<p>"On October 24, 2008, I overheard the doctor tell my parents, Your daughter might carry this birth defect until she is an adult. They say everybody has one of those moments were you remember every detail very clearly, the white room, the blue hospital bed, the smell of the anesthesia, and the horrible gut feeling you feel when something hits you really hard. I was only 13 when I went in for my 6th surgery and I felt like I have had enough. Through-out the years Ive had many accomplishments that I am proud of such as, teaching myself how to walk again after surgery because my parents had no time or money to send me to physical therapy, and passing all my AP, honors classes and college classes while being absent at school frequently. Growing up I spent a lot of my time in hospitals for pre-ups, surgeries, and checkups. Talking and meeting doctors from different fields has opened the doors for opportunities for me to see what I would mostly be interested in pursuing. Being through so much growing up has made me very thankful for the amazing doctors that have worked with me, which led me in the interest in majoring Biology to pursue a career working in the medical field. There is so much I am thankful for that they have done for me, and I like how it brings happiness to me, and other patients. I want to become a Nurse, or a doctor because I want to give back and help others."</p>
<p>I decided to rewrite my personal statement, and this is the first paragraph/intro. Help please? What should I change, add or not put?</p>