<p>Although my kids generally roll their eyes when we do our "back in OUR day...." speeches, we've had some very interesting and frank discussions lately with our kids regarding college drinking, drugs, and sex. How much (or how little) have you shared with your kids about your wilder days?</p>
<p>Just about all of it....my D knows most of my college friends...she even bumped into my college boyfriend last year...and boy have they told her stories. To tell you the truth, she wasn't surprised at any of it, only that their wild stories involved me (obviously, I act a lot different now!)</p>
<p>What I've told her is, any time I felt uncomfortable, like I wasn't ready for something (which was most of freshman year), I made sure I didn't put myself in that position again. This included several situations involving drugs and upperclassmen, which I did tell her about. I told her if there's a little voice in her head telling her not to do it, listen to the voice; it's trying to tell you something. </p>
<p>I also told her that once she gets to college, definately DO NOT GO ANYWHERE BY HERSELF. My entire 4 years at college, I never went to a party without a buddy, even senior year.</p>
<p>heh, heh. Not much, on my end. I generally have tried to avoid too many details about my personal escapades that I may not be too proud of in retrospect. Some of them involved young men that are not their dad. I don't really feel comfortable sharing a lot of intimate personal stuff of that nature with my kids. I think they would not only roll their eyes, but go "ewww!"</p>
<p>We do share a lot about the early days with each other, though. We were married in college and had fun graduate college experiences together-some wild and crazy, but we leave out the x-rated stuff.
Just the fact that we married so young freaks them out. This winter break my son and his dad were talking about our early married life. My son said, " you guys were not much older than I am when you got married. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!" That made me feel good. The kid has better sense than we did!</p>
<p>We've used experiences that we've had as a family to instill safety precautions and to encourage them to listen to their feelings. Hopefully, that has helped. You can never tell them too many times to be careful, though.</p>
<p>Some information. Enough to provide cautionary tales. Low on detail though.</p>
<p>Mardad, I found when I supplied the generalities, they made up the details.
They know I went to Woodstock (I told them) so they insist I went skinnydipping there (I didn't).</p>
<p>Um. I don't think so...</p>
<p>Nobody ever believes me.</p>
<p>I was an RA for two years. My residents had far more interesting lives than I did! I've told them enough that they will never kiss a girl without her sober, signed, notarized consent. I saw too many young women wind up in crummy situations out of naivete or the influence of alcohol.</p>
<p>I did tell them about how my boyfriend in college wound up getting his car stuck in a mud flat when we were parking ;) and how I sprayed his tuxedo with mud while gunning the engine to get the car out. This was right after he had a major part in a concert with the local symphony, hence the tux. Did I mention he'd had a pint of vodka straight? I had NO CLUE he was drunk. I was 19 and utterly, utterly naive. (The drinking age was 18 for those who are keeping track.) Took his parents six months and three trips to the mechanic before they figured out why the car wouldn't stay in alignment -- dried mud clods inside the hubcaps. ;)</p>
<p>I would be happy to share my experiences with my sons, but they have never shown much interest in my life, which they seem to regard as ancient history. Probably people on CC know more about my college experiences than my sons do because of their own lack of interest.</p>
<p>As younger S recently was filling out a college app, he couldn't remember whether I went to Harvard for grad school or undergrad, and he couldn't remember the name of the university where I got my doctorate. He also didn't remember what his dads graduate degrees are in and what those degrees are.</p>
<p>That same S would be able to do a thorough job of describing my current interests, and he does a wonderful job of selecting presents for me, but I guess he lives so much in the now that my H and my college and graduate experiences simply don't register on S.</p>
<p>Drinking, sex, drugs? I'm not telling anything. And I didn't inhale anyway.</p>
<p>My mom has told me all the things my dad did in college. Don't know too much about her college life, though. ;)</p>
<p>I didn't do anything wild. :(</p>
<p>No drugs. Very little drinking. One steady boyfriend. </p>
<p>I was an old fart even then.</p>
<p>We tend to roll our eyes and say...of course WE never did any of those things. Son can draw his own conclusions. I'm sure we'll have some cautionary talks though, before he sets sail.</p>
<p>Like Marian, no drugs, one boyfriend, and little drinking; therefore, easy to be honest. There was one party with PGA punch that I wish I had not sampled. I have tried to emphasize the importance of not drinking punch to D because of the unknown factor. I think D felt it was just another one of my sermonettes, but while discussing this in front of S who is 3 years older and was a well experienced college student at the time, he chimed in on the importance of avoiding the punch experience. Funny how the same thing coming from the mouth of a sibling has exponentially more value than what a parent says at a certain point in their life!<br>
What I think is so different is how we know so much more about their lives because of the internet/cell phone connections we have. I talked to my mother once a week generally. She knew little of what was going on with me, only what could be squeezed into a 5 minute conversation.</p>
<p>I warned my kids about the punch, too. They called it "hunch punch" at my school.</p>
<p>Pretty much none. I don't remember much anyway.</p>
<p>edit edit... I guess I have told them that my sr year I lived in a house with 5 women (and 2 dogs) but that's about all.</p>
<p>D has heard many stories from me. Mainly they were about irreverent revolts against authority. (The days of college pranks.) I also warned her about the punch and never to take a drink she didn't pour and open herself, etc. D would just roll her eyes and be aghast at some of our antics. She is such a straight arrow that she has taken a security job to work the parties.</p>
<p>NSM, a few months back I went to dinner at an academic's house. Mid-way through the dinner, one of their children came in to say hello. We asked her about her summer and she started to tell us about the cool summer class she was taking with a <em>shivers</em> very cool boy who was going to go to Very Prestige U in the fall. Her parents then mentioned: "We went to Very Prestige U, we did our graduate work there."</p>
<p>The look of shock on their duaghter's face was priceless. "YOU went to Very Prestige U?!!#!" Cleary she thought her important academic parents were a couple of dweebs. Very funny.</p>
<p>I was not a conventionally successful student until the last years of university, so I often regale the boys on methods of overcoming one's own tippy boat, heh heh. I also wasn't a big alcohol/drug hound--my brothers were--so I can share my stories fairly honestly. Three of my brothers had distastrous early love affairs which negatively impacted their adult lives. My family provides excellent "What Not To Do" illustrations.</p>
<p>I am selective about what I share! My D had lunch with me & my college friend a year or so ago ... friend told a couple stories that made D laugh ... but I try not to let my kids know that I was a bit on the wild side once upon a time. They wouldn't suspect their dork mom, so why burst their bubble? I do try to weave in some cautionary tales from experience, but mostly I share the many stories of great fun & friendships that are family friendly!</p>
<p>I have been fairly honest with my kids about my youth. They know I drank a fair amount, did drugs sometimes, and was not always a paragon of sexual virtue. They also know that I decided the drinking was a bad idea, and that I came to feel quickly that I was not only hurting myself some, but also contributing to a culture that hurt some people I cared about a lot. And they know that I sometimes hurt people emotionally because I was immature, and that I felt bad about that.</p>
<p>My wife has been a lot less forthcoming, generally (and generally has less to be forthcoming about). However, a recent discovery of a cache of her letters that her mother had saved, including letters she had received from friends, left no doubt that some of her high school friends assumed that she would be familiar with being excessively "baked". (We have also talked a lot with them about why not to use drugs even if they don't ruin your life.)</p>
<p>My daughter was always hyper aware of where we had gone to college and grad school (Very Prestigious Universities all). My son is certainly aware now that he is a senior, but when he was in 8th grade (before his sister's campaign really kicked off), he was looking at the list of colleges that year's seniors were going to attend, and read: "Harvard . . . Yale . . . Dad, do we know anyone who went to colleges like that?" "Uh, Son, do you remember going to my college reunion with me . . . ?"</p>