please accurately grade my essay for SAT!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I had this essay graded at my SAT prep class but I want to confirm the accuracy of the graders there.
Please score my essay out of 12
Tell me my strengths/weaknesses
thank you!</p>

<p>Inconsistency is commonly thought to be an undesirable personality trait, and inconsistent people are viewed as indecisive and weak willed. On the other hand, firm commitment to an idea or plan of action is associated with personal and intellectual strength, stability, and honesty. Thus, once we have made a choice or taken a stand, it is best not to change.
Adapted from Robert B. Cialdini</p>

<p>Assignment: Is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviors? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<p>It is best not to change our ideas, opinions and behaviors. In other words, consistency in life is vital for achieving success. Throughout society and in life evidence to support this statement is pervasive.</p>

<p>Consider the case of the novel A Raisin in the Sun written by Lorraine Hansberry. The protagonist, Beneatha, lived in an orthodox American society where women were expected to hold traditional jobs like teaching and homemaking. By passionately aspiring to be a doctor and attending college, Beneatha did not allow society’s norms to change her opinions. Despite her family’s reluctance toward women as doctors, Beneatha’s steadfast beliefs lead her to be a successful doctor and paved the way for gender equality. </p>

<p>Next, consider the case of the Bay of Pigs invasion during Kennedy’s presidency. Prior to Kennedy’s presidency, the invasion involved ex-CIA operatives attacking Cuba with assistance from American air support. However, Kennedy decided to alter the attack and provide no air support. This inconsistency caused a failure to remove the dictator Castro from power in Cuba. Had Kennedy been consistent with prior plan, The Americans would have been successful in their mission.</p>

<p>Finally, consistency has been a key factor in my success in swimming. I have always believed the more hours I spend in the pool, the more success I would encounter. When my coach told my swim team that the week before our meet against our rival high school we would do double morning and evening practices, I did not change my beliefs and accepted the challenge. Because I continued to hold my beliefs, I received my personal best time during the meet with our rival high school.</p>

<p>Clearly, the above examples show that consistent beliefs lead to success. Beneatha prevailed as a successful doctor. However, the inconsistency about air support lead to a disastrous Bay of Pigs invasion. Consistency in one’s beliefs leads to a more harmonious society.</p>

2

<p>Intro: Fine, but it's so generic. Your reader will be sick of these formats.</p>

<p>BP 1: Fine. Use a transition. Also try squeezing a bit more detail. What would happen if Lorraine Hansberry didn't stick to her goal?</p>

<p>BP 2: Go into more detail. Explain what if Kennedy had been consistent, he would have been successful.</p>

<p>BP 3: This is pretty weak. Go into more detail. How was sticking to your beliefs a success? What would happen if you changed your beliefs?</p>

<p>Conclusion: "Consistency in one's beliefs leads to a more harmonious society." This is not a good lingerer, because this isn't supported in your essay.</p>

<p>This gets a 9. It's not bad, but it's definitely not convincing. The main problem was that you didn't go into enough detail.</p>

3

<p>thanks....but hhhow hsould i go into more detaill...what hsould i add?</p>

4

<p>On the previous post I gave you some questions that you should have answered in your essay.</p>