Please critique and judge my UC essay!

<p>"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations." </p>

<p>(I wrote not for sympathy or pity, but for development of my goals through my journey, struggles and experiences)</p>

<p>Essay:
It wasn’t until this essay did I realize that something I have always loathed essentially impacts my life.</p>

<p>Having been diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis (benign tumors in vital organs), everyone feared that I would have developmental delays. Early on, I did have speech difficulties and social interaction problems so it wasn’t by choice that I had to be homeschooled until fourth grade. Constant doctors’ visits were a staple in my life. If I’m not at school, at home, or with friends, then I’m perhaps at the waiting room reading magazines or flipping through the television channels on mute, just waiting for another repetitive exam from a doctor. Almost always, changes from previous tests would result in an increased dosage of my medicine or otherwise another prescription would be given. These appointments were not only draining, but it also escalated to a point where I had too many absences especially in my junior year. I consequently suffered C grades for the first time. My thoughtful planning for my college plans seemed to have been derailed by the situation; I had to deliberately choose to see it in a perspective of opportunity.</p>

<p>Doctors’ offices now hold an odd attraction which carrying a peculiar ambiance. I am always surrounded by adults with a passion in undertaking what they do; I particularly notice the few nurses who happily oblige to their patients’ needs no matter how exhausting it may be. I even look forward to the one minute adrenaline rush when I smell the hint of alcohol wiped against my skin, knowing that a needle, which was somehow created through science, will soon inject a liquid I hardly know of into my veins. I welcome another machine running tests on me where I can hear uncharacteristic sounds and see intricate lights that I will never find outside of the room.</p>

<p>These trips made me acutely aware of the reality of the existence and usefulness of mathematics and science that have always surrounded me in this environment. The technology amazes me to this day; how one machine can assist a human being in determining a person’s health and often saving one’s life. It kindled a greater passion in computers, arithmetic, and science as it infinitely evolves and lengthens the capacity of every individual too broad to gauge. The architects of instruments, no matter the type, have all been created with a human mind. Communication, mechanics, programming, computer systems, security – and the list goes on. None of it would exist without the use and study of mathematics and science where the discoveries never end. A successful career in engineering would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.</p>

<p>I have an abundance of inspirations given to me that makes me strive for success; my family, friends, teachers, and rivals encourage me to do my best.</p>

<p>Those C’s still bother me to no end even if I gave it my best shot. There is always room for improvement no matter how great the hindrances, so there must be no such thing as someone giving it their all. My “best” just restrained me from going further than my own potential. My world in the doctor’s office has inspired me to be grander than ever, more than I can even imagine. Perhaps having benign tumors is a benefit more than a disadvantage.</p>

<p>This is a good essay. Here are my thoughts:</p>

<p>I’m not sure if this sentence does anything for your essay or belong in it:
“I have an abundance of inspirations given to me that makes me strive for success; my family, friends, teachers, and rivals encourage me to do my best.”</p>

<p>I thought the two lines below took away from your wonderful essay. My personal opinion is that it’s important to recognize and accept there are times you will do your personal best under challenging conditions, but still, the result isn’t what you hope for. Admissions understands this, we are all human afterall. </p>

<p>“There is always room for improvement no matter how great the hindrances, so there must be no such thing as someone giving it their all. My “best” just restrained me from going further than my own potential.”</p>

<p>Hope this helps. Best of luck! :)</p>

<p>Thank you very much! I appreciate your help. (: I turned in my application much more confidently after your help and numerous edits.</p>

<p>You are most welcome. Now you can relax and enjoy the holiday season. :)</p>