Please check my essay for Temple University! Did I lose track of my prompt? How can I improve it?

<p>Prompt: Imagine you have graduated from Temple University. You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion, and the alumni office has asked you to write a one-page essay about your personal and professional accomplishments since graduation. What would yours say? </p>

<pre><code>As I looked at the envelope, my heart stopped when I saw the familiar seal, I took a sharp gulp of air and breathed out. I do not know why after ten years, even after graduating with good grades, I still get the jitters whenever I see the T symbolizing Temple University. I took some gulp of air to calm down my nerves and opened the envelope. A huge grin adorned my face as I read the letter, I was invited to a ten year reunion party!

It is amazing how time flies, how a few years and an environment can completely change you as an individual. I still remember vividly, the insecurity and uncertainty I felt before applying to such a well-known university of Philadelphia. I had always been a person with low self-esteem and when my cousin told me to apply in Temple, I was unsure and hesitant. As I researched more and more about Temple I could not help but fall irrevocably in love with the campus, but I was torn between two miniatures of myself. One told me not to apply, and that I will end up with a broken heart, but the other one, the stronger part of me told me to pursue and take the risk, at least doing something was better than doing nothing. I applied just a few days before the deadline and crossed my fingers hoping and wishing for the best.
</code></pre>

<p>I remember the day I got the acceptance letter, for a moment I looked transfixed, not believing, not registering what I had seen. I was in utter disbelief. Then all of a sudden a rush of emotions hit me like a tornado and I screamed "I am Temple made! </p>

<p>After that, time had gone by like the speed of light, and I was going to my first class as a freshman. The next four years were the best years of my life. Temple University had given me the best academic knowledge in Public Health and had also molded me into the confident and optimistic individual that I am today. It had taught me I was able to do anything if I put my heart to it and I could go beyond my comfort zone, and do something as outrageous as applying for my masters to an Ivy League University!</p>

<p>After my graduation from Temple University I worked as a research assistant but I had also started master’s degree in University of Pennsylvania. I completed my masters and now I work as a federal environmentalist. </p>

<p>Now after ten years, as I look back I feel an immense gratitude towards Temple University and the Professors, for the achievements I have made today and I will make in the future. </p>

<p>I feel as though you should include more about your years at Temple and get deeper in depth when it comes to your experiences learning things within your major and how it impacted the future you. Hope this helps. </p>

<p>Please avoid posting essays in forum in future; read warnings and suggestion pinned to top of forum.</p>

<p>Almost the entire essay is filler. I don’t like all that background stuff filling the essay and hint, hint please admit me message. A little opening an envelope or something about preparedness during you college years okay. But really I would just start where they ask. Imagine your have graduated…</p>

<p>Think a bit about your hopes and aspirations and expand on those. I don’t envy you this prompt, must be really hard for undeclared majors, lol</p>

<p>Think of it as a speech. If someone were to read your essay during the reunion, as an example of your success, they wouldn’t want to hear about the excitement of being invited, just like everyone else there was… ;)</p>

<p>Undecided on a major? What are your favorite subjects, then? What academic topics interest you the most? Once you have a few of these, research some recent discoveries/developments on those fields. Expand on these -what would YOU contribute to? They don’t have to be 100% realistic -as long as it’s relevant to human life (aka no development of a unicorn gene xD), you may use your imagination! Also, don’t forget to mention specific opportunities available at Temple -how you taking the most advantage of them propelled such success.</p>

<p>Good luck! :)</p>