<p>MDapplicants.com</a> - Search Results</p>
<p>Because pre-meds were talked about, I thought I would post this.</p>
<p>I look at lists like this and I see students from many colleges getting into med school. I also see high mcat scores from many colleges.</p>
<p>So, I conclude, there are smart kids getting a great education at many places.</p>
<p>If you want to set your own parameters...
MDapplicants.com</a> - Home</p>
<p>anotherNJmom said:</p>
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Christcorp, Are you a little bit too quick to judge others?
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<p>I don't think so. </p>
<p>Christcorp's point is that there should be a practical reason to choose to fund the mega-bucks to have little Johnny or Janie attend a costly private school, not just to satisfy their whim (e.g., "Mommy, I like that one! Can I go?? Please! Please! Can I? Please!?") or as a status boost to the parent (e.g.,"MY Son goes to an IVY, aren't I a good parent-provider!?!").</p>
<p>Many parents pay on the basis of "fit." anotherNJmom, you might want to look at the threads on that too. Lots of disagreement on the reality and validity of fit.</p>
<p>Lots of parents look at college as a joint venture with their young adult. The student gets merit money to help defray the cost of the school and the parents help with the rest. That way the student has at least some investment in the process. Some parents even required the student to earn the money for spending and/or books if not covered by the merit money. </p>
<p>The thought is by the time the student is a HS graduate, he or she ought to have some passing experience with real world issues like cost/benefit of something rather than a continued, prolonged adolescence by doting parents.</p>
<p>AnotherNJmom; You obviously didn't read, or understand my post. That's OK. The truth is; it is wrong to believe that because a school is going to cost $200,000 that is must be a "Better" school. The "Better" school depends on what the student is a)wanting to study b)where they want to go to graduate school, if applicable and c)where they want to eventually work once they graduated. If your kid's "Dream" school is Princeton, yet they want a degree in Architecture, you should be talking them out of Princeton. They should be looking at U of Kansas, U of Texas (Austin), Notre Dame, Iowa State. USC. "But Mom; It's Princeton!!! It's my dream school". Sorry, but paying $200,000 to go to Princeton because it's their dream school, when it's NOT a Better school is stupid. Sorry. My point is; just because a school costs more doesn't make it a BETTER SCHOOL. </p>
<p>But hey, spend your money any way you want. It's your money. If you've worked your butt off for the sole purpose of sending your kid to Princeton or their "Dream School" no matter what it is they want to study or that maybe they have no idea what they want to study, then go for it. No one's stopping you.,</p>
<p>I've already said that many of the $200,000 schools are the best. (IN CERTAIN AREAS OF STUDY). I'm just saying that just because they cost more doesn't make them a better school.</p>
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I'm just saying that just because they cost more doesn't make them a better school.
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<p>Nor does paying for it without a practical reason make the parents "better" parents.</p>
<p>Wow. There seems to be a lot of defensiveness here. I think the merit aid, state school option is excellent. I respect parents who help their children go to school, whether it's through actually paying for dream school, counseling different values, helping find good merit aid, or just filling out paperwork. And if the child is receiving a good education and is relatively happy with this decision, it's no one's place to judge this. Some of my favorite people, both in life and on CC, have gone this route, and yes, their children are thriving.</p>
<p>I felt that I didn't want my child choosing college on the basis of finances. This was a deep commitment to me going into it, by that I mean when I had children. College is an important thing to me for the reasons I detailed and also because I'm a college professor. Maybe my perspective is out of whack. However, as crazy as you might think I am, I really don't think my kids would have the experiences they are having anywhere else, D because Barnard is in NYC and affiliated with Columbia; S because Williams' entry system and atmosphere is bringing him out of his shell. He's quite reserved. Both kids know exactly what they want to do and earn all their own spending money via work/study.</p>
<p>I don't see why I should be the butt of sarcasm. I absolutely respect those who feel differently. This was a driving force for me, though I can't quite explain why.</p>
<p>I am working many extra hours and would have refinanced my house to pay for it. Things have worked out differently, but that was my commitment.
And I am convinced that this was right for me and my family. Do I feel more virtuous than other parents who make a different decision? No. I have the attitude I do because this is what makes me happy. I am not sacrificing for my children; having them at these schools is enhancing their lives, and thus, mine.</p>
<p>I am sure "fit" is not applicable in many situation; for my kids it definitely is.</p>
<p>No, I am not a "better" parent, but I am sorry that some posters think me foolish. So be it.</p>
<p>Take the free ride now. Med school will cost the earth. Save for help there.</p>
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Christcorp's point is that there should be a practical reason to choose to fund the mega-bucks to have little Johnny or Janie attend a costly private school, not just to satisfy their whim (e.g., "Mommy, I like that one! Can I go?? Please! Please! Can I? Please!?") or as a status boost to the parent (e.g.,"MY Son goes to an IVY, aren't I a good parent-provider!?!").
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We leave the college choices mostly to our kid. The colleges he chose to apply were not come out as whim, he did his research on the schools based on the ranking of his chosen study fields (include the profs background of these schools). They happen to be among the top schools. So after all there are reasons these top schools happen to be the top schools!</p>
<p>People have different POVs, you don't come from my background you don't know how hard was it to get ANY higher educations back in the days. Not only you had to be acadamically chanlanged, your family political background also has to be 'right'.....Maybe thats why we value kid's education investment more than anything. And we believe fair competetion in college admissions (need/race/gender blind, 'merit' counts only)......Yes, I'm proud of being "a good parent-provider"! He did his job and his HS acadamic achievement proved to us he has better judgements. Now we are doing ours. btw, we are expecting some 'merit-base scholarship' on the way. We just don't want it dictates where he should go. I'm not totally 'stupid', am I?</p>
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mythmom
I respect parents who help their children go to school, whether it's through actually paying for dream school, counseling different values, helping find good merit aid, or just filling out paperwork. And if the child is receiving a good education and is relatively happy with this decision, it's no one's place to judge this.
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Thank you! That's the whole point, very well said.</p>
<p>Years ago when my elder daughter was graduating high school, there was a girl in her high school who was accepted to U Penn for pre-med. The FA package was good, not complete, and there would have been considerable loans. Her parents pushed Rutgers where the ride was practically free. At the time I thought "How awful." The girl graduated at the top and is now finishing med school at one of the best in the country.</p>
<p>As anyone who over time on CC has read the threads must know, mythmom is one strong, committed, self-reliant woman and compassionate person.</p>
<p>My strong feeling that college is the point at which the young adult must start to choose on a cost/benefit analysis and must have a personal financial investment in the process comes from two places.</p>
<p>My father told me once that the greatest gift a parent can give a child is for that parent NEVER to be financially dependent on their child. I was born in 1950 and my parents died years ago and never needed a dime from me. I have friends my age and older who do have aged parents who ARE financially dependent on these now 50-60 year old "children." </p>
<p>In many situations it has been devastating to the marriage of these children and forces those people to choose between doing and providing for themselves and their children (yes, including paying portions of college costs and expenses) and the now aged and financially dependent parent(s). </p>
<p>I was with one such couple recently and asked them about their personal college experience. The parents who now consisted of one dependent parent had "worked their butts off" and their son had gone to the private school of his choice w/o knowing about the lack of planning his parents had done for their later life.</p>
<p>That now nearly 60 year old man is paying for the medical and living expenses of his remaining aged parent while trying to provide for he and his wife and assist their two kids with college (BTY his kids did not get the open-ended "pick and we will pay" treatment). Savings have been depleted, his health is shot from stress (their marriage is strained to the breaking point) and the aged parent is mentally abusive and totally non-appreciative of what this is doing to that man and his wife, their marriage and their children. In fact, the aged parent seems to feel and apparently mentions obliquely that the man "owes" that parent this support.</p>
<p>SO, I strongly believe this "all for the kids," to give them freedom from having to address and understand rational financial decisions at 17 or 18, is not without potentially horrific consequences. I now admire that my parents placed limits on my college choices such that they were never financially dependent on me and my wife and my S.</p>
<p>The other issue is the young adult's investment in the post HS educational process. My S had to bring merit money to the table by my limits. He had to make his choice based on my total financial commitment amount. He could have gone to "named" privates, but there would have been $0.00 left for graduate school. He chose large merit at a "lesser" named private school. (where he has shrived) </p>
<p>My limit is also that I will not now pay more than the shortfall between merit and the cost of the school he chose. We don't have any argument over his grades. Its up to him to keep his scholarships.</p>
<p>I admit (and have stated so previously in other threads) that I feel that I wasted a lot of what college had to offer when I attended. I took my father's limitations and went to private college for 2 years and public state school for two years. Since the amount he was willing to pay was sufficient to cover the "entire nut," I did not have to finance any of it. That, looking back, was a mistake. I recall at both private and public schools that the students who were carrying a portion of the financial cost tended to be more dedicated and focused. I think that is a very positive thing for a young person. It helps in the maturation process. AND, unlike me, the students who were paying for some of college, didn't seem to let drugs and alcohol get in their way. Whether it was can't afford them (literally) or can't chance possibly getting bad grades, those students made the most of their college experience. I know I didn't.</p>
<p>SO, there really are good reasons that parents may feel that it is best for EVERYONE involved (parent and child) that college not come close to being a true "free ride" for the student.</p>
<p>07DAD: Thank you so much for that reassurance. You know I admire you too.</p>
<p>I very much admire you for racing a son who is so self-reliant and committed to his education.</p>
<p>Perhaps it's true that my kids have been "babied" a bit. </p>
<p>I am proud that they use their extra time (since they are being given a free ride) to benefit others. D volunteers in legal departments of several charitable institutions and S is taking EMT training to be able to help students who over drink at parties among other things.</p>
<p>So I admire my kids' commitment to others. I wish I didn't have to say that I think they would buckle at having to be so responsible for college. I might be wrong, but so it seems to me.</p>
<p>I also agree that parents need to provide for themselves. I plan to work at my job until at least 70, maybe 75. There are many professors on college campuses who do this because our 15 hour work week is not too grueling. (Well, mucho time spent grading papers, etc. but I do that in comfy Starbucks close to home.)</p>
<p>We don't have a pension, only a glorified IRA, so I really don't plan to retire. And since my mom worked until 80, I think I'll be able to also.</p>
<p>So maybe my philosophy is born of knowing I have options. </p>
<p>And here is the part where readers may check out and judge me too kooky: I actually think there is some kind of energy that directs us, and I'll wager that most parents, even with radically differing philosophies, are doing what is best for their particular children in the conditions they find themselves in.</p>
<p>I lost one friend, a pediatric dentist, because I refused to let my children cry after I left the room when they were babies....you know, the cry themselves to sleep thing. She did this, and it was very successful for her. I couldn't. Under much pressure, I tried one night and my very feisty daughter cried for three hours straight. It was one of the worst three hours of my life. As far as I know, both dentist's son and my daughter have turned out well. She couldn't tolerate my philosophy. I said, "You lucky duck. It worked for you."</p>
<p>We have a human being, the seed of what they will become, entrusted in our care, and we make choices to care for this potential so it will bloom. Different in each kid's case and for each family.</p>
<p>07DAD: I have no doubt that your approach is creating a wonderful young man.</p>
<p>07Dad: Very thoughtful and well said. I agree with you if the choice is between Syracuse or SUNY Albany. When faced with a problem like Mythmon had, (which is a problem I would love to have), i.e. Williams or Barnard vs. SUNY Stony Brook, I could never muster the strength of character it would take to say no to my (mythical) smart, hardworking, athletic, extra-curricular laden, likable, good-looking over-achiever.</p>
<p>Sawdust: You lost us at athletic. Haha! And in the case of my son, over-achiever. He's pretty laid back. But good looking? Definitely! Both kids modelled, mostly because H is a photog.</p>
<p>D applied to Bing; S to Stony Brook. D would have been in tears every day; S would have shrugged and say, "Whatever." Two of his best friends are at Stony Brook -- physics majors already doing research, sons of European physicists.</p>
<p>But yes, it would have been hard for me, although I am a proud Stony Brook grad, undergrad and PhD.</p>
<p>shelley- a coworkers D was also accepted at UPenn and Rutgers 7yr program. The RU program would have been free. HS representatives contacted her parents and suggested she attend Penn. The HS reps were very complementary of the RU program but suggested that this kid was "special". Fast forward she became Rhodes nominee but withdrew when she won a Marshall Scholarship- she attended Oxford and had med school acceptances at every school she applied Harvard, Penn etc. I heard she had one of the highest MCat scores possible. She is now at Penn for Med school and I think she was awarded money. This time I believe Penn purchased her from Harvard. Her father is a great guy so he doen't fully brag so some info. is unclear.</p>
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As anyone who over time on CC has read the threads must know, mythmom is one strong, committed, self-reliant woman and compassionate person
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This has been my goal for my kid from very young age. </p>
<p>We grow up in a different background, where we believe it's one's reponsibility to take care their kids and elderly parents (finantial included). Up to this day we send money to both of our parents, even they don't ask. However by no means we even think about rely on our American grown kid finantially when we get old. We started with a few of hudred $s here, nothing can be worth than that.</p>
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SO, I strongly believe this "all for the kids," to give them freedom from having to address and understand rational financial decisions at 17 or 18, is not without potentially horrific consequences.
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It's nothing like he is asking "Mommy, I like that BMW! Can I have one?? Please! Please! Can I? Please!?".......The way he is thinking and handling things so far we have total confidence in him. Give him the best possible education he deserves, then let him make his way in this world. </p>
<p>You and your dad made good decision for your education. We make we think best for our kid.</p>
<p>dstark, thanks for the link. I'm curious what parameters you set to get the results you linked to. (No ulterior motives - just curious.) I chose the age 21-25 (wish I could just choose by year - not sure what age has to do with it!) and "acceptance" and get a much shorter list than you did. Did you just choose who applied, rather than who was accepted?</p>
<p>Regardless, there are quite a number of schools listed, which I believe was your point. There are also some interesting omissions (from my list, at least, of those accepted.)</p>
<p>Having gone through a similar decision with S1, I recommend that parents use the determination of where to go to school as a learning process in-and-of-itself.</p>
<p>In our family, we try to make major decisions with both heart and mind. As we discussed the options, several factors were considered; both the heart/dreams and the mind/cost. In an attempt to quantify all the factors, we collected them in a spreadsheet, weighted and then sorted them. Determining the weightings was were most of our discussions centered on. </p>
<p>It turned out to be a rite of passage we will repeat with D2 and D3. It may not work for everyone, but it gave us a methodology that was respectful to both emotions and logic.</p>
<p>Yes, cool site, dstark. Important to realize these are self reported by those wanting to participate in the site.</p>
<p>Thank you 07DAD for a fantastic post. That is definitely my goal. To not be a burden on my kids when I am old and they have their family or becoming empty nesters themselves. I WON'T mortgage the house for them to go to college. My life does not revolve around them. It is a balance. If they want to go to yale, princeton, harvard, columbia, etc.... I will most definitely HELP. I will contribute the amount I would have used to pay for their state-U school. (Approximately $15,000 a year plus spending money). That is what is worked into MY BUDGET. This allows them a fine education without being a financial burden on us. And potentially us on them again later.</p>
<p>Both kids having applied to a number of schools, have come up with merit, scholarships, private scholarships, grants, and loans if necessary, to go to most any school they want to. They have also learned over the years how beneficial it is to be debt free, well invested for early retirement, and able to enjoy our lives today. Both of them are taking basically free ride offers. My daughter only requires us to help her out with some monthly spending money. She busted her butt to get scholarships, grants, and private money. My son will require similar because of his hard work. Great for them; great for us. I think taking my kids on trips to Belize, Mexico, throughout the USA, etc... is just as beneficial. I guess we could have forgone all those trips and used the money towards their college education instead. </p>
<p>Anyway; my kids can go to any college in the country that they want to. Assuming they are accepted. They know what my contribution amount is. They can take care of the rest with grants, scholarships, loans, merit, etc... Fortunately, they are smart enough NOT TO TAKE OUT LOANS if they don't need to. And in return, I won't be a burden on them years from now. Thanks again for a fantastic post 07DAD.</p>
<p>I would pay for the school which you and your daughter believe that she will get the best education. Do not worry about medical school at this time. Many of the students who enter pre-med do not go into medicine. In addition, the field of medicine is going downhill fast.</p>
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IMO, if you could, don't make kid chose. Some kids may take it well, some may not. Heard a story, a kid got accepted in a ivy, also got a 'free ride' at a state flagship. The family, an uper-middle class, not qualified for 'need-based' FA at the ivy, the parents made kid chose "ivy" or "free ride to state U, we the money saved from ivy buy a new car for you. XXXX's kid go to the state U and they bought him new car...." The kid (usually kept things to self) took the late, cause he knew that's what his parents wanted him to do. But he was not happy, seeing his peers who got accepted into the ivy actually went to ivy. After an unhappy year, he took his own life. And this was the only child in family. The parents took it sooooooooooooooo hard. Of course this is an extrem example and this kid might have some other reason, but parents' mind would always be question "what if we let him go ivy?". I think the 'guilty' feeling will follow them the rest of their life.
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<p>Agree with ChrisCorp that this kid has deeper issue. My own nephew/niece took the free ride and are very happy with the decision. I wonder if the if the above post is written to scare parents in general.</p>