nevermind
Every time this topic comes up like this on CC, I wonder what the actual difference is between what the kids actually do at school vs what the parents think. It seams to me that every parent describes their kid as someone that likes to hangout with a small group of friends and play board games.
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Best & possibly the most accurate post ever written on CC.
Reminds me of a law school where the local bar is named “The Library”.
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Mine did both. She loves a good party and going to fun clubs and bars (ie, they better play music she wants to dance to). She drinks in moderation and hates most red wine and the hard stuff, especially if it’s cheap stuff unless it’s a mixed drink. I often received texts and pics from parties. Once when I visited and there was a great party, I encouraged her to go and I’d do work and I picked her up afterward. I’m all about openness with my kid.
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Not my kids, all 5 are very social and love to be out and about, but they were always this way. A calm night is wine night on the porch with several friends, even in high school I’d have 40 kids in my yard with a fire pit.
I admit, my 20 year old goes to the bar every weekend. But she really truly is there for the swing dancing!
My 19 year old likes to go to itsurweiner for $10 litchers.
I admit, my dad used to read a certain adult magazine…but just for the interviews.
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The “drunk frat culture” (not necessarily at fraternities) can increase the risk (especially for first semester frosh) of problems due to unclear sexual consent while drunk, and being a target for a sexual predator while drunk (or drugged by the sexual predator adding date-rape drugs to one’s drinks).
Very long threads have been made about how colleges (mis)handle cases where sexual misconduct may have occurred. It is obviously better to avoid getting into such a situation in the first place.
https://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/media/Journal/082-Presley.pdf is a paper that describes college characteristics that influence college drinking.
That’s what the kids actually do under parental supervision.
Residential college without parental supervision is another story for many.
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What they don’t say is that they are playing “Beer Risk”
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I went to a big private party school in a city back in the early 90s…and no, not easy to get into. You will still find every type of group and kid. Bars, frats, house parties, drug culture, the works…but also clubs and quieter activities.
You have to know your kid…if they tend to be a responsible kid, even a partier…they will be ok and find the balance. If they are a kid who has a lot of issues with knowing their limits in HS or gets themselves into dumb situations you have to bail them out of all the time…maybe think twice about a party school or one with a huge Greek system. DEFINITELY, School them on staying in a group, never leave a friend behind or let your friend leave with people you know they don’t know well…being aware of surroundings, street smarts, not accepting drinks from strangers or acquaintances, keep your hand over your drink or your thumb over the top of your beer bottle…
Don’t over do it and keep your wits about you. We all have stories of things that went horribly wrong at college, or know people that couldn’t handle it and failed out. I know social party animals that did that, I also knew sheltered kids that never experienced anything in high school, whose parents didn’t talk to them honestly and then couldn’t figure it out when they were let loose on their own for the first time at college. I think be honest with your kids and they will be hopefully more honest with you. Let their grades speak for them, you will know if they are handling it ok. TALK to your kid regularly.
For the record, I managed to spend a lot of time at “The Library” 
and still graduated with a high gpa. I loved school, it made me grow up a lot and be responsible for myself. I have so many close friends still that I made at college.
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@CollegeNerd67 wrote “ Agree that at most colleges, one can find a party crowd if they want one. I do think that the amount and level of partying can vary depending on how hard the college is to get into (kids aren’t likely to jeopardize all the hard work it took to get the acceptance) and how demanding the course work is (the “work hard/play hard” scenario, but mostly on the weekends). STEM-heavy colleges with demanding courses of study are less likely to have 24/7 parties (kids who do that on a regular basis won’t last long, anyway). Nonetheless, there’s always a handful who sailed through high school and don’t take college rigor seriously.
One might encounter more of a robust party scene at larger, sports-heavy schools (some with higher acceptance rates).’
I would highly disagree with this. I went to HS in a city with 2 of the highest ranked schools in the country. We would go to parties at both these schools senior year in HS as we had aquaintances at both from HS. These parties were crazy. Hard alcohol, hard drugs, sex, you name it, it was going on. My much lower ranked, easier admit college 45 minutes away had nothing like that going on. We were actually listed as a “party school” on many lists even though we were a smaller school but our parties consisted of hanging out in an off campus apartment drinking keg beer on Thurs-Sun nights. Work hard/play hard is really a thing at some of these high ranked schools. It’s like nerds gone wild, I think many of these kids were never invited to a party in HS and they’re making up for it in college. When they play, they really play. Two of my good friends went to a T-3 school, one ended up in rehab junior year, the other one was a life-long coke addict till about 5 years ago. Both were extremely successful In their careers thanks to their education but at what cost? I realize this is anecdotal and can happen at any college, but both my friends said the stress levels at this college caused many kids to turn to drugs. They also had many rich friends who could afford to buy them.
My own kids do/will partake in college as I know they already drink in HS. Parties are a huge part of college life for the majority of students. I’m not worried about them going to parties, I’m more worried about what they will be offered when they get there and will they have the willpower to say no if it’s something they are not interested in.
I do chuckle at the number fo parents on CC who say their kids are not looking to party in college. They may not be looking for it, but most of them will find it.
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My D has gone to the town bar once (found it disgusting and sticky, inherited my germaphobia and will never set foot inside again) and has gone to one frat party (found it loud and chaotic). She is an introvert who suffers from social anxiety. Some kids are honest when they tell their parents they don’t party all the time. FWIW, most of her friends are international students who are turned off by the American college drinking culture and the rest are financial aid kids who know they have different rules of conduct than the full-pay kids…
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I agree that at bigger schools there is a ton going on and it’s easier for kids to find their tribe.
Mine isn’t a fan of the big Greek parties and has just gone to a handful. She’d much rather play DnD and drink in an apartment with a small group.
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Same, DD’S friends are all engineering majors; they’re more introverted, love “geeky” activities and avoid the stereotypical partying college kids like the plague. It is possible to avoid the party scene, even at a “party school.” @momofboiler1 DD plays DnD every week; geeks unite! 
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This is solid advice. Totally agree.
My daughter was an athlete. Had lifting at 5:30 am 3 days a week, study tables from 7:30 to 9:30 3 to 4 nights a week.
Really cuts down on the partying!
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I think it really depends on the kid. I have no idea what mine will do, but he is showing interest in spring break activities this year on social media as a HS senior — sharing photos with me, saying this looks fun, etc. He really hasn’t had the opportunity in high school because he is SO busy with extracurriculars and doesn’t seem to run with the party crowd anyway. So… short answer is I am a little worried but I think he’ll find and explore it wherever he ends up!