Personal Statements Advice ?

College Essays
1

I am currently writing personal statements for the UC App and the Common App.
For the UC Prompt for Freshmen, the prompt asks for you to describe the world you come from and how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I plan on writing about how I’ve grown up as the oldest child so I’ve been accustomed to caring for others and how building relationships are fundamental to me as my world. This has shaped my dream of working in the psychology field as a psychologist because I will get to build relationships and help others as my career daily.
For the Common App prompt, I chose the topic of writing about a failure and what I’ve learned from it.
I’ve decided to write about how I got a D in physics and how I’ve learned that sometimes people will not be the best at everything, but its important to view yourself as a human before a student, and how your health is important above all.

Do these ideas sound okay ? I feel that they are a bit weak, but I feel like they generally capture what I want to convey in my personal statements. Any tips, advice or critiques ?

2

I like the one for UC more. Starting it with a specific moment of caring for your siblings, and springing off of that to explain what you said could be really powerful. The CA one sounds okay but the way you are making it sound is very broad. The essay is a way for the colleges to learn more about you and therefore should be personal and detailed. If you feel you can accomplish that with that prompt, go for it. Otherwise you should use another prompt you can be really personal with. Good luck! I’d be willing to read them if you’d like, PM me.

3

Okay, thanks ! Yeah I feel a lot more attached to the UC prompt a lot more, and I have been working on that one and I feel that it’s coming along pretty well ! And I’ll definitely PM if I need someone to review it, thanks so much for offering : )