Please Critique My Essay (Common App)

<p>Hi Everyone. I'm fairly new to this site, and would like some to read my essay and give me some feedback please. Criticism is encouraged!
Thanks,</p>

<p>Prompt:
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.</p>

<p>Sorry didn't know we're not supposed to post essays</p>

<p>Can someone offer to read my essay please?</p>