Planning visits

Parents Forum
1

<p>So D is a junior- and although I didnt go on a lot of visits with her sister ( her high school took her on a few), I feel the need to visit at least a good handful before she applies- so that she can get a better idea of what she is looking for.
( for example- she thinks size of school wont matter- but I know at some schools there are registation probs-etc & I think she needs much more support)</p>

<p>There are a couple schools that sound very good, but unless there is amazing merit aid for OOS students- won't be on our short list- but I know she will really want to visit ( UCSC)</p>

<p>There are other schools which as part of WUE, are the same price as staying in state- but which I want her to like- even though they are in settings which may not be her favorite- ( Humboldt seems quite rural)</p>

<p>I never really thought about strategizing the tours with older D, if she was going to like something she would like it. But I feel the need to plan out the visits for this daughter, to present the schools in the best possible light.
( she has been known to walk into a store- and walk out again * knowing * they won't have what she is looking for , just because of the music that is playing)</p>

<p>Anyone else have a kid like that ? How did you get them to look at schools that at face value weren't as appealing, but you thought that it could be a good fit?</p>

2

<p>A good fit for her, or for you? Ultimately, you just need to give her space and let her decide on her own. If you force her to look at certain schools she will probably resent you.</p>

3

<p>try to get her to talk to students or faculty in programs or clubs that she is interested in -- they will be better able to market their schools than you will ever be. contact the programs or clubs directly and try to schedule meetings for the day you'll be there. those types of interactions can be much more meaningful than the standard info session and tour. if the school is in fact a good fit for her, this will give her a chance to see that.</p>

4

<p>I think that if there's a school that you would like your daughter to visit, but in which she has no interest, it might be a good idea to ask WHY she doesn't like the school. Would a visit help her to figure out whether her concern about the school is justified? Or is the issue one that can't be resolved by a visit?</p>

<p>I made the mistake of persuading my daughter to visit Tufts, even though she was not interested in that school. The visit did nothing to change her mind. After talking with my daughter, I realized that no matter what happened during that visit -- even if Tufts had been the World's Most Appealing Campus -- it would not have changed her mind. Her objection to Tufts is that it is lies in the shadow of two more prestigious neighbors -- Harvard and MIT. My daughter says that she hates the idea of going to the third-best college in a particular metropolitan area, when there are many places in the country where she could go to the top school in the area. No amount of visiting was going to change that opinion. The trip was a waste of time and money.</p>

5

<p>no Im not forcing her to look at any schools she doesn't want to look at
( I had to cut this girls hair when she was asleep when she was younger- you definitely couldn't get her to do something she didn't want to do!)</p>

<p>but there are limited schools that have the programs that she wants & because there are limited schools, I hope that she will give each one a careful consideration rather than dismissing it because she doesn't like the name of the sports team</p>

<p>( although I admit her sister didn't consider a school- Whitman that I think could have been a good fit & offered good merit & need based aid- because she had already studied the Whitmans extensively in middle school and was sick of them- but that at least was a reason-)</p>

<p>So I am not going to take her to look at a school for the first time on a day when chances are good it will be wet and miserable.</p>

<p>I wonder if I should plan it, the way the real estate agent apparently planned when they showed us homes ( the really really out there houses first- and told us that was what was in our price range- then when he showed us something more reasonable- we jumped at it out of relief)</p>

<p>She is only a junior- and she is planning to take a year off after high school. But we haven't looked at any colleges yet & we don't have the time or money to do so all at once, so I think it is a good time to get started- plus it should help her get a better idea of what campuses are like.</p>

<p>She has been on the Reed campus a lot since she was 10, its small ( 100 acres) very easy to get around ( no streets running through) and very appealing ( looks like a prototype- which apparently many Hollywood types agree with judging by the number of films that have been using Reed as a set in the past few months)</p>

<p>But for example- Reed is a private school and very $$$, so everything is pretty nice and as close to state of the art as they can get it.
She doesn't want to apply to Reed, but I know, just because it is the school I am most familiar with, I may be using it even despite myself, as a standard.</p>

<p>I realize that for someone who hasn't read my extensive postings on my D, I might sound manipulative and controlling- I really don't think I am- and she does take the lead in many, many things.
She picked her high school for example- even though I really didn't think it would be a good fit ( and neither did her middle school teachers)</p>

<p>But money is going to be an issue and I want her to have some affordable choices in with her academic/financial reaches- so I don't want to go tour the most appealing school right off the bat, and then have all the subsequent schools come up short.
I know timing is a lot- its why I married my husband :)</p>

6

<p>I also want to add- that I have at this point just briefly mentioned the schools that had the programs- and she is interested- ( unfortunately she wasnt able to attend all the visits the colleges made to her school) in the list I made.</p>

<p>D is not very verbal- around me anyway- she never has been- and it is difficult for her to express to me- what she is thinking.
Which leads to a lot of misunderstandings- (its both part of her LD and part of her personality I think)</p>

<p>but I think it is a good idea for her to find out more about the programs through the schools before we visit, and that will also give her more background to find out what she wants to ask about.</p>

<p>I was also thinking of combining visits with some of her friends, because new situations are pretty tough for her- and she doesn't come off well, but with her friends, she is a totally different person.
Also, I have a more flexible schedule than some parents, and with 8 years in between kids, I am still at the point where I don't mind chaffeuring them around</p>

<p>( and you can learn so much by eavesdropping ;) )</p>

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<p>I think combining visits with friends may be a great way to start. We took my reluctant daughter on a trip with her 2 year older cousin (who was also reluctant) but the Iowa Independent College week was just happening and my sister and I insisted. It turned out to be quite a hit with both of them to their surprise and it was definitely having a buddy that made a difference.</p>

<p>My son was also very reluctant, not talkative, and wanting a gap year. Somehow saying Gap year is good but you must be In somewhere and telling him he had to spend some time looking through the Fiske guide did the trick. Well, it least it got us to one school which turned out to be the One...</p>

<p>Now, why am I fascinated with college admissions in a family of reluctant lookers??</p>

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<p>Now, why am I fascinated with college admissions in a family of reluctant lookers??</p>

<p>It is like a mystery novel- things are all in pieces, but you know they will all come together in the end-
and if you arent't the one with a son who has to get apps out to 17 schools, or a daughter who wants to attend close to where her slacker boyfriend lives, you can make helpful suggestions ( and be glad that you have different issues- but it really cracks me up that when we were looking where oldest was going to attend 6th grade- I thought by the time she was ready for college, I wouldn't be involved * at all* ROFLAO)</p>

<p>She started really wanting a gap year, but when we talked about what she could actually do, she realized that more opportunities would open up if she had at least a year of college- so I think we should use the timeframe that she * isn't* going to take a gap year- just incase she changes her mind.</p>

<p>I think the taking a friend along is sounding better and better-she has some really great friends- and I see a side of her I never get to see without them.</p>

9

<p>can you take her to various local schools, regardless of whether or not they would be appropriate, to just have a baseline of pros and cons?</p>

10

<p>This is an interesting question, emeraldkity4, and I anticipate being in a similar position with my daughter.</p>

<p>Apparently the counselors at my daughter's high school generate a list of colleges for each student. I am hoping that there will be some schools on that list which are ones I would also want her to consider (but, see, the recommendation won't come from me!)</p>

<p>Has your daughter already generated a list of schools for herself? Perhaps if she sees for herself that the list needs to be longer (ie, more than 1 or 2), she will agree to add more schools and may consider some on your list (or see that she otherwise must come up with more on her own).</p>

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<p>EKitty, I'll be starting with a reluctant one next year :(. So reluctant that I may have to back off completely.
I think that taking along a buddy when you go, especially for a girl, might be a good strategy - we went on one buddy trip.
I'm concerned about 2 things you mentioned - limited schools with the program whe is interested in, and limited finances. Perhaps you should just give her a list of the schools that have the program she wants, and an idea of how much money she can expect from you, and let her mull that over for awhile. Depending on her personality, you may or may not want to point out now, the schools you are worried won't give her enough merit money - you may want to let her figure that out on her own. Save direct intervention for when she's about to send in her final applications and she only has one financial safety.
As for how to get her to visit in the scenario I outlined above - I don't know! That is where we are. Husband and son were going to do one or two low key visits in the spring while driving up to D's school. When I said where are you going, thinking that I would print the times when the admissions offices would be open, my son's reply was "I don't want to go on the trip at all" - just because I actually named a couple of colleges on their route! As you can see, I cannot say anything at all. He is just a soph this year, so there's plenty of time, but these were just going to be low key visits - one step up from a drive-by - I guess all he wanted was drive- by, if they have to decide ahead where they are going, forget it.</p>

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<p>I am not holding my breath for the counselors at her high school to have an appropriate list.
She has had 3 new counselors for the past 3 years, and all this one has suggested to me is that community college, is a good plan, so that kinda makes me feel like- he isn't going to necessarily spend a lot of time getting to know her- </p>

<p>I realize that many students are applying ED to very competitive schools, and that she is not a student who is taking 5 APs, and while I recognize that community colleges are a great resource when appropriate- I also think this child will be better served by a campus which is more encompassing than a community college, where many students are part time & older.</p>

<p>So I am maybe doing more background work, than I would if her counselor was making a wider variety of recommendations</p>

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<p>( I had to cut this girls hair when she was asleep when she was younger- you definitely couldn't get her to do something she didn't want to do!)</p>

<p>Ekitty, I had to laugh out loud for that one--and I empathize. My junior d, also adhd & ocd, insisted on dressing herself--including buttoning every button--when she was 2, and she would not accept help and she couldn't be rushed.</p>

<p>She did get haircuts, but no one was allowed to brush her hair.</p>

<p>I guess I am lucky in that she is looking to my husband and me to come up with a list of appropriate schools, and we are planning a northeast road trip during her spring break this year. It should be interesting!</p>

14

<p>My D was a reluctant looker, on older Ds tour of schools, D2 generally refused to get out of the car. She would not visit any place before she was admitted, too busy to waste time, we chose schools based on research & her sport. She made 3 far away visits (2 after likely letters, one after official admittance) and one other was nearby school she knew. Seeing her face at the school she chose made it obvious she would choose that one.</p>

<p>We encouraged her to visit a couple of far away schools and keep an open mind, but in that way she knew herself and she was not excited to go back east and neither visit impressed her, though there were many impressive things to see and she had personal coach led tours. So, if you have a reluctant looker, perhaps you go with your gut. :D</p>

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<p>
[quote]
dismissing it because she doesn't like the name of the ...

[/quote]

UCSC = Banana Slugs :)</p>

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<p>"There are other schools which as part of WUE, are the same price as staying in state-"</p>

<p>I thought it was 1 1/2 times the in-state tuition (still a bargain), and ONLY if that major were not offered widely in the state?</p>

17

<p>well the schools she is looking at are in CA & for the ones that are part of WUE, their instate tuition is actually cheaper than Washington instate tuition- so it seems- at least by my figures to be about the same.
Also- I haven't seen ( at the schools we are considering) to have any limits on majors at all.
reading the students livejournals ;), they say that it isn't a problem to get the tuition discount.</p>

<p>I think that the exchange agreements in other parts of the country have more restrictions- at least we can get some benefit from students less likely to come to the left coast!</p>

<p>The schools that are involved in Wa- Central- Eastern-Western & WSU, dont have any restrictions on programs- the ones in other states that do, usually just have a major that you can't pick- like nursing- rather than having limited majors for you * to * pick</p>

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<p>We were looking at the WUE Arizona schools (and California) and NONE of the schools would allow an accounting major on WUE.</p>

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<p>They have eased back on their restrictions quite a bit-because I remember looking several years ago- and it was only certain majors-</p>

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<p>Emerald, from what I've read, you are looking at schools with a specific major in mind for your HS Junior daughter (who will also be taking a gap year after high school)...and it sounds like that major is very specific and not offered at all places. I guess my question (or maybe it's a concern)...what if this 16 year old changes her mind between now and when she actually declares her major? Some kids are quite passionate about a specific major and them stick with it (my son is a good example of that...knew what his college major would be when he was about eight years old). Others are also passionate and yet while exploring other options , change their minds (my dd is in this category...ALWAYS said she wanted to be an engineer...but is now majoring in biology...go figure...but I'm sure that will change too). I'm sure you've mentioned this specific major...but I missed it. I guess my caution would be...look for schools that have that major AND others just in case.</p>

<p>Now...regarding your trip...we also did not have the resources to do a huge trip just once. We went on three trips with DD...summer between soph and jr years, April of junior year, and summer between jr and sr years. Only one was an "airplane" trip. All were about 9 days long, and we also coordinated them with family/friend visits. In each case, we saw 5-7 colleges...it depended on the closeness of the schools. I will say...I think that was too much. Since you've already done a college search, you know...keep a notebook or something. They all start to look and sound the same after a while...especially new places. Good luck and you certainly are wise to be starting early.</p>