<p>Asking some past/present Duke students for advice:</p>
<p>I'm going to be a sophomore at Duke this year and am coming off of an absolutely terrible freshman year with regard to fun and social interaction. I know literally no one at the University currently but am making tremendous efforts this summer to plan out my coming year and understand what I need to do to improve my currently abysmal quality of life at Duke. A big reason that I decided to come to this school was its purportedly fun social scene / real college experience relative to other top schools--of which I have seen nothing yet.</p>
<p>I'm not really a "party person" but, since I haven't been able to make friends or acquaintances with my current activity/interest set (reading, sports, volunteering, scientific research, social justice advocacy, learning, etc), I'm thinking that I need to start trying to become one. I'm mainly just hoping to find a cool group of friends to do stuff with regularly and this seems like the logical way to try to pursue that at the moment, though I'm certainly at a huge disadvantage in not having any acquaintances at Duke.</p>
<p>It seems like most people at Duke make their friends at/around parties (from what I understand), so it seems like I should try to get involved in that since I've had such difficulty socially here. I've never been to what I consider a "party", but have been drunk half-a-dozen times and enjoyed most of that to some extent. I didn't attempt to party freshman year because I was not invited to any (and had no one to go with) and because I didn't know where/when they took place. How does one find out where these things occur, and are there certain parties that are more inclined to allow unpopular/unattractive people to come?</p>
<p>If someone could help me out by giving an account of how they got involved in Duke's party scene with no prior experience (any year at Duke) it would be much appreciated. The whole concept is pretty nebulous to me.</p>
<p>I am very curious to this as well…
are you by nature a very socially awkward person? I don’t go to duke so I know nothing specific you could do but my advice is just to make a point to reach out to people, and make the first move. other than that I feel the need to tell you… If you make one friend (Like a single acquaintance before a group of friends) don’t get clingy on him/her. I’m sure you’ll be fine!</p>
<p>I feel like the problem may be with you, no offense. There are ALWAYS parties at every college, not just Duke. You need to step up and make the first move and find out where the parties are at. Stop blaming the college for it and start changing yourself (Sorry if that sounds harsh).</p>
<p>@808charlie
I’m very socially awkward around girls because I’m asexual and have never really had any female friends, but around fellow males I’m fine if perhaps a bit shy at first. I think being clingy is the least of my worries right now; I would rather have that problem than my current one of not knowing anybody–I’ll keep that in mind though.</p>
<p>@1995Andrew
I wish I knew why.</p>
<p>@djking99
You either skimmed my post or I did not articulate it well enough. I’m not blaming anybody but myself and am indeed trying to change, hence the post (though I do think a lot of it had to do with bad luck and unfortunate events beyond my control.) I didn’t have problems before Duke. I mainly just want to know how to locate these parties, which are appropriate to come to as an unpopular/unattractive person, and what they’re like. I feel like it is much less awkward to ask random people I don’t know on the Internet than to ask random people I don’t know in person (as these seem to be my only options.) Duke is my favorite school, I’ve just had an awful experience so far.</p>
<p>Seems like fraternities/sororities/SLG’s passed a lot of advertisements under my door for their parties. This is mainly how I found out. Otherwise, just hang out in the common room. Even if you’re studying, someone may strike up a conversation with you… and you might be able to slide in the question, “Hey, do you know if anything’s going on this weekend?” Hanging out in the common room works wonders for getting to know classmates. </p>
<p>Parties aren’t the best way to get to know people, in my opinion. My best friends at Duke have come from various groups I have sought out, not from casual meetings at parties. These groups can be your dorm, a religious group, a volunteer organization, quidditch!!!, etc… </p>
<p>Since Freshman year was so bad for you, try starting over. Just act like a clueless freshman, and NO ONE will think you’re a friendless sophomore. That’s one great thing about going to a school with thousands of students - you can blend in when you need to. I recommend going to that Freshman student groups’ fair on East Campus early in the year and signing up for the list serves of groups that interest you. People are so busy at Duke; it’s great to have a group that you go to where you will see the same people regularly. </p>
<p>LondonGentleman gave excellent advice, and I agree with it completely.</p>
<p>I can understand your situation. I transferred to Duke as a sophomore for the environmental sciences program, despite having a generally good social experience and close friends at my previous university. Having to start over again and go through the transition process again was very overwhelming at first (and made me question my decision initially), but I found Duke students, especially my Class of 2013 peers, to be more welcoming than I expected. I understand how frustrating it can feel. Biggest piece of advice I can give is to put yourself out there; don’t hang out in your room just by yourself when you have nothing to do. You could start doing your homework and hanging out in the common room, and you can meet people that way. With the new House Model, it will probably be easier to find your group than it was in the past. Hanging out in the Keohane common room was where I met one of my close friends at Duke. </p>
<p>Also, joining clubs and organizations may help. What are your interests? What clubs were you involved in high school? Duke Admissions found you as an interesting person, which is why they admitted you. LondonGentleman mentioned the freshman club and organization fair on East Campus; find out when it is and go to it. I went to it as a sophomore.</p>
<p>Finally, get to class early and if the person that sits next to you seems friendly, start talking to him/her. Some of my close friends in my previous university I met through class, and I made some friends through classes at Duke as well. If you find the person friendly, ask if he/she would be up for studying in a group for the upcoming exam.</p>
<p>Be careful not to come off as too friendly or clingy. You will be able to figure out the balance.</p>
<p>I’m sorry I offended you MW2isawesome, I didn’t know you knew you had social problems. You should your classmates next to you, or someone you are closest with at Duke, be it girl or boy. You can make yourself “popular” from being unpopular as long as you ask not random people, but people you’ve acquainted yourself with, who are not really your friends…yet.</p>
<p>I made most of my friends through my dorm hall/common room, as people mentioned above. As to how to know about parties, I think it’s way easier if you’re a girl as the frats are much more inclined to let them in (the more the better). It’s easy to get into frat parties if you’re a friend of the house or if you befriend multiple girls and walk into the house w/ them. As for how to go about friending these girls, I believe previous users articulated the main ways to navigate the social scene. Yes, girls are kind of elusive and oftentimes entirely confusing. Sometimes, we can be really *****y, too. But trust me, if your intentions are pure and you truly act like you want to be friends with a girl, she’ll probably react in your favor. It doesn’t matter how unattractive you are. The more girls you bring with you, the better. That’s just how frats operate at Duke and at many other schools.</p>
<p>Okay so I’m not sure if I’ve ever even been in my “common room” (is that the room with the TV and couches?) so that might be part of the problem. I’ll give that a shot.</p>
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<p>I like the idea of starting over, I think <4 or so people at Duke even know me on a first name basis so it probably makes sense to pretend to be a freshman.</p>
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<p>Do you know of any specific organizations that might be good for building a social foundation? I found it VERY difficult to get involved in any kind of volunteering at Duke that takes place on a set, weekly basis (couldn’t find anything). I ended up having to do most of my activities this past year at various organizations in Durham. Community service is one of my passions but it’s really difficult to find opportunities if you don’t know anybody. I’m not religious at all (antitheist really) so that’s out the window; I don’t think it’s worth pretending to be something I’m not just to make friends.</p>
<p>I had a bad experience with club sports at Duke (to the point that I quit something for the first time in my life), though I might try out for Quidditch; I doubt I’d make the team though because I don’t have any background. I went to a public high school and have had very limited extracurricular options so it’s really hard to pick something from 400+ organizations without knowing anybody or what it would entail.</p>
<p>@slik nik</p>
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<p>In high school (again, public) I was a 3-sport varsity athlete so that took up most of my time. I did volunteering, math team, and research but–as I said above–I didn’t have many opportunities. I’m interested in both clinical and scientific research, community service, clinical experience (really want to volunteer and shadow in Duke Hospital but I have no idea how), secularism, liberalism, teaching, writing, sports, and (per the thread, to some extent) drinking/partying. Reiteratively, any specific suggestions would be really helpful because the information online about specific activities is extremely limited and I don’t have anybody to ask in real life.</p>
<p>When is that activity fair usually? I don’t think that I heard any notification about the fair last year and thus didn’t go. </p>
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<p>People in my classes (i.e. math, chem, compsci, etc) seem to have groups that they come in with and sit with, and to me it is just really awkward to try to insert myself into one of those groups. I usually end up sitting by myself when I come to class (almost all large lectures). My few classes that were not large lectures were typically of the type that did not require studying. I think it would be a good idea to make a study group if I actually found somebody that was willing. It does kind of seem like people study with people they’re already friends with rather than making friends through studying though; I’m very rigorous and effective when I do study so I can’t really see much fun (the bread and butter of friendship) entering into that equation. Still, having acquaintances would better than having nothing I guess.</p>
<p>@eagertolearn</p>
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<p>Alas, if I knew how to talk to and befriend girls then I wouldn’t have any problems in life! Unfortunately, I am an extremely unattractive male physically, and it seems to me–empirically–that girls do care about that with whom they talk to and spend time. Like I said above, I have no carnal interest in women so I guess my intentions would be “pure” by default. It is difficult for me to talk to women because I lack the “swagger” of many of my male counterparts and have very low self-esteem. I think if I ever actually managed to befriend a gaggle of females then I would have no need to get into a party as that would be contentment in and of itself. So yeah, short of having a sex change it seems like I’m kind of screwed. Any particular party types or specific frats that are more ‘uncool’ (that I could go to without having a ton of female friends)?</p>
<p>It looks like there are several ways to volunteer at Duke Hospital. The health professions advising site has some info about this program, the Health Careers Exploration Program:</p>
<p>First, I just want to clarify…
Just be straightforward with people if they find out you’re a sophomore. Giving the truth works best - just tell them you wanted to check out some clubs that you’d missed out on last year. So I wouldn’t “pretend” to be a freshman to the point of living a lie… You probably already know this. After all, you said, “I don’t think it’s worth pretending to be something I’m not just to make friends.” Right on. (I just don’t want my advice to be misinterpreted )</p>
<p>Yes, the common room is the one with the TV and the couches. It’s a good place to just hang out, surf the web, play music, study when you don’t mind being distracted too much, etc. </p>
<p>I’m not sure that any one group would be notably better than any other for forming a social foundation. As long as you’re interacting with other Duke students on a regular basis and making an honest effort to get to know them while doing something that you enjoy, the friendships will follow.</p>
<p>I haven’t participated in any community service organizations, so I can’t speak on this point. I recommend signing up for several service groups, trying them out, and then devoting yourself to whichever group you like best. </p>
<p>Quidditch has plenty of semi-athletic people who participate, and everyone get’s to play in practice. As far as “making the team” goes, all people have to do to go to the World Cup is make a set number of practices (last year it was 7 of 9). The best players comprise the starting line up and get a larger share of the playing time in matches, but it’s still VERY inclusive. Come to our first practice!</p>
<p>I saw that you’re interested in shadowing. I’m also pre-med, and I have the following number in my phone to call for shadowing opportunities: (919) 660-1050.
I’ve never called it, but it’s a start </p>
<p>Just a piece of admittedly trite, but applicable advice: try it! Whatever it is, regardless of how you think you’ll do, give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.</p>
<p>Thanks, I wasn’t aware that Duke had a Prehealth website, that seems like a really valuable resource.</p>
<p>@LondonGentleman</p>
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<p>Yeah, I would never straight up lie to someone about it but I might just not mention it or even go as far as to actively avoid mentioning it. I’m quite sure that all but the greatest people are, consciously or otherwise, aware that ‘avoiding the unhappy and unlucky’ is essential to social status. I don’t want to push away potential friends by appearing to be so, and totally understand why people would logically avoid a friendless sophomore.</p>
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<p>I’m interested in a lot of things, and I’m sure that I would be interested in a lot of things that I’m not aware of yet, so if you or anybody wants to elaborate on and/or proselytize for a particular Duke group either on this thread or with a PM, that would be much appreciated. Otherwise I would essentially be choosing at random because I have no connections and there are very few Duke groups that seem to have accessible, adequate descriptions of what the activity actually entails.</p>
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<p>I’m pretty athletic, but I’d be more worried about social acceptance as it seems that most people that do Quidditch are in the more popular crowd. My current state of depression often causes me to be pretty flakey, but I’d try to make as many as I could if I do it.</p>
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<p>This has been my recent conclusion as well, I’m just trying to position myself to try things I would most likely enjoy or benefit from socially. I honestly know so little about Duke that I might as well be an incoming freshman, that’s why I’m trying to gather some points of focus from people on here.</p>
<p>I’m not going to give an opinion on whether or not Quidditch players are “popular” because there really isn’t a “popular crowd” at Duke. Sure, there are outgoing people with lots of friends and maybe even some name recognition because of a student government position, cool project, or athletic scholarship; but most people just hang out with the social groups they form naturally while pursuing their interests.</p>
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<p>Again, it’s really difficult to know which groups you’ll enjoy based on others’ comments. Like I suggested earlier, just try out different groups and stick with the few that you like. I’ve mentioned Quidditch just as an example. And don’t worry about “choosing at random.” If you like it, great! If you don’t, move on and don’t look back.</p>
<p>All I’m saying is that those types of people are typically those who would have no desire to be my friend. Like I said, I might give it a shot though.</p>
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<p>I tried a lot of things this last year, and–in terms of Duke activities–didn’t really enjoy any of it, eventually dropping most everything. I mostly did sports, which–at the casual college level–no longer really holds my interest. I’m just trying to get a sense of what people think are the best/most fun/more rewarding activities or groups to participate in at Duke. I want to do something that is meaningful and challenging. It seems like there must be so much more going on at the University than is on my radar since so many people seem to really like Duke. I’m really trying to find a way to fit in and get something out of the experience, but if first semester this year doesn’t go any better I think I’ll really have no choice but to transfer. I honestly don’t understand why I’m having so much trouble here relative to other places I’ve been and lived and it really makes me sad.</p>
<p>Duke parties are the best man… haha. I rememeber many wild nights with lots of drinking and strong headaches in the morning</p>
<p>But you should go to Duke to study, not to party, or you’ll regret it. My gpa dropped significantly after I started having too much fun, so I had to cut back</p>
<p>Just an idea…I recommend going to the counseling center when you get back to school and meet with someone with the goal of expanding your social network. That counselor could help you if you are socially anxious or if you just don’t know what to say to break the ice and start a friendship.</p>
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