Most state flagships have ROTC. Private colleges too - I know Dickinson does and there’s a relationwhip with the War College, I don’t know whether students intern there or what exactly but it could be worth it to find out (they also have conferences by War College professors). And Dickinson offers merit scholarships.
How much can/will your parents pay?
You’re right, 250K+ is a very large income, too high for financial aid. If you can’t be full pay, ROTC/NROTC are possibilities, as well as earning merit through grades/test scores.