Please crititque my common app essay

<p>I'm trying to get into top school. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Not too sound like a jerk but I'm extremely paranoid. I'd rather someone already in college or out of college to critique my essay.</p>

<p>I’ll take a look. PM it to me. I’m a mom who likes to write.</p>

<p>Anyone else?</p>

<p>Hello - I’m a Duke alumni interviewer, and would be happy to review. Just PM me the essay</p>