<p>I want to transfer, or atleast apply, plain and simple. I'm at a top-20 ranked engineering school (top 70 overall), and have decided I want a broader education than I'm getting here. I plan to apply to 2 schools, because I know I would be happy there, but I would still be happy here if i stayed: 1) a school that is ranked top 40 overall, top 10 engineering 2) top 25 school overall, top 30 in engineering, but its only one ranking spot behind my current school in my major</p>
<p>now, how do i tell my parents that i REALLY want to atleast apply? Because theres catches to one school i want to apply to: its actually about 1.5 hours closer to home, and although that wont change how much i do/dont come home, they might think so...also, my boyfriend and i broke up recently, and he goes there, so they might think hes a reason, which he isnt because theres no way we'll ever be together again</p>
<p>however, both are MUCH better schools, and I feel I atleast deserve to apply...but they might say "transferring is too difficult" or "you dont have the grades" or "its stupid to want to transfer" or "give it another year"...transferring wont be a huge deal, since they're both instate, i have friends at the school, and im pretty good at making friends...also, although my grades arn't perfect, they're good for the program im trying to apply to...and i dont think its stupid if im going to a better school...and i dont want to give it another year, im already giving it another semester, and i'd rather be happy in college and deal with the what-ifs, rather than be unhappy for another year</p>
<p>Are you over 18? If so, apply and when you have options you can discuss them with your parents. They may be more receptive if they see you've taken the initiative.</p>
<p>Hey, dad.
My U sucks in the following particulars :1,2,3.
I have attempted to address said suckiness as follows :1,2,3
New U is superior in the following specifics: 1,2,3.
I will not lose any hours.
It will not cost you any more money.
I will do everything necessary to apply for transfer and you will not have to lift a finger. </p>
<p>mominva - I thought of that idea..but that will be Plan C (Plan B is tell them that they're being morons and anyone would agree with me that applying to a top 25 school isnt a dumb move...its Plan B because this will include a raised voice and i don't want to yell or fight about my college education, I have grades to support the fighting in the house...jk, my grades are fine, but still)...i've gone through periods in my life where ive lied to my parents, and i don't want to do that, i want them to be supportive and helpful because the process will be difficult at times (filling out instate priv. forms, lining up recs, going to my local HS incase transcripts fall through)...my parents will fight for the best for me when they can, and I want to use and abuse that
also, ive taken the initiative to look into the schools, and have decided to apply...</p>
<p>on a side note, senior year i decided that i wanted to quit band...i loved playing my instrament, but i hated the lack of being able to do anything else (i loveeeddd track), the band director was a jerk, i felt my grades were being impacted from the time, and i wanted to move on and experience other things during my last year of high school...they came down on me like a ton of bricks, telling me i was being stupid and i made a commitment and i should stick with it and i wont do anything else with my life, blahblah...well, in the end i took compsci instead of band, loved it, got so much better grades (4.2 with 5 APs...and i am not a 4.0 student haha graduated with 3.6) hung out with a ton of friends, went to basketball games, excelled in track, and was a much happier person overall...my mom and i always joke that even though the move seemed dumb at the time, it actually improved my life so much...im thinking i should pull the whole "see, i didnt screw up that time, so you need to trust me that i know what i want out of life" argument</p>
<p>This may just be me -- but I'd prefer to hear about it after my kid had already applied to transfer. The reason is that if I get a call about "wanting to transfer" I would start to fret about whether my kid was happy or doing well; and then I would agonize over all the pros and cons of transferring. So if I only heard after the applications were all done.... well, then that eliminates a big chunk of the worrying. </p>
<p>I am not sure that I would want my kid to wait until May to tell me -- that's too big of a suprise -- but I think I would prefer if my kid mentioned it in passing along the way, without saying anything that would make me think that there were big problems in the kid's life. Just.... "I'm thinking about transferring to a different school." If you are thinking of changing majors as well, then if your parents ask why, you can mention the changed focus. But if the parents seem to get anxious, you just say --- "no big deal -- I'm just exploring options right now -- I'm interested in X program at X school, but I'm not going to make any decisions until later." </p>
<p>I also feel that when my kids arrange something on their own, without my help, I am less emotionally involved and tend to be more accepting. This is assuming that your decision will not impact your parents negatively financially -- if you will be giving up a full-tuition scholarship at school A to attend school B, and then asking the parents to foot the bill.... well, that's another matter entirely.</p>
<p>If my D wanted to transfer, I would expect her to reflect with me on the reasons and would try to be a good sounding board, making sure she was considering the pros & cons adequately.</p>
<p>I would expect her to do all the "work" herself (apps & recs & essays, etc.) I already helped with the first round of apps, so if she did not like her first choice she could do the work to change it.</p>
<p>If the net cost is no different, than it would be her choice. If it cost more then we would need ot discuss who pays for what.</p>
<p>the cost i think is about $800 more, but there both still state schools...also, i want to let them know BEFORE i start applying so they can help me with the technical stuff (tax data for instate priv, their backgrounds, ect) and so that they know whats going on in my life...im not looking for them to arrange recs, they never read my essays the first time, and i dont want them constantly "have you done this and this?"...i just want them to be involved in my life decisions since i am their child and they're footing both the college bill and the app. bill</p>
<p>shoe: I think sharing your thoughts and wish to transfer with your parents is an excellent idea and they ought to be most pleased you want to include them. if they react in a way other than you wish, remember, this is probably the first time they have heard everything you are sharing whereas it has been in your thoughts constantly. They may need time to process the need for change. I hope they are supportive of you :) Show them how you have thought it through and that should be the important point they hear!</p>
<p>I would get the applications and do everything that could possibly be done, and then share your thoughts with your parents. I know my kids have talked transfer, but it always went in one ear and out the other. They never did anything about it, and I never wasted a thought about it. I told them when I helped them with their college apps, that this was it for them. The next time they applied for anything, I wanted it ALL done except for where info I had was essential (financial stuff). I was not going to play secretary, researcher, gopher for any transfers. But if any of them want it badly enough to gather the info, fill out the app, take care of the transcripts and test scores and recs that are needed, I would support the decision and fill out any financial aid/ parent info that was necessary.</p>
<p>yeah, im doing the app over winter break, but ive actually started my essays (i was up one night at 4:30am, listening to Pink Floyd and the Who, and just started writing..infact, im leaving my current university because i hate the fact i cant write much, and i LOVE writing)...but i intend on doing the grunt work, i just need FAFSA and tax-ish stuff from my mom...i did all of the apps senior year on my own, except FAFSA stuff, and my parents know i'll take care of it if i want it</p>
<p>on a side note, im writing one of my essays on my dad...he and i dont get along the best all the time, not because we hate each other, but because we're two VERY stubborn, smart, and conclusive people...the essay is "if you could have dinner with three people, dead/alive, fictional/real, who would they be?" and i chose him because although we butt heads on stuff (and its usually dumb stuff, like quitting band or not), we can hold serious, intellectual conversations, we both share a passion for music (you think i like PF and the Who on my own? i grew up listening to it with my dad), we both share a passion for fly fishing (he dragged me kicking and screaming to a fly fishing show at age 9...hooked since), but he and i respect each other in the very end....should i show him this after i apply (it might persued him a bit more), or wait and see if i get in and show him?</p>
<p>Sounds like my relationship with my dad :). I think it doesn't matter so much when you show him. Just make sure it isn't after he's told you you can't apply, or after an argument, or any case where he might think you are trying to sweet talk him, haha. OK, maybe it /would/ be best to show him after you apply to avoid all that...I wrote a similar essay about my dad, and he saw it on the counter with my other application materials and he looked really touched. It was actually amazing, because he's always very serious and cold. I thought I saw a tear come to his eye ;). </p>
<p>Just make sure you show him...parents really do love that kind of stuff when it's sincere.</p>
<p>yeah my dad is one of those "my kids hate me" when he gets mad or sad about something...i think thats one of my biggest frustrations with my parents, because my dad and mom sometimes think that us kids (3 of us) are doing something JUST to pick at them, when in reality, we're just kids doing stupid stuff...my mom and i have grown closer over the last year or so because i think she knows that im driven and will accomplish things in life, and besides, we go shopping a lot now and its a sure way to break the ice =P...but my dad had a rough childhood, his relationship with his dad sucked, and his mom is 80 and they barely speak, so i think that doesnt help...he's so proud of me though, i know, because im studying engineering (he's one too), he never graduated college, and im finally doing it...i just wish i could make it clear, that although we sometimes "hate" each other, i love him as a father because not only is he proud of me, but a lot of my accomplishments in life are due to his support, pressure, and knowledge thats he's passed on to me</p>
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i just wish i could make it clear, that although we sometimes "hate" each other, i love him as a father because not only is he proud of me, but a lot of my accomplishments in life are due to his support, pressure, and knowledge thats he's passed on to me
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</p>
<p>This is pretty clear. :) Why don't you just show him or tell him what you wrote? If I received such thoughts in notes from my kids, I would treasure the notes for the rest of my life.</p>
<p>As to the transfer:</p>
<p>It sounds like you are expecting a negative reaction from your parents. If this is the case, plan in advance how you will respond to that.</p>
<p>haha curl up into a ball and die? nah, just kidding...actually, i think my mom will understand...my dad will just want whats best for me...they both have a lot of pre-concieved notions about stuff, so my best guess is tranferring is one of them...my rebuttle will be simply "its a smart move, and i can ALWAYS turn it down in may, i just cant apply in may"...its funny, i sort of mentioned to my mom over parent weekend (about 4 weeks ago) that i wish i had applied to tougher schools because i basically didnt believe in myself and though i was gonna get rejected from everywhere, and her comment was "we tried to tell you"...so, im using their telling, just a bit later =P</p>
<p>and i think i will show him...just not right now...i want to get accepted first</p>
<p>Wow, your mom said "we tried to tell you."?!</p>
<p>That appears to give you a fabulous opening.</p>
<p>"Mom, you know how you tried to tell me to apply to better schools? Well, you were right. I am fine here, but I really think that I would be happier at _______ or _______, and so I am going to apply as a transfer student to both of those schools."</p>
<p>A sincere "You were right." has to rank as one of the higher ranking statements to a parent's ears. It shows your good judgement if you say that! :) j/k, but only about the second sentence, not the first.</p>
<p>well, you know parents, always think you're the brightest star in the sky =P i think the thing about that is they'll just be like "well your school is still great!" (dads boss has two masters from here)</p>
<p>great advice ADad, thanks a ton!!</p>
<p>now, another question...my moms comin to pick me up next week for break...should i talk to her first, and let her come onto my side so we can approach my dad together? we'll have almost all day together, as the car ride is 3.5-4 hours, but we're stopping at a winery on the way home (oh yeah, i know what you're thinking..."get her drunk and get her to agree!" haha no way)</p>
<p>Your reply: "Yes, my school is great, but I'll still be happier at ________."</p>
<p>Good rule for life: avoid badmouthing what you want to leave, just stress why what you are going to do next is better. With your parents, if you attack your school, they may feel attacked as well and may get defensive.</p>
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<p>Well, I might feel a little left out if my D and my W showed up from a four hour trip and announced some major change in my D's life. Would you be able to reach him by cell phone during the ride? "Dad, I've been talking with Mom about transferring to _____, and I'd like to explain my thinking to you and hear your thoughts as well. Could we talk about it when I get home?"</p>
<p>(if you propose talking later, the call gives him a chance to think about the idea before you get home, and to get past any possibly rash or instinctive negative reaction, too).</p>