Parents: Your College Journey vs. Kids

Parents Forum Parent Cafe
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I’m not sure my kids are more risk averse – especially ShawSon. My kids were both on the other coast, but ShawD has moved back. It wasn’t unfamiliar territory – ShawSon did his graduate work at the same west coast school where I had done some of my grad school.

ShawSon started his first company as a senior in college and his second while in grad school. I became an entrepreneur after a post-doc, 6 years as a professor and 6 years on Wall Street. So, he took risk earlier.

But, both kids say that they would like to raise their kids in the exurb where they grew up. ShawD moved back in part to be near us/friends and to raise kids here – though she will have to find a mate first. ShawSon has mused about coming back for the first few years of his kids’ childhood (again, none exist yet). But, ShawSon’s social/professional network is Bay Area tech and VC and MBAs. Our DIL has worked for Bay area tech companies for most of her career. I don’t know whether they could easily leave.

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I wouldn’t say my kids are less risk adverse, but they grew up in an area with lots of opportunities and lots of stuff to do and lots of high paying jobs. That said, they both went away for college, but they wouldn’t hesitate to move back after college. They are also much more well travelled then I was at the same age. I wouldn’t say I was more or less risk adverse then them…I think it can depend on circumstance!

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I think one big difference is that at their age, I had nothing to lose! I was just a poor urban kid, and my friends were mostly dropouts, musicians and artists. My kids are growing up in a totally different situation, with more education and advantages than I had, and higher expectations for themselves. My son is comparing himself to friends who have now been admitted to a variety of top schools. I can understand why he would worry more about making the perfect decision for his next step in life and not missing out on any opportunities… but it’s still interesting to see how cautiously he approaches things, compared to how spontaneous the process was for me.

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124

It was pretty different here, since both my wife and I did our undergraduates in Israel, where it worked like most of Europe - you submitted your matriculation exam results and your psychometric test results, and waited. My wife had her high school test results from the USSR (which has just come apart), and those were accepted instead of matriculation exam results.

I applied to college after finishing my 3 years military service, and my wife had just immigrated, on her own, from the USSR (her family came separately, 5 months later). So it’s safe to say that college applications stress was seen from a very different perspective than a kid who is still a high school senior. Moreover, based on our applications, there was little chance that we wouldn’t get into the programs to which we applied, so we applied to two universities each (there were only 6, in any case).

My wife and I (mostly I) learned the college application system in the USA alongside our kid. Because we only started learning the process relatively late, and because our kid’s high school (and the community) have eschewed the attitudes that are almost ubiquitous among people of the same SES, both our kid and we were blissfully unaware that we should all be stressing out about admissions to the very lowest acceptance colleges from the time our kid was in middle school (or earlier).

Moreover, our kid was far more involved in social activism than in college admissions, so we really did not even think about colleges until she was in her second semester as a junior (except a visit or two). Since the state flagship was excellent and a safety (and extremely affordable, since my wife worked for the same system), we weren’t worried about whether our kid would be able to attend a “good university”.

So her college admissions journey, at least until her senior year, was pretty typical for most USA students, though not for kids of her SES, or what seems to be the case when seen through the lens of CC.

Her journey as senior year began was not the typical college admissions journey in the USA either. But that is a different story for a different time.

Interestingly, both my wife and I did engage in ECs in high school. However this did not go on college applications in either country, and the concept of ECs as something that is done “for college” was entirely foreign for both of us. So we did make sure that our kid participated in extracurricular activities, but they were based on what interested her and enriched her education (or life).

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Graduated from an 800 person HS in Pennsylvania in 1991. Most college-bound students ended up at an in-state school, with a few at LACs in the Northeast and maybe one to an Ivy. Was pretty sure I wanted to get out of the state, and head south. Scored 1430 on the SAT and was in the top 5% of the class. Unlike many at the time, I applied to 11 schools (and typed each application on a typewriter). UPenn, Dickinson, Gettysburg, UVA, Virginia Tech, William & Mary, Wake Forest, Duke, George Washington (NM scholarship), UNC, US Naval Academy (withdrew my application the day after we invaded Iraq…).

Toured most of the schools on a long Spring Break trip down South (last visit was Washington & Lee and was so tired of touring that I barely got out of the car - big regret, as I think that may have been a great fit). Visited Wake Forest as an Elementary-aged kid because my dad was golf-obsessed and wanted to see when Arnold Palmer went to school.

My absolute top choice was UVA. Applied ED and was deferred, then waitlisted. Accepted at Dickinson, Gettysburg, Virginia Tech, GW, Wake Forest. Chose Wake and had an amazing 4 years there - met my spouse. Fast forward a few years and finally got to go to UVA for MBA school.

D19 only applied to 3 schools, including ED at my alma mater (after insisting she had no interest in going where mom and dad went :joy:) She got in and withdrew her other applications. D21 applied to 4 schools, chose a small LAC in South Carolina but ended up transferring to a much larger school in TX after Freshman year. D24 is a junior in HS and is focused on LACs where she can play one or both of her sports. Has narrowed her list to a small handful.

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I never even picked my college or filled out an application! This was 1972 and I graduated early from High School as a Junior and was away in Granada, Spain for one year at the Universidad de Granada at age 17. In those days you had to go to the Spain Telephone Company and fill out a form and sit in a booth trying to make a collect phone call back home. So minimal communication back to parents except snail mail letters.

All I remember is my mother told me that she selected Univ of Calif San Diego and I was going there next year. I did not fill out an application, never visited and have no idea how I got accepted. I am assuming that my mother filled out the application and did the whole thing without my involvement. I do remember taking the SAT test at my Mom’s insistence, so I must have taken it Spring Junior Year.

The amazing part was she must have embellished a lot because I started with a full year of University credits for the courses in Granada. That didn’t help because my major was not going to be Spanish Language so I spent 4 years getting my degree.

In comparison, my D and I worked for a whole year preparing lists of colleges, essays, etc. Applied to 7 and visited five in person (including a frozen tundra visit to Bozeman, Montana in February which was very difficult for us from San Diego without proper clothes or knowledge of how to drive in snow/ice). She was rejected from her favorite and had to ‘settle’ for one of the others. It all worked out in the end because she worked hard and transferred to her favorite in 2 years.

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Presumably, the transcript from Granada was sent to UCSD, which then gave transfer credit for the courses completed.

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I filled mine out by hand, using colored pencils to make it more interesting!
I also remember that each application had a box where you were supposed to attach a photo of yourself, and I didn’t want to do that, so I substituted face cards from a deck I had of antique playing cards.

I do kind of miss the physicality of the paper application process, I had fun with it.

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129

Early 90s high school grad. My single mother was too busy working two jobs to care about my college search. Sometime during my senior year, she told me there was no college fund and I was on my own to figure out finances. I applied to in state colleges and went to the one that gave me a full ride.

By contrast, I am way more invested in my children’s educational journey. The clueless FGLI kid is now a highly educated professional who is engaged and knowledgeable about the college admissions process. I’ve taken them on college tours, they’re poised interviewees who know how to be interesting in person and on paper and, perhaps most importantly, they have the luxury of choosing a college based on fit not finances.

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Graduated HS mid 1970’s, on a limited budget so I attended the local cc for 2 years and then transferred. I visited several schools (all instate - public and private) but all of my campus visits (with one exception) were with friends. My parents did not visit any schools with me. The one exception was a school I visited with my brother and that was the school I fell in love with and ended up attending. I had decent grades and really great test scores so no problem getting accepted.

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