Personal Statement in 2 hours

<p>D:</p>

<p>Yea. Bad timing. I have 2 hours left. I need as many edits for this ASAP.</p>

<p>PROMPT:
Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it. (500-650 words)</p>

<p>ESSAY:
My father married another woman a year ago. I heard the news eight months later from my mother. My feelings at the time were unfathomable, not because he abandoned the family, but because he told me after he was married. My father is a man who believes that ignorance is bliss. I, on the other hand, consider that bliss comes from experiencing both the blessings and burdens of life. What completes the good is the bad.</p>

<p>I grew up with a mother who barely spoke English, without a paternal parent, and siblings. Even though I lacked the support of a family throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school, I never once had any regrets about my upbringing. At times when I felt lonely, I dialed the numbers of my father’s phone number to tell him I loved him, after I mustered up the courage to do so, but the only words I was never able to say was, “come home.”</p>

<p>The absent presence of my father and mother; who worked late and would always come home when I was sleeping, was a major aspect of my life that I did not have to enjoy like my friends. I envied my friends, who would constantly be badgered by their sisters or brothers – they called it a hassle, but I saw it as a blessing. My relatives, who lived many hours away, never had many opportunities to visit me. They were the closest thing I had to a “family”. </p>

<p>It would be a lie if I did not describe myself as a disconsolate person at times, but to say that I was always unhappy would also be a lie. My parents never intentionally wanted to make me to feel neglected as a child, and I was able to understand that my mother and father both loved me. What mostly helped me cope with the pain I experienced were my friends.</p>

<p>Two weeks after I learned of my father’s remarriage, I discussed my emotional insecurities with a friend, Jennifer Lee. She consoled me and gave me a hug. She said it was OK to cry. She told me I was her family. The advice she gave me helped me a great deal, and because of it, I was able to emotionally deal with things to come.</p>

<p>My idea of a family is not restricted to people who are related to me by blood, but includes those who have a significant impact on what makes me who I am. My mother is the one who spends so much time arduously working to place food on the table at home. My father is the one who prays for me to be healthy and become a successful woman. My aunt is the one who calls to ask me how I am doing. My cousin Anna Yang is the one who comes over every possible weekend to exchange stories with me. Jennifer Lee is the one who supports me during school when I experience personal hardships. Lillian Cha, a friend of mine for thirteen years, is the one who knows what to say at the right moment. These are the people who I consider my family, help shape my definition of the word “family, and I love each and everyone of them.</p>

<p>Yeesh–I always wince when I see people post the full versions of their essays on here. If you can, go back and edit the text out of your post and PM it to individual readers.</p>

<p>Comments, though: </p>

<p>This is a really good essay already; the emotions definitely come through. I would say that the only thing you might want to look further into is the “tell us a story” part. Could you add a bit more story-like description to the day you got the phone call? You’ve got wiggle room with the word limit, so use it!</p>

<p>It’s a little weird to include your friends’ last names. I think you’re fine with first names only.</p>

<p>Third paragraph semicolon should be a comma. I think you just mean “presence” not “absent presence” (though that’s an interesting way of phrasing it) since you say that you DIDN’T have it like your friends.</p>

<p>“Everyone” in the last sentence should be “every one.”</p>

<p>Hope this helps! PM me if you have questions and good luck!</p>

<p>Oh crap. I posted up the wrong version. LOL.</p>

<p>Thanks. Yea, those were some awkward suggestions made by my friends (like the semicolon and “absent presence.”)</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>