gap year and try to bring them around. You probably don’t have time to bring them around between now and May 1st. </p>
<p>You have to ask yourself whether you yourself are not being willful in insisting on UCLA. Maybe this is your way of trying to break away from your parents and your childhood into independence and adulthood. If so, it’s an expensive one. Are there not better ways of doing this? Is there nothing at Cal that you find attractive. It’s a great school. Can you go there if you do not feel you fit right now? Could you try a year at Cal and see how it goes? If your parents are buying your soul with their money, you have a decision to make. If you are forcing this issue now, you have a decision to make. None of us at CC can make this decision for you.</p>
<p>You could however, if they will allow you to live and eat at home, attend a community college and earn your first two years of college credit rather inexpensively. This would also buy you time to work on your parents. Is there one parent who feels more strongly than the other? could you work on the other parent? could you get them to see a family counselor? do you have a minister they would talk to? a principal at the school you attend? </p>
<p>Seldom have I seen the choices written so starkly, although I’ve known willful parents prior to this. But your life is not over. It’s just not what you want it to be right now. Getting it there will take some time. What’s the best way to get it to where you want it to be?</p>
<p>Wow, it doesn’t seem half hearted to me. They are very clear. Cal is a better school academically, and they may figure they don’t want to spend their money on an academically lesser school. They don’t care if you can balance your social life and academics, they see the college experience that they want to pay for as primarily an academic experience. The cost is quite similar. I have to say, I don’t know if I would have been quite as strong arm in my tactics as they are, but I probably would have encouraged my kid to go to Cal as well. It is their money… and Cal is a fine school. I would say you are going to have to go to Cal, but that isn’t really a huge hardship in my mind.</p>
<p>That’s really tough, I was in the same predicament (minus the parent drama) and ended up choosing UCLA because I also felt it was a better fit for me. I recommend researching the schools and sitting down with them and talking about the pros and cons of each, like how each school is for your major. Don’t discuss what they’ve said about the money issue AT ALL, that’ll just put them on the defensive. Make sure to fully discuss ALL aspects of each school, don’t just blatantly play up UCLA. Sometimes parents only see rankings, which is a shame, but you could mention how Cal’s rankings have gone down and UCLA’s have gone up over the past years. You just wanna be as mature as possible with it so they understand your viewpoint.
And keep in mind that they are both AMAZING schools and I guarantee you will be happy at whichever you end up going to.</p>
<p>It might be a bit of hyperbole to suggest to a high school senior that you can guarantee she can be happy at either school. She comes from willful parents and might herself be quite willful. Both are terrific schools and it is quite likely that she can find a modicum of happiness at either. Most undergraduates do not love their schools without hesitation; there is more ambivalence in their responses than you might think.</p>
<p>As parents, we never would have shipped our child an email like this… and after all the offers came in as well. So why did these parents? I can think of two obvious answers:</p>
<p>Either: This is a battle that has been going on between the 3 of them for a while, and this email was their final stand.
Or: The parents are very passive-aggressive.</p>
<p>Either way, the parents clearly aren’t interesting in discussing it. Sure, the OP can give it a try for an hour or two, but if that goes nowhere, I think it is time to move on.</p>
<p>I told her in my initial post to go to Berkeley because I don’t think living at home with his/her parents while going to community college is a good “fit” either. Also note that the parents have not agreed to pay for community college.</p>
<p>Go to Cal. Find your passions there and dig in.</p>
<p>I honestly think it’s best to just go to Berkeley with an open mind and try to get everything out of it that you can. This situation really isn’t that bad–you have parents that are willing to pay for your school and the two schools you’re choosing between really aren’t that wildly different. Yes, their campuses are different and the surrounding areas are different, but the student population will likely be relatively similar, you’ll get a good education, and you’ll be debt free (if you’re parents are really willing to pay for the whole thing). That’s a lot more than a lot of other students get.</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate that your parents dropped this bomb after letting you visit both schools, but try to get excited about Berkeley. What is it about UCLA that you like better? Are they actual concrete reasons (that perhaps, you could pitch to your parents as an argument for why you would get a better education at UCLA) or are they subjective impressions that you got about the campus? You can have just as much of a balance between academic and social life at Berkeley as you can at UCLA–the rigor of the academics likely isn’t very different. I know tons of students at UCLA who have a very poor balance between social life and academics, and I know tons of students who have a great balance at UCB. That’s not really a great reason to choose one school over another. Every school has things you like and things you don’t like, but try to seek out things you like about Berkeley, both academically and outside of school. The schools really aren’t wildly different, and you may be able to have a fantastic time there, if you don’t let the “what ifs” about UCLA hinder you.</p>
<p>If you really want to argue for UCLA, though, I think it’s best to make arguments with concrete reasons and numbers about why you would get a better education at UCLA and get better opportunities than you would at Berkeley. Nothing in your post, though, suggests that you have any argument in favor of UCLA besides a gut feeling. And that’s a perfectly valid feeling to have, but I can understand why your parents wouldn’t want to shell out a ton of money for a “gut feeling.” And they’re right. They do get a say in it because they are footing the bill. No one gets everything that they want, and sometimes, you just have to make the best of it. Your situation isn’t perfect but consider how blessed you are to have parents willing to fund your education at a very good school.</p>
<p>Go to Cal. Sorry you can’t go to your top choice school. Take a minute to remember that many many people have to turn down their top choices for financial reasons and essentially that is where you find yourself. Put your frustrations aside, remember that there are people who don’t have the opportunity to attend college, and even fewer have parents able to pay. Go with an open mind, join clubs that interest you, look for friends with common interests etc. and you will be fine. </p>
<p>In another thread, your parents are saying that they prefer B because of ranking. arent they ranked nearly the same? Or not enough to make a difference?</p>
<p>with some kind of bio or life sciences major, both schools are total peers.</p>
<p>Some of my take-away thoughts and questions from this are:</p>
<p>1… Are you from the Bay area? Do they want you at home while you attend Cal?</p>
<ol>
<li><p>What would be your major; is it STEM related? Cal is ahead in STEM as a whole and is no. 1 in production, but UCLA is top-10 also.</p></li>
<li><p>Agree wrt the email from parents to daughter who was possibly around all along, if this is legitimate exhibits, passiveness and aggressiveness, one for the other. But why would they be fearful of their daughter enough to exhibit these traits? Offspring would more likely exhibit these traits because they have a legitimate cause to be fearful of the parents and their takeaway rights such as here.</p></li>
<li><p>The parents aren’t educated enough to spell Berkeley correctly. Later on, they use the sports moniker for the school, Cal. OP hasn’t responded. Is this a legit post? </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Probaby lean towards 4, though we’ll see if she responds.</p>
<p>They for some reason think that they are helping you make the best decision. Maybe you should try to reason with them that if you go to UCLA with their support, while being happier about being there, you might end up as a more successful person than if you go to UC Berkeley bitterly. Let them know that if they don’t budge that you will go to Berkeley. But for them to consider the advantages of going to UCLA.</p>
Both are terrific schools and it is quite likely that she can find a modicum of happiness at either. Most undergraduates do not love their schools without hesitation; there is more ambivalence in their responses than you might think.</p>