<p>Yes, I stopped donating to Northwestern when my objectively well-qualified son was rejected in spite of a strong family connection to the university (they even mentioned, in his rejection letter that, “in light of your family’s strong connection to the university, this was an especially difficult decision for the admissions committee.”</p>
<p>I graduated from NU, my sister received her BA and MA from there, her husband received an MBA from NU, a first cousin (at the time of my son’s application) was a senior (now in med school elsewhere, so a good student), and another first cousin had been admitted but had ultimately elected to attend elsewhere. I didn’t exactly “expect” them to take my son, but there wasn’t any compelling reason NOT to take him, either… so, yes, I did feel the family admittance/graduation history made his already-strong application an even stronger one.</p>
<p>NU won’t miss my rather humble annual donations - and they will save some cash now that I’ve asked to have my name removed from their mailing/phone lists! I told them there will be no more contributions AT LEAST until my son has graduated and I have finished paying tuition at the equally prestigious college he now attends.</p>
<p>Cobrat - your example has nothing to do with anything, because donating is strictly voluntary and I can choose not to donate to my alma mater for any darn reason I want to, whether it’s because I don’t like the new president, I don’t think their football team is any good, I didn’t like my time there, I think they are spending too much / too little effort recruiting minorities, they rejected my kid, or I simply have other priorities for my charitable contributions this year. Just because I donated $X one year doesn’t mean that I am obligated to donate $X in any subsequent year. Your example has nothing to do with anything, since it’s about quid pro quo.</p>
<p>LJBNU84 (… I’ve sent a PM), the school I am referring to is NU, and I TOTALLY get you feel. I’d be “soured” too if my son hadn’t gotten in.</p>
<p>Are the attitudes on this subject are different among parents who are graduates of private schools (which are more likely to have legacy preferences) versus public schools (which are less likely to have legacy preferences)? In the latter case, there may not be any expectation of a legacy preference, and less of a “lottery” (from an outsider’s point of view) aspect in that acceptance or rejection decisions are more easily explainable by other factors (academic record and test scores in particular).</p>
<p>My older D was accepted to NYU and was very well qualified–in other words she was at the 75%ile + in terms of stats. She has had a wonderful experience there.</p>
<p>Younger D just applied. Although there are many strong points on her application, I could see how she was not a shoo in, especially since 50% of her application was based on talent. She is a strong english/verbal kid but not so much a math kid.</p>
<p>As it turned out, there was a happy ending and D was just accepted ED. However, had she not been accepted, I would have continued to contribute to the college on the basis of my older D’s experience, since there could have been justification based on stats alone not to admit younger D.</p>
<p>I think if second daughter was rejected with high stats like her sister I would have been angry, though.</p>
<p>I am absolutely confounded by WorldWorld’s case.</p>
<p>Sure, lots of highly qualified white suburban legacies don’t get in because there are so many just like them. But a forth generation URM? Stanford barely had any URMs four, and even three, generations ago. Strong, male URMs are hard to find, much less quality legacies. This is just shocking to me. I have never seen a qualified URM legacy turned down, not as an admissions officer and not as a college counselor. What am I missing here?</p>
<p>Exactly. I think feeling “obligated” to donate – for any reason – is even stupider. By the time my son was at the applying-to-college age, we as a family had already provided 8 years worth of full-pay undergraduate (H and me) and 2 years worth of full-pay graduate tuition (my employer for the b-school). Guess what? We didn’t owe NU a single dime of our donations. We still don’t. It’s a choice, and NU gets to line up with all of the other charitable places to compete for our donation money. Frankly, they’re among the richest institutions in the country, so I really don’t feel any obligation to do so. To suggest that it is “wrong” to “stop” donating for any reason is just goofy.</p>
<p>NU can provide an education that actually costs more than you paid–even at full pay–because it has the donations saved over the decades. So in a moral sense you do owe them a pay it forward for that at least if you are able to afford one.</p>
<p>One of the many reasons why I stopped donating to my grad school is because I realized they offer ZERO legacy preference unless the student applies binding early decision. I thought that was unfair. I also stopped donating to them because I thought they were wasting tens of millions of dollars on fluff.</p>
<p>I am much more connected to my undergrad university and would donate to them no matter what. They also are much much more cost-effective, so I feel my money is being put to good use. They admitted my legacy son and offered him some aid, so I am extra happy with them.</p>
<p>My reaction would vary depending upon my child’s relative qualifications. If my child was near the middle of the pack and was rejected, I would react with anger. However, if my child was below the average of a highly competitive college, it would be unfair for the college to give them TOO much of an advantage.</p>
<p>Many colleges try to sooth the feelings of alums by giving them a phone call and explaining the decision. Many colleges also have huge waiting lists - and put many legacies on that waiting list even if they have almost no chance of being accepted. The parent can then tell their friends that their kid “almost got in.”</p>
<p>Studies show that many people DO stop donating after their child is rejected.</p>
<p>I don’t agree with your premise that I have any moral obligation to donate to NU (or whatever school we’re talking about). NU offered me a service – an education that at the time cost $x / year. I (or more accurately, my parents) paid the sticker price for that service. Exchange made satisfactorily on both ends. I don’t agree that I have any more moral obligation to donate to NU than any other place I might consider giving a charitable donation to. </p>
<p>And indeed, if the education costs more than I paid - let’s posit, for the sake of argument, that I paid $50K / year for an education that cost the university $70K to provide. Does that mean that the student next to me who was on financial aid and maybe only paid the university (say) $25K / year for that $70K education has MORE of a moral obligation to donate than I do? IOW, are scholarship / FA recipients MORE morally obligated to donate than full-pay students?</p>
<p>pizzagirl - I personally believe scholarship recipients have some level of responsibility to pay back, may not be dollar to dollar but the term gratitude comes to mind.</p>
<p>Waverly, to clarify, the URM only goes back two generations (Grandpa married a Hispanic woman who was also attending Stanford where they met, then they moved back to her country a few years later). Her family has Stanford ties going back three generations from S, Grandpa’s goes back four generations. H was raised in Central America, native Spanish speaker, feels fully Hispanic. S not so much but we decided he was enough so, he considers himself bi-cultural, identified as Hispanic and white. I think S’s biggest weakness was less than stellar ECs and volunteer work, they were OK but nothing fantastic. He was in the hunt, but given the admit rate, I was not particularly surprised (even though S and H were!).</p>
<p>My husband and I are still working on paying back the full financial aid we received. We are getting close! Really though…it’s paying it forward.</p>
<p>And they just admitted S2 too! We are currently thrilled with our alma mater.</p>
<p>I received generous fin aid and that was part of the reason i feel very happy to donate as much as I can afford so that others may follow–even if they are not related to me. PG’s cold analysis is lacking in one major detail–gratitude to what others sacrificed to build.</p>