<p>Well, here is my personal statement for the UC's tell me what you think! I love constructive criticism!</p>
<p>Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community, or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<pre><code> “Life is like a box of chocolates…except everyone’s eaten all the chocolates and all you’re left with is an empty box.” When my friend told me this I laughed because it was quite different from the clich
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<p>if i were an admission officer, i would reject you given that your essay stands next to another person with same status.</p>
<p>first of all, it’s LONG. I’m suspecting some 800 words? </p>
<p>second of all, it’s BORING. You try to talk about everything and achieved nothing significant.</p>
<p>third of all, it’s BOASTING. The last three paragraphs is pretty much you telling the college “you ought to have me because I’m such a humble person and all that feces” while I’ll humbly reject you.</p>
<p>It’s only 600 something words, James. And don’t be harsh, but give constructive criticism. </p>
<p>Lol I like the chocolate quote. Anyway…your essay drags out the point too long. The automatic reaction I got when I read it was that you’re an indecisive person. Not only that, it was difficult to see what your dreams and aspirations were. After your 4th paragraph, I thought you were going to define more clearly of what your dreams/aspirations were. But no, you then introduced something that didn’t really flow well. Also, if the last few paragraphs were your main points, then you’ve waited too long to say it. Admissions officers don’t have that much time, so they want you to get straight to the point.</p>