Please Check my APWH DBQ(2002)&Questions regarding on FRQ

Hello!
I’m a student preparing for this year May APWH exam.
This is my second DBQ I tried, and the question was from 2002 FRQ.</p>

“Using the documents, compare and contrast the attitudes of Christianity and Islam toward merchants and trade from the religions’ origins until about 1500. Are there indications of change over time in either case, or both? What kinds of additional documents would you need to assess the consequences of these attitudes on merchant activities.”</p>

The first one our APWH teacher took it for evaluation, but she did not properly check my essay.
I really want to know what I need to improve on my essay, especially because English is my second language, I am very worried. :(</p>

There are also some questions on DBQ/FRQ itself.
I am still not sure about whether I am writing an essay in a right structure.
For example, I do not have conclusion in my FRQ. Do I need a clear conclusion? What should be inside a conclusion?</p>

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE grade my essays or give me any kind of advise. </p>

Answer:
Christianity and Islam had completely different beginning at first; Christianity used to be strongly against trade while Islam highly valued trades. Yet, as time passed, both religions changed their position in more moderate, but negative way.
Before 10th century, the beginning phase of both religions, they clearly had their unique stance. For Christianity, they clarified that rich man going to heaven is even more difficult that a camel going through the eye of a needle in the most important book in Christianity, the Bible. (Document 1) This statement shows strong hostility to the riches including merchants. On the other hand, Islam was friendly toward merchants. They said Muslim merchants should be highly respected in the society by directly mentioning in the Qur’an. (Document 2) Qur’an is a book that is valued as much as Bible in Christianity. The positive view on merchant in Muslims are not surprising, considering the fact that Muhammad, the founder of Islam also used to w가 in trading business.
In 12th to 13th century, Christianity still has negative perspective on merchants, but their attitude became comparably moderated than before. For example, if a merchant showed its attitude as if he is not attached to wealth by donation, Christians give some respect to the merchant. (Document 3) Furthermore, a hate for the general idea of wealth changed its form to hate in wealth earned by no effort. Thomas Aquinas even wrote a phase “no man should sell what is not his, though he may charge for the less he suffers.” Among these documents, unfortunately none of the documents are related to Islam in this period. If we had a document that shows Muslims view on merchants, we would also be able to see how Islamic society attitude has changed over time.
As 14th century arrived, the stance on merchant had became opposite from the beginning for both religion. In Christian society, merchants are now placed in a society completely and trade flourished through this era. In the letters to and from merchants in Italy, there were full of request and acceptance of trade contract. In this time, Italy was a Christian country right next to the papal state. More specifically, according to letter C, we could infer from the fact that the letter was from England that sea trade was going on all other Europe. In addition, in letter B, we could also know that merchant families are very proud of themselves of being merchants. (Document 6) In contrast, in Islam in same period, merchant’s status in society was declining. Ibn Khaldun, a prestigious Muslim scholar thought that that trading lead to “decrease and weakening in virtue and manliness.” (Document 5) The Muslims also began to limit the action of merchants by putting moral values on them, more specifically criticizing them for not distributing equal among society. (Document 7) These phenomena all tell us that Muslim’s view on merchants has transfer to opposite way compare to the beginning.</p>