<p>Hey everyone, I would be eternally grateful if you could help review and revise my personal statement. It would be nice if you could be specific in your critiques so I know exactly what to fix. Don't hold back, be as critical as you want!! Thanks a ton!</p>
<p>Here's prompt 1:
Describe the world you come from for example, your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>Here's my essay:
From a very young age, gaming played a huge part in my life. Growing up in a strict Asian family, I was burdened with expectations to excel in school. Being forced to constantly study and getting punished whenever I got a bad grade, I lost the passion to strive for anything because I was afraid of getting punished. Allowed only a few hours of rest and play every weekend, playing games became my way to de-stress and forget about any school-related troubles. Playing games became one of my only hobbies because it was the only way I could escape from school. Little did I know that my unhealthy obsession with games would lead to a pursuit in a career of software development.
As an avid gamer, I downloaded and played many games, carefully reading customer reviews to see if it would interest me and then writing my own reviews afterwards. However, I soon ran out of games to play. Troubled with the fact that I had no other ways of de-stressing after a hard week of school, I came up with my own solution. Who knows what consumers want in a game more than consumers themselves? As one of the many consumers, I knew what people liked and disliked in games. Using that knowledge, I decided to create my own game. Psychology was always something that interested me, so looking into the minds of consumers only added to the excitement of creating my own game. Paired with my love to draw, I started to sketch out a design on how I wanted my game to be. I drew out the plot, the characters, the backgrounds; I drew out the entire game. Planning and designing my future game became my new inspiration. For the first time, I was motivated to do something outside from what was expected from me. The thought of making a game gave me an unfamiliar feeling of excitement and determination. However, I stumbled across a major problem. I didnt know how to program the game. Sure, I had everything planned out, but I had no comprehension on how to make my sketch into a real and working game.
My dream is to become a software developer. I long to one day develop a successful game that millions of people across the world can play and enjoy. Developing a game is like an adventure; the idea of creating a game from a multitude of ideas fascinates me. I want to major and work in a field that I find enjoyable. Computer science is something I enjoy and I aspire to become a game developer.</p>