Part of my common app essay help :)

<p>I wrote about my experience at the hospital
I wanted some feed backs and I was wondering if i should continue this essay or just start another one because Hospital experience is very overused and they all usually come out the same</p>

<p>For most of us, a hospital is defined to be a place that harbors pain, agony, and sadness. White coats that carry needles and death walking all round its halls, the thought of hospital is frightening. Against these thoughts, I wanted to be a doctor because it was something that would make my parents proud and happy. I wanted to be a doctor because it would guarantee the most safety for my future. However everything changed when I entered St. Jude Research Hospital in the summer. The irony that this hospital presented to me was shocking. A hospital that focuses on fatal illness such as cancer was full of life. Its walls were covered in vivid colors and bright images. This hospital opened my eyes into the real medical world that I was blind to. It made me feel ashamed of my previous intentions on becoming a doctor and showed me the impacts of the smallest contributions, and real passion.
Does everyone remember what it felt like to have a teenager come up and hang out with them when they were younger? It feels great. It makes you feel super cool. My work at St. Jude was to provide these kids with the exact feeling I mentioned above. I was helping them forget, even for a moment, about the needles or chemotherapy that they have to face every day. One cannot imagine the agonizing and hard life these kids must go through. Imagine if you were born to never have a normal life. The thought of it frightened me. It made my chest swell up and I wanted to burst because I was angry. I didn’t know why these kids had to endure something that millions of others didn’t have to. However, the craziest thing is that these kids bore these pains with a bright smile on their faces when they came to play with me. I understood what they were feeling. People say that you are truly the happiest man on Earth when you figure out the goal and passion in your heart. That moment turned a light switch inside of my heart. It helped me solidify and identify that my goal and passion lies in helping children fight illness.</p>

<p>Pakistan movement & its background.</p>

<p>wut?..</p>

<p>The essay seems very real, maybe develop some ideas a bit more. Also, I wouldn’t copy and paste your essay online.</p>

<p>looks like an interesting essay - just try to make the ideas more developed (as everyone else has advised)</p>

<p>How should i develop it?
what do u mean make the ideas more developed
and also how do i delete the essay off line?
i’ve been worried because alot of the sample essay really focus on one episode and elaborate that episode such as i walked through the sands and felt the sand particles around my toes. The wind was blowing through my hair and stuff
while mine, i dont go deep into the experience but i more talk about effects it had on me</p>