<p>Hey there! I'm new to this community and i'm a college board student i'm in twelfth grade and currently about to submit my personal essays, but it would be great to receive some feedback from college students or student who have been accepted, etc. so below I have essay number one and two and would love some feedback! </p>
<h1>1</h1>
<p>I want to feel pleasure to the point of insanity. This pleasure is not the kind you can buy on the corner of the street or inject into your veins nor is it the pleasure that can be poured into a glass and guzzled in the dark hours of the night, I must earn this pleasure. I have been kept in a cage of withering aging, surrounded by an endless wall and like an artist I have been assigned the job to paint the interior of my walls, but only the outside can imagine what I have conjured up on the inside. Every true artist is at war with this world that has only regressed into a tighter ball of societal norms and regulations keeping generations at the edge of complete collapse. The world is an endless cycle of boundaries, invisible lines keeping the physical world a structured landmass. The idea of borders is nothing but an invisible line that keeps two different cultures separated by lands. Without borders, we may all be a unionized bunch possibly creating ideas rather than repeating them. As for myself, I am but a vessel, like a needle in a vein injecting the finest high into the brain. But I am also a creation, just like any film or book. Every story is different, this is why originality is not completely dead, however, humans have become introverted, unable to allow others into what their brains comprehend. The brain is an entrance; things like film and art allow a gate into the brain and expand imaginations bringing the deepest thoughts and criticisms to the surface. School is the epitome of a seemingly robotic system manually forcing youth and teens into a cycle of homework, lectures and years of learning how to learn. What I will take from high school is the ability to learn and take tests, holistically, I can say that high school has never taught me a life lesson except to sit down and shut up and do what I am told to do. I have begun to break these boundaries letting the pleasure I have so highly craved seep into my mind and soul. My family had always raised me to ask questions no matter the severity or controversy of them because without answers there can never be progress. Growing up I experienced homelessness, loss, soul mates becoming just mates, alcoholic, mental and physical abuse, and even though I was and still am a bit bent and crooked, I can't complain, because life is not about what came before, life is about breaking free from the finite circle and becoming an individual player in the same orchestra. Every human is in the same composition, but only our self and ourselves only can determine what beauty we radiate from our instruments and what pleasure we bring to our audience. </p>
<h1>2</h1>
<pre><code> I am but an unfinished masterpiece, the greatest project that I will have ever made is myself. Through the seemingly euphoric highs and lows of my existence, I have yet to find the pinnacle of my obscure self. With all things considered, I have identified the source of my very being. I am not an athlete, nor am I a singer, artist or by any means talented in the eyes of an uncomplicated beholder. I am but the utmost peek of my own mountain, I am a brain inhabited by a body seeking disclosure of my own species. Talent is defined as a unique or special ability that allows one to do something well. I may not possess a born talent or a skilled talent, but I do possess a talent of its own kind, the ability to think. Although not unique nor special in context, it isn’t just my ability to think, but my ability to comprehend and unwind the most intricate webs of the mind, body and soul. Vladimir Nabokov once wrote, “We live not only in a world of thoughts, but also in a world of things. Words without experience are meaningless.” Through the experiences I have endured, my thoughts have created a constellation of actions paving my path into the arcane universe. I feed off a particular hunger, one that consists of cravings for a constant renewal of life’s already established criticisms and theories. The brain is an endless envelope of intricate substances elaborating on actuality, spirituality and anything else it happens to conjure up. As for myself, every day begins with a void, but not the type of void often sad or lonely, but a void awaiting the injection of knowledge and experiences. I have occurred much in my life that may appear unique to the naked eye, but at the end of the day, the only way these experiences can be declared as unique is by myself because my experiences are my perception and of my knowledge. I see the world one way and the world can only imagine the vision I identify with. At a time in my life, a crimson wave of blood filled the porcelain sink in the tiny villa I participated in hibernating for a season or so. The blood was an indication of life at a peak of disruption. However, as I washed the sink and recall the memories of the stormy night, I find that without that moment, without my brain in survival mode ready to endure the storm, I may just be another brick in the wall watching the interior collapse in on itself. However, neither crimson stain nor any glassy tear stricken eyes could ever alter what my brain knew as true. Perhaps my true talent is survival, but without my brain, survival would never even be a word. Life is a learning process, a series of rituals and moves the brain make in order to win the ultimate game of life. As I precariously move through the quicksand of people and prodigies, I begin to realize something. My body is but a vessel, a place to call home for my quick trip to earth.
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<p>I will be doing some revising on a few things, but I would appreciate feedback, thank you! :)</p>