@ChangeTheGame, this thread itself is giving you plenty of practice explaining to pushy strangers why your D isn’t applying to insert prestigious elite school here :))
It seems pretty clear that your family worked hard to come up with a list of schools that your D would be happy to attend. She has a lot of great options, and you didn’t prevent or discourage her from applying to the prestigious schools your parent is pushing. Just let the comments roll off; in a few days it will be a moot point as the application deadlines pass.
It sounds like the dream schools are the grandparent’s dream, not your daughter’s. If they aren’t what she wants, please try to cut off your pushy parent’s badgering.
I’ve been following this thread as we are in a similar situation. We’ve had teachers tell us she could do much better or her choices will be too easy for her. Grandma keeps saying she should apply to an Ivy League. Then we get recommendations for other schools that would be unaffordable for us.
We started out knowing we would need merit, that D would need a smaller school where should could more easily form the close relationships she would need with professors to thrive, that she would be overwhelmed in an urban environment, that she has a medical history and should not be in a constantly intense environment where should would have a more difficult time keeping a healthy sleeping and eating schedule, that she wanted a spiritual group with the right fit, etc .
I know in my heart all these things are necessary for her health and happiness, but I still have a hard time when we’ll-meaning people being up prestigious college options that don’t fit the criteria.
And there is still a part of me asking if I am selling her short by not encouraging her to apply to matches and reaches.
One thing that has sort of helped recently is that D has decided not to do anything else for now that requires more essays. The line is drawn and she drew it. She is finally recovered from the concussion that kept her from completing school work and participating in activities where she has had a serious commitment, and she wants to apply herself to school, playing her instrument, and get back into fulfilling her leadership roles.
So I don’t have an easy answer for the well-meaning people because there are a lot of factors which are nobody’s business and they probably would not understand anyway. Sometimes I think I need to make a list for myself and put it somewhere where I can bring it out and look at it when someone triggers my insecurities.
@ChangeTheGame I hear you about grandparents…less college conversation is more here. Just keep trying to put them off. My MIL really got under my collar about this topic last weekend. She was glowing about how wonderful all the merit money my daughter was getting and I agreed with her but told her it was still a long way from affordability in many cases so we would have to see how it plays out. She then told me I should not worry about such things, she has worked hard and should go anywhere she wants.
Bit my tongue not to ask if that meant was that because she was paying. I have been up nights worrying about this very thing…afraid my hardworking daughter will not be able to go to her top choice even if she gets in because we can not afford it.
Let me add…my son is an only child and an aunt paid for his college not his parents. My husband has said next time she shoots her off her mouth like this he will be asking her how much she is paying because that is how much weight she will get in the conversation.
Most hardworking kids don’t get to go their top choices because it is not affordable. They do fine anyway. There are more than 25 schools in the US. Millions upon millions of productive people who live happy lives didn’t go to dream schools.
@MACmiracle I understand you quandary, because I have asked myself if I am doing what’s best. At this point, just trying to trust my own gut (that my daughter understands the magnitude of this moment) amongst those who don’t quite agree.
@jym626 I have been shielding my daughter from her grandparent, but I have decided that she is the only person in the world who can explain her thought processes. I have tried and failed miserably to explain her list so this is a test to see how much conviction she has in her list.
@gearmom Laughed at pay to play. My parent would tell me that payment happened when I was given life. Opinion is coming whether I like it or not. It’s okay because I told parent I will have an opinion on the retirement home one day. Laughed together, got an adult beverage and moved on. I just accept that is a part of my own Family dynamic but don’t think my daughter will find humor in it.
In my opinion…you…and your daughter are wasting time trying to get the grands to change their Mindoro understand the process you used. SOOOOO. Stop doing that.
They can ask and talk all they want… it it doesn’t mean you and your daughter need to engage them. You can be polite and say…”we are so proud of DD, and will let you know her final choice when she makes it in May”.
Then…change the subject. If they persist…excuse yourself and go to the bathroom…or something.
@thumper1 I am done trying to convince parent. My daughter will probably change the subject quickly on her grandparent (she is smarter than I am).
@camcam2022 I looked at the costs of the Ivys a while ago and they are cheaper than the in-state schools based on our family’s income (probably a similar price after adding in travel back and forth). But she is currently working on an outside scholarship essay today and she doesn’t see applying to any other schools. She is happy with her current top 4 list (in order)
Howard
1a. Tulane
Xavier
Hampton
If she gets in and has the money, she will probably chose between those 1st 2 schools. It maybe impossible to get all of the money for Tulane but we will see. She will do the admitted students day at Georgia Tech (if she gets in) and UGA since they are both with 45 minutes.
@patsmom Sorry about the confusion with my statement. I was taking thinking outside merit scholarships that can go anywhere. I have adjusted my statement.
What an interesting thread! I’m 17, and without giving away TOO many details I sound exactly like your daughter. The only difference is that I got into Yale EA and am 99% sure I will not be attending because of cost. If I get in, most likely GT '22 for me. My advice: always think about the $$$. You can work your butt off and still get nowhere because of it.
edit: GA Tech is definitely not nowhere. My point is that I am most likely giving up my dream college (despite my best efforts) because of a factor outside my control.
@PartoftheHamFam Make sure you exhaust all outside means for funding that you can apply to. I would encourage my daughter to “put in work” to get the funds, if it is your dream.
I agree with the above. My son is working the religious and fraternal scholarship applications over break. He wants skin in the game, AND to get us parents’out of pocket costs as low as possible.
And how is this going to help the OP…unless she gets a FULL ride outside merit award…and really unless there is some hidden gem someplace…the deadlines to apply for those have passed for this year’s HS seniors.
If it’s not a full ride…at MANY of these schools…the merit award will reduce the need based award given by the school…because the student will have less need.