<p>I understand that if one has a strong emotional connection to ones alma mater, it can be extremely disappointing if a child also wants to attend and isn’t accepted – as parents, we often find it very painful when our children don’t get what they have hoped for, even when they have worked hard and done everything “right” – it certainly stings. But once we take a step back (which might take a little while after the initial disappointment, I get that) for these ultra selective institutions, I just don’t see how we can take the decision not to admit an alum’s child – even a well qualified child – too personally. These super competitive schools could fill their classes 10 times over just with qualified children of alums – I suspect we would all agree that it wouldn’t be optimal for legacy to become essentially a prerequisite for admission! So, inevitably, admissions officers are going to have to deny thousands of very qualified children of alums every year, just as they deny very qualified and talented students who are not alums. If you are someone who contributes major, major amounts to a school, or is super involved in alumni affairs, then perhaps that is a little different – but I suspect that in those cases, the “legacy” status is weighted more heavily in the admissions process anyway than for those alums who are more peripheral to the ongoing life of the college.</p>
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<p>Our donations to H / my alma mater were never anything to write home about in the first place, totalling well below $1,000 in the 25 years since we graduated, but yes, they have increased since S was admitted, and I did also become active on an alumni committee this past fall. And no, I don’t think I would donate if he hadn’t gotten in. I wouldn’t take his rejection personally – I know how tough it is – but that doesn’t mean I would have to still keep giving.</p>
<p>I actually hated my college but felt obligated to give $100 each year. When my older daughter auditioned for their MT program and was rejected they even referenced it being my alma mater in her rejection letter. Needless to say, I no longer give any money. Her being rejected was absolutely fine as, in my husband’s words, “____ College isn’t at the bottom of my list, it’s not even on the list!” I agree, she would have been miserable there.</p>
<p>The interesting thing I found out from the Dean of my older daughter’s current school is that those smaller yearly donations are the lifeline for most colleges and it really does hurt when they lose them. This is the money they get with no requests on how to use it so it can go into “boring” but necessary areas in the school.</p>
<p>My highly qualified D was deferred and then rejected from my alma mater which was far and away her first choice. This is a kid with perfect test scores, double digit APs (all 5s), valedictorian, 4.0 unweighted, excellent ECs and recs. Since I am an active alum, I got a special explanation e-mail. The guy actually put in writing that D did not meet their diversity or science enrollment goals! She was absolutely devastated. I am no longer donating or interviewing or mentoring! Not out of anger, but because they broke her heart and are practicing reverse discrimination (please don’t attack me for that opinion, there are other threads for that!). I am happy to report that she is thriving at a peer institution that has a better department/placement record in her major. Nevertheless, I MISS my alma mater. Being a grad from there and being involved with the school was a big part of my life. I miss cheering for my old team and mentoring current students at my job. Her rejection was the institution’s loss and she is well. Now my $$ goes to the parent’s fund of the school that she attends!</p>
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Does that mean they didn’t admit any white kid that year and only enrolled science majors?</p>
<p>If this had happened with my daughter, we would have stopped donating. We’d donate to the school that took her instead. I’m loyal to my alma mater, but I’m a lot more loyal to my own kid.</p>
<p>I was going to say the school would have seen the last dime from us, but since my son is there, they will be seeing a lot more dimes.</p>
<p>oldfort - it means they have certain enrollment goals and those goals are reflected in difficulty of getting in. For an upper middle class white girl that wants to study history, for example, it is a different bar than for an URM boy that wants to study biology. She probably has to win a national award. The institution’s publicly stated goals (diversity and more science focus) worked against my D. In the big picture, I get why the goals are what they are. These goals do make it less/more difficult for certain applicants. It just stinks when one’s child is heartbroken despite doing everything they could have to gain admission.</p>
<p>momof2kids - I knew what you meant.
If my kid had applied to my alma mater and didn’t get in, I wouldn’t really feel as much one way or another because we haven’t been that active. It hurts more when you have been so involved and given so much.</p>
<p>momof2kids - sounds like a quota to me.</p>
<p>“if my child were qualified and rejected . . .”?</p>
<p>The logic here is based on a false assumption: if you are “qualified” you should get in.</p>
<p>What does “qualified” mean?</p>
<p>Example: Brown has a class of about 1600</p>
<p>There were 2.034 applicants with 800 on the SAT CR
There were 3,467 with a 750-799 on the SAT CR
There were 3,240 applicants with an 800 on the SAT Math
There were 4,726 with a 750-799 on the SAT Math
There were 1,883 Valedictorians</p>
<p>If your child had a 2250 with 750s on each section is “qualified?”</p>
<p>But I guess if you’re giving to a school as a quid pro quo any reason to stop will do . . .</p>
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Sounds like Yale has a quota to me, too!</p>
<p>This shall be my last post. I was trying to share my disappointment and a verbatim quite from the admissions guy in the interest of, perhaps, sharing some useful/interesting information. The thread is about ongoing donations to an alma mater that rejects a child. There are other threads for discussing the admissions decisions. </p>
<p>My donations and other involvement will stop. My D is happy and well elsewhere. I continue to miss my alma mater. My 25 years of involvement (monetary and personal, with the personal being the part I treasured and miss) had absolutely nothing to do with a quid pro quo. </p>
<p>Signing off.</p>
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I give to my college because I like it. If it rejected my kid, I wouldn’t like it so much.</p>
<p>One thing most older folks know is that THEY probably would not get into the same school today. I think not donating based on your own experiences at the school because your kid did not get accepted is stupid.</p>
<p>Hunt - quote of the day.</p>
<p>I certainly understand the emotion. I gave this a lot of thought when my first applied. I’d been very active in alumni fundraising and sat on numerous committees over the years. What if they rejected my DS who clearly had the stats? I’d worked at top prep schools where I saw dozens of similarly qualified legacies get rejected from my and similar colleges.</p>
<p>But my alma mater is Harvard and clearly that was a real possibility. He got in so I’ll never know really how I might have reacted had that not been the case. But intellectually it’s hard to think I would have held it against them. So many of my classmates have wonderfully talented kids. They could fill every class with talented legacies, but clearly they can’t and shouldn’t.</p>
<p>I would definitely stop donating and have done so. There are a lot of very worthwhile organizations to give to, including the colleges my children actually attended. Why would I support a college that rejected one of them? I no longer have much interest in promoting the reputation of the colleges and graduate schools I attended since I’m nearing the end of my career. I’d rather support the colleges my children attended and their future, or any number of other worthy causes and organizations.</p>
<p>Mom of 2 and Hunt, I so agree with both of you and everyone upstream who thought they would stop donating. I didn’t even go to Stanford but I too am very sad that I won’t be going to the football and women’s basketball games anymore. It was a fun family activity but H feels it would be disloyal to S to continue to attend. Hunt put it very, very well:
“I give to my college because I like it. If it rejected my kid, I wouldn’t like it so much.”</p>
<p>I also agree with Hunt. And I will go so far as to say that a very, very real concern of mine (which turned out to be unfounded, but how was I to know at the time) about having S apply to our school was … “If he applies, wears his heart on his sleeve and professes his love, and gets rejected, how are we (H/I) going to feel, and is that going to sour us permanently and possibly unfairly to a school that we’ve loved?” Which is why it really took some strong convincing from S that this was really his first choice and he could live with the high possibility of being rejected, before we “allowed” him to apply there. I had my heart in my throat the whole time dreading that very real possibility of a rejection that would sour us, too.</p>
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<p>Not only that, but in some cultures such as my family’s…having this quid pro quo notion is considered petty and even a sign one has attitudes similar to that held by corrupt politicians/businesspeople who expect privileges for themselves and their kids by virtue of their positions/wealth. </p>
<p>This was a reason why when South Korea made a 2001 proposal reserving 10% of their elite university admissions seats for families willing to donate $2 million US…no other requirements including taking the entrance exam required…there was such an outraged reaction that a South Korean online newspaper happily published a hastily written letter on why that was a bad idea which would encourage corrupt practices and an air of entitlement corrosive to higher educational institutions.</p>