<p>I came across some anecdotes about accountants, and even though some of them are funny, many of them make accountants seem stupid and boring:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.</p></li>
<li><p>What's the difference between the male sperm and an accountant?
The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human.</p></li>
<li><p>What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he is boring.</p></li>
<li><p>What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>5.What's the definition of unlikely?
A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants - Nude!'.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.</p></li>
<li><p>What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.</p></li>
<li><p>Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours?
Because on the box it said Concentrate.</p></li>
<li><p>Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks?
Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.</p></li>
<li><p>What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.</p></li>
<li><p>How do you know accountants have no imagination?
They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.</p></li>
<li><p>If an accountant's wife can't get to sleep, what does she say?
"Tell me about work today, dear" :)</p></li>
<li><p>When do accountants laugh out loud?
When somebody asks for a raise</p></li>
<li><p>What does CPA stand for?
Can't Produce Anything</p></li>
<li><p>What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.</p></li>
<li><p>Accountants aren't boring people. They just get excited over boring things.</p></li>
<li><p>Old accountants never die. They just lose their balance.</p></li>
<li><p>Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.</p></li>
<li><p>An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."</p></li>
<li><p>The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"</p></li>
<li><p>Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:</p></li>
</ol>
<p>"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".</p>
<ol>
<li><p>An accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, "Do you know what I do?'
"Daddy says you're a CPA."
"That's right. Did he tell you what CPA stands for?"
"Well, he says you're a Complete Pain in the Arse."</p></li>
<li><p>What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.</p></li>
<li><p>Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.</p></li>
<li><p>What's an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humour. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>:)</p>