Personal Statement Help!

<p>I would like some feedback thanks!</p>

<p>Discovering Light</p>

<p>It is six in the morning, the sun is barely rising to its peak, and I am walking the lonely streets. I pace myself knowing I need to arrive to school on time. Even as a child, I understood my responsibilities and what was expected. I had just turned eleven, and since I was in the Keystone Academy, I had to be at Vina Danks Middle School by 6:30 a.m. My mom worked two full-time jobs: one graveyard shift as a caregiver and one day shift at the Ontario-Montclair School District, so nobody could drive me to school. While my father was living the dream life and abusing Methamphetamine, his children were lacking love and well-being, but that was his decision. Consequently, I had to take care of myself, be responsible, and walk to school in the dark 6:00 a.m. mornings. On that stroll to school, I realized it. Growing up alone without a family to guide me was admittedly difficult, but walking to school every morning in the mesmerizing freshness caused my epiphany: my education was my only mission in life. I had lived life watching my mom struggle to pay the rent and place a meal on the table. She took it upon herself to make ends meet, since my father was not around. I refused to allow myself to wind up in my mother’s position.</p>

<p>Before my eyes, everyone and everything I had was gone; I was in the darkness, simply observing, as my mother continued to sacrifice her health for her kids. Working two full-time jobs was not the ideal plan my mother had, but my father had to depart. My father was the cause of the poverty and emotional stress I faced at home. I recall constantly discovering drugs on the restroom counter or walking in on him shooting up. My sister became extremely distant with me and due to her personal isolation, suffered drug abuse herself. I longed for comfort from anyone I could possibly attain it from, but I was unfortunate. Feeling isolated at the age of eleven made it difficult for me to locate a source of inspiration. My ocean of endless opportunities felt limited, but that was not the case. While I may not have understood the reasons, I understood the responsibilities. I knew there was a purpose I was working towards. At times I felt the urge to be a success was a result of my father’s lack of comfort, but that was not it. My mother had given me an indirect incentive to become someone.</p>

<p>I recognize my purpose in this world; I am here to gain a purposeful and meaningful education to support myself and my own family. I became an adult at the age of eleven, not living the life of a regular child, but instead knowing that my investment into my education would change my life forever. The world that I lived in was significantly different than other eleven-year-old children, but I used my experience to develop strength and determination. The obscurity of my loneliness permitted me to battle for the light, build resilience and form an identity to call my own.</p>

<p>Essay itself is really good. But try to start your essay with a catchy, descriptive paragraph.</p>