<p>Which topic/prompt?
Prompt 1-describing your background
Topic:freshman volleyball season on varsity. Went from being the slowest, quiet person on the team to team captain the next year...also dealt with a lot of issues w/ seniors and confidence issues, how i grew from that, etc and what I learned from this experience that will benefit me in college and other leadership activities(piano, club activities, ministry)</p>
<p>Prompt 5: an accomplishment/ transition from childhood to adulthood
Topic: won a scholarship for high school in my transition from 8th grade to high school. Wrote an essay about a personal family event. The scholarship is from an organization for a memorial for a boy who was killed, and he had gone to the same school as me, lived in the same city, so I felt that the same thing that happened to him could happen to me... What I learned from this experience, etc</p>
<p>Which is better? I felt that the second topic was the one, but when I started writing it I felt as if I was writing more about others than myself. </p>
<p>I think first is better, but only if you ONLY talk about volleyball. If you mention the piano, club, ministry it will seems like your overstuffing it, trying to fit all your credentials in. But I think that if you talk about your downfalls and the way you feel about it and why this made an impact on your life I think it would be very very good. (Make sure you stay humble though)</p>
<p>The problem with the second one is that it may seem a little too like the basic essays that people always do, like the ones about people going on missions to third-world countries and their lives being changed by seeing that people could live with so little. It seems a little like you’re using his story to further yours, when this should really focus on you. (I know that’s not what you’re doing, but that’s the way it may come across)</p>
<p>^____ agree with @kidacat … But this is a dangerous topic as well. IF done well, it could work, but you MUST avoid any hint of bragging. You must also avoid “telling” the story; it’s much better to think of each paragraph as a movie scene, “showing” what you want to say. </p>
<p>For example, instead of saying, “When I started volleyball, I was so slow,etc. etc.” and instead, say something like, “The volleyball was descending near me. Every eye was on me as I moved to intercept it. But it seemed my body was responding in slow motion, and, after a miss-hit, the ball hit the court with a loud snap. A point lost, and all because of me.” That is the first paragraph (not those words, exactly, but something like that - you get the idea).</p>
<p>The LAST paragraph should show your transition (not tell about it). It should also echo the first paragraph: “In the next year’s opening game, as the ball descended near me, I did not have time to think about the eyes on me. I moved into place and set my teammate, who spiked for a kill.” (or something with more accurate volleyball jargon).</p>
<p>The middle paragraphs should document your transition: Second paragraph should give a brief intro into who you are and what the first paragraph was about, but then the third and forth paragraph SHOW how you accomplished your transition (it would be great if you did that with the help of another player or the coach - that way you can give credit to others and deflect that bragging tone).</p>
<p>LET THE READER DISCOVER how you’ve changed and who you are now.</p>