Philosophy about paying for college

Parents Forum
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<p>DH and I are both self employed. For us that means all retirement funding, all health insurance (don't get me started on the cost of that--enough for a mortgage payment on a starter home in our area!), etc. is paid for by us. I know it's a choice we made. I do think it's been the best for us financially and in many other ways, (how many kids can say Mom or Dad was home everyday when they got off the school bus?) but the reality is that there may not be a paycheck six months from now. Clients and income can disappear. It's happened before to the point of near bankruptcy. For that reason we try to have a 6-9 month reserve of expenses saved. We've saved for our chldren's education during the "flush" times and had to cut back during the down times. It's life. </p>

<p>Our current income level and savings will mean no financial aid for our children. That's fine. We're lucky. Right now we could probably afford full tuition at a private school, but from a financial standpoint I think it would be foolish to assume we could do so for 4 years (or 8 with both children) or that it would be the wisest use of our resources. Retirement is not that far away. </p>

<p>We'll willingly pay for the COA at one of our state schools. The two largest are great options. If D, or eventually S, wants to go elsewhere, she needs to get merit awards. We don't want her to graduate with debt, but we will be willing to cosign for some loans if that is what she really wants to do. Although if she gets into one of "those schools" it will be a tough decision for us. Our hearts might outrule our heads. </p>

<p>I'm also willing to help her find schools where she should qualify for merit money. I've spent about 3 hours doing so today. </p>

<p>Each of us comes from a different financial reality and background. None of us has the single best answer and to assume so is foolish.</p>

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<p>I really believe it is a matter of personal choice. I would much rather pay for college than have a summer home, a cruise around the world or a mercedes s-class. When I graduated from college I was happy, but not thrilled. I was worrying about my future. When my kids graduate for college I will get another chance to thrilled.</p>

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<p>sweet sentiment, oldperson.</p>

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<p>Since this thread is about one's philosopy perhaps why one does what they do is as important a consideration as the short term result.</p>

<p>I think that after HS, the student's education is at most a joint venture between the parents and the student. To me that means my S needed to bring something to the endeavor other than just his "wants." He did that with merit scholarships. I supply the balance of the "hard costs" (excluding spending money). That means my joint venturer S and I BOTH have a stake in the college education. To hold up his end, he has a certain grade point he is required to maintain to continue to receive the scholarships. I have to cover the increases in hard costs that apparently will occur annually.</p>

<p>I respect my S for the work that went into achieving the profile to get merit money and the maturity to make the choice to make a substantial contribution to his own college education by accepting the offer at that school rather than looking to us to pay more (or co-sign loans) to satisfy any assessment he had of what might make him more "happy." </p>

<p>I think this adult respect has helped S realize that he can make his way in life no matter what happens to us. That is a great awareness at 19.</p>

<p>These are my reasons.</p>

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<p>DH, his sister and I had this conversation yesterday. We had some really BAAAD jobs as teens (cleaning out chicken fat from a fast food chain's deep fryer and the like) that helped us appreciate our "educated" careers. Our S has been working since he was 12 (refereeing soccer) to pay for extras, well knowing we had the money for the fluff that tweens and teens want. Our goal was to raise kids who didn't feel this false sense of entitlement that seems to be running rampant these days. </p>

<p>Our college plan? Together we'll analyze offers and select the best deal. His job during school time is to do well. Summers and part time (he can work as a lifeguard) finance the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed. Or not. That's up to him.</p>

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<p>When I graduated from HS my graduation present was a set of luggage and a rent bill should I choose to live at home. Bill was voided in the summer if I was going to college.</p>

<p>This eye opener really helped me grow up and analyze my options. This may have been the best thing my parents ever did for me. They helped out some with college costs but I paid for most of it. (much easier to do in the 70's)</p>

<p>I did the same thing to my sons although I did agree to help pay the EFC. Costs are just so much higher now. They now go to school OOS and I pay my EFC. All other costs are theirs and it is working quite well. They only have minimal Staffords, I am not borrowing money, and the schools were excellent choices.</p>

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<p>Right on '07Dad!!!</p>

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<p>My philosophy got run over by my reality.....</p>

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<p>hubbells's dad:</p>

<p>I agree with oldperson, it's a matter of choices. My wife and I have always lived beneath our means so as to provide a good education for our 2 sons. Instead of the mcmansion or mercedes s-class-which we could have easily afforded if not for paying for 13 years of private education(kindergarten thru high school), 4-years of a private LAC for college(full freight) and we are gladly paying our older son's way thru medical school at present-we could have had the vacation home etc.. But, to have two sons, well-educated and starting their professions debt-free-well, that is priceless to us.</p>

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<p>As an upper middle class family with relatively limited savings, our philosophy with our S's college choice was: Look at public and private options. If the public options even come CLOSE to the public ones, go public. However, if you find your dream school, in which it is clear that the nature of education will be substantially different than one you would receive in a public school, we will do everything possible to pay for your private school tuition...but you are expected to apply yourself diligently to your coursework, get a job, take out government tuition loans...and we will take out a second mortgage on the house. Our S fell in love with the U of Chicago (and so did we). As he completes his first year there, he is holding up his end of the bargain, and we will hold up ours.</p>

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<p>Going to the school of their choice was the carrot that keep my keeps really accomplishing through high school. Or maybe not. Maybe they would have done it anyway. Who knows?</p>

<p>Because of a complicated set of family circumstances I had to shelve attendance at Yale or Barnard (my dream schools for different reasons) and go to state u. I did not have the experiences or connections some of my friends had at elite institutions. I did meet mentors and did very well academically, but I always felt a bit short-changed and didn't want my kids to feel the same.</p>

<p>I promised they would go anywhere they could get into provided it had excellent academics. There are privates beneath the academic level of the state u I certainly wouldn't have paid for.</p>

<p>We scrimped and saved and paid off our mortgage with view to second mortgage, but we did have a financial tragedy.</p>

<p>However, I stuck by my word, although the money had to go somewhere else. I was planning on down sizing and selling my house.</p>

<p>However, financial tragedy meant FA and we are in roughly the same position we would be had "tragedy" not struck.</p>

<p>I am torn, because I really like the independence and responsibility 07DAD has inculcated in his son. My children are not so proactive and self-sufficient. However, they are getting there, and I do really vicariously enjoy the experiences they are having at their schools which are all they had hoped and more and are shaping them into the people I hoped they'd become.</p>

<p>I do believe in some kind of karma/destiny/moira. So I think parents, whatever their philosophy, are guiding children toward their futures and as long as love is present, the differing parental philosophies are all appropriate to the situations at hand and the needs of those particular offspring.</p>

<p>Learning about money and to be self-sufficient is extremely important.</p>

<p>Having the "perfect" four years to aid in the shaping of a human also important. For some that is already accomplished at hs graduation; for others that goal is still a long way off.</p>

<p>For those for whom CC and transfer with working is the way to a college education and a college degree -- yea for you. We're all pulling for you, and you'll get where you want to go. You really will.</p>

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<p>There are many answers to this question as there are families. The one thought I like to add. The financial aid formulas all assume parents are contributing (a lot) for their kids college expenses. Given this is true as parents if we decide to provide our kids support well below the EFC and below the cost of our state schools then our child will be in a pretty big bind. This will severely limit their school choices and make merit aid vitally important (and not all kids are likely merit recipients). Personally, I can not see putting my kids into this bind.</p>

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<p>Like my parents before us, my husband and I have always told our 2 sons that they should choose a college that is 1) outstanding in their field of study and 2) far away. They would be responsible for excellent effort and performance in their highschool careers and they would be responsible for applying for scholarships and working summers. Like many posters above, we have saved since day one for their college educations. We are also extremely fortunate that my parents have committed to providing $20,000 per year, per grand child for college costs. We will not require our sons to take out loans, and will cover the balance ourselves.</p>

<p>Like some above, our family also survives on self-employment, and in a professional field with wildly varying income levels each year. We have managed to pay our own health insurance, finance retirement (an ongoing struggle) and still provide a pretty full middle-class life for our kids. The kids understand the sacrifices that came with having their parents around and available during and after school. They also understand that they are fortunate not to have had restrictions others have had on choosing a college. But they have been excellent students and continue to fulfill their part of the equation.</p>

<p>Neither of our kids are star-struck with ivies, or down on state schools. My oldest is in the college of his dreams (private, far away and top-ranked in his engineering discipline, but with minimal merit aid). Our youngest will have the same opportunity and when decision time comes in 2 years, we will all evaluate the best fit for him.</p>

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<p>There's a lot of posts here about parents scrimping and saving and doing with luxuries to fund dream college choices for their children. That's certainly admirable and a point of pride...but it doesn't follow that those of us who inject cost into the situation have gone the other way...buying mercedes and mcmansions while ignoring the college fund.
We saved diligently and and were lucky enough to a significant college fund in place when our child started looking. I went to a state U with really no other choices. I did just fine but I was happy to support private options that made sense.<br>
The difference is that I believe strongly that we couldn't ignore balancing the relative cost of each school. We don't have fat pension funds - in fact we don't have ANY pension to rely on...so we are on our own for retirement savings...like many folks out there. Yes, we would sacrifice for a school that seemed a excellent match - a dream school. That didn't materialize. My son balanced all factors and decided to go the State U route with multiple scholarships. He will study abroad (perhaps twice) and have a significant fund for grad school. We were happy to pay the vast majority of cost for a private school (perhaps with a small contribution from him) ...but it was his choice. No loans - no pressure to find high paying summer jobs. Some money for his future and for enrichment over the next few years. He's happy and doing well.
What I don't understand is a child who absolutely REFUSES to look at cheaper options including state schools...especially if the investment involves big sacrifices on the part of the parents. Why not? We're all in this together. Life is complicated and usually involves trade offs of some sort. And cost IS a factor for most of us.</p>

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<p>My feeling is that as long as my kid wants to further her education in a way that will increase her knowledge and ability to find gainful employment, I will continue to pay for as long as I am able. I will support educational endeavors no matter how high the degree. In fact, I would love the opportunity to pay for a Ph.D if I can. Much better than paying for rehab, or bailing a kid out of jail.
She knows how to be responsible with money. She doesn't have to learn responsibility by taking out loans if I can pay for it.</p>

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<p>I used to dream that D would go to a really prestigious school I could brag about. But now I'm dreaming of the new Prius I can get if D goes to in-state public school...will enhance the quality of my life so much more than a Dartmouth window sticker on my 12 year old minivan!</p>

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<p>^^Muffy, you made me laugh. My D1 asked if I could take her Subaru to the body shop to fix the rusting dent in the fender (she sideswiped my car in our driveway). Now I'm thinking I'll just cover it with a bumper sticker from her "prestigious" college.</p>

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<p>H and I come from a "working class" background. None of our parents were college grads. I had to take out loans to go to the instate public and felt really lucky to be there. H's parents paid for his instate public sch. by really scrimping. MIL actually pawned her wedding silver at one point to pay. Nobody knew this until years later. H is the only college grad. in his family. H and I married before I finished college so he inherited my college loans with the deal. We know how it feels to be right out of school,not making much money and paying off college loans with no help from family. </p>

<p>We are now in much better financial shape than our parents ever were (so are not eligible for FA) but still retain our working class mentality that we grew up with. I guess that's our philosophy. Our boys have worked year 'round since they turned sixteen as H and I did. We don't have fancy cars or take luxurious vacations. We have lived in the same middle class neighborhood for almost 20 yrs. but our house is paid for.</p>

<p>Our plan has always been that neither we nor our children would go in debt for college. We have saved enough to pay for an instate public for each kid. That's as far as we go. They are happy to be going to state u's. because they have known all along that that would be their destination. We are lucky to have a good large state system to choose from. The majority of kids from here go to state u's. so there's no "whoa is me" attitude. </p>

<p>S1 is at the state u. on a fullride. He has been sublimely happy there and will graduate next year with no debt and money in the bank.</p>

<p>S2 will be a freshman at a different state u. this August. We will pay the full freight for this one so he won't have money in the bank at the end but will have a debt free slate to start his life with. </p>

<p>It is what we can afford and what we feel is best for our family in the long run.</p>

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<p>As she worked her way through high school it became apparent that D would likely be in the running for high-end colleges. We developed an unspoken but clearly understood agreement that if she would do what it took to get into the top schools that I would do what it took to pay for them. She delivered and so did I.</p>

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<p>It is State U for our kids, and they are fine with that. If they can get scholarships that make private college costs close to the State U cost, then that would be an option too. We are not against private schools, we are just opposed to paying what they want us to pay. The kids have adjusted their expectations according to these limits, and are happy and getting fine educations. I think that most kids are happy wherever it is that they end up, but the attitude upon entering college can certainly vary according to each admissions experience.</p>

<p>They have come up with some merit scholarships, and they have worked during summers and breaks whenever possible. They use up most of what they make every year, and we cover the difference from savings and current income. </p>

<p>They should be able to graduate with no debt (but not much left over), and that is a pretty good deal. If graduate school is in their plans, we will see what we can work out with them at that point.</p>