Please critique my college admissions essay?

<p>Prompt: Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.</p>

<p>I will PM you the essay, please help me =) THANKS IN ADVANCE!</p>

<p>I’ll read it :]</p>