I gave the SAT on collegeboard and on my essay (as Ive heard most people do) I got a 12. So I would like someone to grade my essay appropriately. Please also mention how I can improve and anything else that you may find relevant. Thanks for all the help!
Prompt: Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.
Adapted from J. David Velleman, “The Genesis of Shame”
Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
In our world today the level of privacy that an individual has is ever diminishing. One glaring example of this is the Internet which is used by many people today, which a large number of national governments survey to be on the lookout for terrorists. However even in our daily lives people are becoming increasingly more open and often speak about things that need not be expressed to the public. Hence I think that people should make more of an effort to keep things private.
History shows us that the biggest mistakes made during any war is that classified information hasn’t been kept private or guarded well enough. One such example is during World War two when the Nazi government was using the ‘Enigma’ machines to code their information which they sent to other German camps and bases. However the British found a technique by which the codes of the enigma machines could be broken and hence knew all of the German strategies and plans that were being implemented and could suitably prepare for these advances. This is one of the major reasons that Germany lost the war - their ability to keep information private just wasn’t effective enough as it should have been. Hence this shows that keeping information more private is indeed important as it could make us more vulnerable.
Contrary to the above example is a case when because privacy was kept something that would not otherwise have been achievable was achieved. This can be seen in the 2011 military operation in Abbottabad in Pakistan which successfully killed Osama bin Laden, the man responsible for many atrocious acts including the 26/11 attacks, one of the deadliest in US and world history. Barrack Obama who was the president gave no hint of any such operation in place and hence kept it private between only his team and perhaps some other important members. This allowed the operation to be carried out without the terrorists even getting a whiff that any such operation was in place and hence lead to its success. However increasing privacy isn’t only applicable in the political field but also in our day-to day life when people often say more than they should or need to.
I remember that a few years back a good friend of mine was having her 15th birthday and her parents had given her a dress which she liked a lot. However when she asked me how I thought it was I told her the truth - that I felt it was too shiny and did not look good on her. I still remember the hurt on her face till this day and I realized that I could have kept my thoughts privately to myself and told her that I thought it was a really nice dress and nothing more. Hence as shown in the above examples I feel that the amount of privacy in our environment today should be increased. It not only will do us good but might also bring happiness to the people around us rather than always being frank and open about our feelings and intentions which will not only be disadvantageous but might also hurt people around us.
Thanks once again.