<p>Not sure if my sib who was a Stanford alum will ever give them a dime again when they rejected his S, who was the HS val. He will be graduating from another great U & has interviews for med school but they’re still very disappointed in Stanford. Nephew was extremely qualified.</p>
<p>Have not donated to any of the Us I attended, nor to kids’ U–still paying tuition.</p>
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<p>Not referring to PG, but some people may feel that the education they received at their alma mater or its reputation did not prepare/serve them well, once in the real world. Or they may dislike some of the current policies that were not in effect when they attended. Are they still under an obligation to donate, barrons?</p>
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<p>With schools like Stanford, “extremely qualified” merely gets the applicant into the “not automatically rejected immediately” pile, of which there are far more applicants than admissions offers. Students and parents need to be realistic about the (low and not very predictable) chances of admission, even with high qualifications and hooks like legacy, URM, etc…</p>
<p>I agree that parents need to be realistic about admissions likelihood. But colleges also need to be realistic about the likelihood of receiving continued donations from the parents of rejected applicants. They don’t seem to be too concerned about it, because they reject an awful lot of legacies at top schools.</p>
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<p>Obviously, some schools are concerned in that they do have some legacy preference (or “developmental admits” in the more extreme cases). However, they don’t want to use up their entire class on legacies.</p>
<p>Of course, the opacity of the holistic admissions processes at the most selective schools may make people think that legacy preference is larger than it actually is, which may amplify both the unrealistic expectations of admission on the legacy applicants and parents and the complaints about the unfairness of legacy preference.</p>
<p>It’s not “cold” - I think it’s wonderful when people donate, endow scholarships and so forth … I just don’t think it’s a moral imperative.</p>
<p>Bay, that is another issue and no. But given that 90%+ of grads at most good schools would do it again (NSSE data) , I think it’s a minor issue and not applicable to most.</p>
<p>“Who could afford to donate anything the year the kids goes off to college?” - I imagine there are limited contributions from alumni with children in college. </p>
<p>(I had planned to stop ours for a few years. Eventually we did a small contribution since DH and I went to same college and received excellent scholarship/FA… plus there is corporate matching that I fear will disappear as budgets get cut.) </p>
<p>Regarding the topic of thread… it’s hard to say how we’d react. (In our case it would have been a question of how much merit $, not acceptance.) It is interesting that there is a CC thread lamenting lack of legacy-priority at a lottery school… usually we read opposite complaint.</p>
<p>Bay raises an interesting point about donations–I don’t donate to my UG because I resented how they handled a specific situation–merit money. They recruited very heavily with automatic free tuition and more for all NMFs (myself included) regardless of need. They clearly did this to build their reputation and there is nothing wrong with that–about 1/2 of my class received this scholarship. Unfortunately, it had a pretty high ongoing college GPA requirement. Then, the school pressured professors to grade on a curve and not give too many As or even Bs. It was mathematically impossible for all the scholarship recipients to maintain that GPA and by junior year more than half of that half were full-pay or had dropped out because they could not afford it. The school did not offer any need-based aid to these students, either. I kept mine, but I feel a lot of my peers were suckered–the school got to brag about their high-stats kids without paying all of them for the privilege. I know we should have read the fine print, but optimistic and bright high school seniors usually think getting a 3.375 average won’t be that tough.</p>
<p>S1 was never interested in my alma mater but S2 applied and was rejected. Within a week of his rejection I got a form letter co-signed by the university president and the the president of the alumni association commiserating over my “undoubted” disappointment and asking for my understanding given the overwhelming number of qualified applicants. They also both hoped I would continue my support as a member of the WhatsamattaU family. Family?</p>
<p>Every plea for money, every entreaty for cash has always come with some sort of heartwarming letter talking about the WhatsamattaU family and how the support of previous generations have been pivotal in making WU what it is today. Won’t I continue that tradition? </p>
<p>The pitch has always been that “we’re family”. That we are part of the “special sauce” that makes the place great. Over the years I’ve seen celebrity kids admitted and the children of very wealthy parents get in (usually with groundbreaking on a new building following soon after). Yet when it came time for my (statistically qualified) member of the family to have a chance at the special sauce the answer was no thanks. OK, he’s not famous and my donations wouldn’t buy coffee for the Druid Pottery faculty, but the sales pitch was always “we’re in it together”, obviously meaning “our school” and “your checkbook”.</p>
<p>Folks it’s a business transaction. You pay tuition for the opportunity at an education. If you want to donate after graduating, go ahead but the same way donating to the Red Cross won’t put you further ahead in line when you need a transfusion, don’t expect the old school to step up and take your kid.</p>
<p>I now use a trick I picked up on this board. Whenever I get a donation request I photocopy S2’s rejection letter and I make a few changes to the first paragraph; instead of:</p>
<p>While you have a strong portfolio, due to the overwhelming number of highly qualified applicants pursuing a limited number of spaces, we are unable to offer you admission to Whatsamatta U. </p>
<p>With a few pen strokes I change it to…</p>
<p>While you have a strong portfolio, due to the overwhelming number of highly qualified charities pursuing my limited number of dollars, I am unable to offer any money to Whatsamatta U.</p>
<p>Petty? For sure, but certainly worth the 44 cent stamp.</p>
<p>I think Hunt’s post #53 nails it. Most of us donate to get a warm feeling. If it no longer makes you feel good to do so (and rejecting my well qualified child would do that for me), there are plenty of other needy institutions, charities or causes where the funds could be re-allocated.</p>
<p>Cross post edit: vinceh, I probably wouldn’t bother, but I admire your reply!</p>
<p>Nothing wrong with petty…I do the same for my daughters catholic middle school. They had the worst teacher, and everytime they ask for money, i say I will when they fire her.</p>
<p>As for college, with limited resources, we would donate to current college. But more likely to an animal rescue group.</p>
<p>I’d consider donating to schools that decline DS. Some of them declined him for grad school too. - But, They just don’t ask me. :evileye:</p>
<p>Well I know what would happen in my family – when the college my wife and I both attended and loved rejected our second child (out of two, and having previously rejected the first), that was that, and we haven’t donated since. Our limited donation capacity while the kids were in college went to the college that THEY attended and THEY loved, and honestly I love it a lot, too, because of how happy I was with their experience there.</p>
<p>My kids were perfectly well qualified, #2 maybe more than #1, but I was hardly under the illusion that they were guaranteed a place. I don’t feel betrayed. I just feel that they can go get money from someone else, now.</p>
<p>I still have warm feelings about my alma mater, just not as warm as they used to be. I’ll probably start giving again someday. (I’m not certain my wife would say the same thing. She was a lot angrier than I. She is also the check-writer.)</p>
<p>“To suggest that it is “wrong” to “stop” donating for any reason is just goofy.”</p>
<p>Analogy here: you can be friends with whomever you want to be. But cutting someone off from a friendship for a lousy reason is . . . well . . . lousy.</p>
<p>It’s OK for the OP to stop giving for whatever reason she wants . . . but doing it because she wants to give money elsewhere is different than deciding to stop giving because one felt that the school owed one a kid’s acceptance . . . which is in turn different than being so disappointed that one stops.</p>
<p>The fact of stopping is one thing . . . the rationale is another.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I’ll ever have to worry about it. Both DDs attended private LACs. Only the 10 year old is left and he may not want to attend a service academy (not to mention the whole issue of getting a nomination). I’ll worry about it later.</p>
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<p>I think it’s the same thing, though. I only have $X to give in charitable donations over the course of the year. At any moment, I may decide my $X is worth far more to some other institution than it is to a (likely already well-endowed) college. I have to be honest, even though I bleed NU purple, it still is not a major recipient of my charitable donations. That doesn’t reflect ANY dissatisfaction with the school or our collective experiences there – it just reflects the fact that if I decide to throw a whopping $100 at something every now and then, I could do a lot more good for other charitable organizations than I can a well-endowed college that’s already getting $50K/year from me.</p>
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Who’s saying that their kid was “owed” an acceptance? They’re just saying that their kid appeared to have qualifications similar to others who were accepted, and their kid was rejected. They’re supposed to say, “oh well” and keep on writing the checks? I wouldn’t, especially after the school makes a point of saying that they give an advantage to legacies.</p>
<p>No doubt I would be very angry after donating consistently for years too. On the bright side, you should be proud that the ad com at your school couldn’t be bought with your tax deductible gift.</p>
<p>Of course adcom could be bought, just yours wasn’t sufficient.</p>